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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24961354">Stay Close to Me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hermanthejanitor/pseuds/hermanthejanitor'>hermanthejanitor</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Stay Close to Me University AU [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Merlin (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Humor, M/M, More Fluff, Mutual Pining, Pining, Pining Arthur, Slow Burn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 10:22:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>42,208</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24961354</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hermanthejanitor/pseuds/hermanthejanitor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Serves you right.”</p><p>Scowl deepening, Arthur levelled a glare at the unconcerned figure in front of him, scouring him front head to foot. He saw jeans that might have once been black but were now a worn grey. He saw a frayed cheque shirt with its sleeves rolled up over pale forearms. He saw messy dark hair that curled untamed around large ears. He saw blue eyes.</p><p>Shit.</p><p>OR</p><p>Arthur just wanted to get through his first year of university with as few complications as possible. Enter Merlin, a walking complication Arthur finds impossible to avoid.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Arthur/Others, Gwen/Lancelot (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Past Merlin/Will</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Stay Close to Me University AU [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1875517</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>83</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>470</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>If you looked at it objectively, it was all the fault of the Frisbee. Which made it, Arthur decided after a sulky late-night Google search, the late Walter Frederick Morrison’s fault. He was the inventor of the Frisbee. He had invented the Frisbee and some sixty years later Arthur’s life went tits up. Of course, the reality was that it was ultimately all Merlin’s fault.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Knightley Green was wedged snuggly between the Physics and Mathematics faculties of the Camelot University. It was a well-maintained lawn, edged by flowerbeds and trees, sheltered by the solid stone buildings on either side. For the students it was an all-in-one tanning bed, thoroughfare, gym and study space. It was only the first week of the term, and groups of students, fresh from their holidays, chatted serenely in irregular groups.</p><p> </p><p>It was warm for September and Arthur could feel the sun pushing against his back even through his t-shirt. The grass was surrounding him with a smell so green and sweet it was almost a physical presence in its own right. Even though there wasn’t a cloud in the sky, everything had a hazy, nostalgic air, like a photo of a childhood holiday come to life. That feeling, of summer pushing on where it wasn’t supposed to be, made something animal in Arthur want to run and wrestle and whoop for no better reason than that he could.</p><p> </p><p>Laughing, flicking his wrist easily, he sent the faded red Frisbee smoothly towards Kay. Kay, with a bark of laughter, snatched the disk from the air and held it above his head.</p><p> </p><p>The kid, as Arthur thought of him even though he was probably the same age as them, made a half-hearted attempt to jump and grab it from Kay’s grasp. There wasn’t much point to it; he was behind Kay in height by at least a head and his frame looked to have all the structural integrity of damp twigs. Kay laughed again.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur caught the Frisbee when Kay tossed it back, his grin widening as the kid trotted towards him morosely.</p><p> </p><p>“Buck up, mate, Frisbees are <em>meant</em> to be thrown.”</p><p> </p><p>The kid didn’t say anything, just waved his hands ineffectually as Arthur sent it on to Bors.</p><p> </p><p>“You should be grateful, the poor thing was probably going to waste away from lack of use.”</p><p> </p><p>He caught the Frisbee.</p><p> </p><p>“Clearly, you can’t find anyone willing to <em>talk</em> to you, let alone throw a Frisbee at.”</p><p> </p><p>He shot it to Kay, who immediately passed it to Bors.</p><p> </p><p>“I think that’s enough.”</p><p> </p><p>The voice behind him was so clear and so close, Arthur whipped around instinctively. He was rewarded by a <em>thunk</em> as the Frisbee bounced, hard, off the back of his head. Someone laughed. Bors and Kay knew better than to laugh at him.</p><p> </p><p>“Serves you right.”</p><p> </p><p>Scowl deepening, Arthur levelled a glare at the unconcerned figure in front of him, scouring him from head to foot. He saw jeans that might have once been black but were now a worn grey. He saw a frayed cheque shirt with its sleeves rolled up over pale forearms. He saw messy dark hair that curled untamed around large ears. He saw blue eyes.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Shit.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Can I help you?” Arthur snapped. His examination had taken less than a second, but it still felt like he had lingered too long.</p><p> </p><p>“Sure, you could pull your head out of your ass long enough to give the guy his Frisbee back.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur’s stared uncomprehendingly at the newcomer, thrown for a total loop by the unabashed insolence evident in his very stance.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Excuse</em> me?”</p><p> </p><p>The head, looking almost too big thanks to the stupid ears, cocked to one side, the jaw tight with irritation and second-hand indignation. Arthur, who must have still been stunned from being hit in the head, didn’t move as the guy stepped neatly around him and picked up the Frisbee.</p><p> </p><p>“This is yours, yeah?”</p><p> </p><p>He offered it to the kid, who somehow managed to look more pathetic than ever as he nodded mutely and took it back.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s your name?”</p><p> </p><p>“Morris.” It was nearly a whisper.</p><p> </p><p>“Nice to meet you, I’m Merlin.”</p><p> </p><p>His voice was smooth and almost imperceptibly accented. Maybe Welsh or Irish.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin smiled.</p><p> </p><p>“You like playing Frisbee?”</p><p> </p><p>“I…I’m joining the Ultimate Frisbee team.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s amazing!” Merlin beamed, as if a complete stranger’s interests were all he’d been waiting to hear all day. The corners of the kid’s mouth jerked up and Merlin’s manic smile softened.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh great, it’s like a bad sitcom – Losers United.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin’s attention flashed back to Arthur with a glower.</p><p> </p><p>“Better than Pillocks R’ Us.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur shook his head, caught between disbelief and indignation.</p><p> </p><p>“You can’t speak to me like that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Or what? Will I be smote with lightning?”</p><p> </p><p>“You did not just use the word ‘smote’,” Arthur scoffed.</p><p> </p><p>“Too complicated? Hate to break it to you mate, but it was only one syllable.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m honestly surprised you can string together a sentence, you look like you were raised in a charity shop.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin’s cheeks flamed.</p><p> </p><p>“Better than being the inbred prat with a silver spoon rammed so far up his arse his feet don’t touch the ground!”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur let his lip curl in a sneer.</p><p> </p><p>“You reading English?”</p><p> </p><p>Blue eyes blinked.</p><p> </p><p>“How’d you-”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s obvious.”</p><p> </p><p>A pause.</p><p> </p><p>“I’d guess what you’re studying, but I don’t think there’s a course on being a complete dickhead.”</p><p> </p><p>“If there were, you’d be the star pupil.”</p><p> </p><p>“And you’d be the teacher.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur considered saying something about teaching Merlin how to walk on his knees, ran it through his ‘sounds too much like a come-on’ filter and shut his mouth.</p><p> </p><p>He glanced over Merlin’s shoulder, where Kay and Bors were watching, dogs ready to be thrown a chew toy. Morris seemed to have evaporated, but Arthur couldn’t have cared less. Merlin followed his gaze before snapping back around to Arthur, eyes narrowing fiercely until it was like he was trying to shoot lasers by sheer force of will.</p><p> </p><p>“Have I hurt your feelings?” the voice was taunting, “going to get tweedle thick and tweedle thicker to tell me off?”</p><p> </p><p>Bors, looming over Merlin, let out a bull-like grunt and took a dangerous step forward. Arthur barely registered him.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you have any idea who you’re speaking to?”</p><p> </p><p>A cheeky smile, quick as a thought.</p><p> </p><p>“No, but I’m happy to guess.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur, to his own shock, had to bite back a snort. He was saved from replying by a familiar voice.</p><p> </p><p>“Pendragon!”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur almost winced as students lying on the grass some distance away looked up with interest. He took a moment to appreciate the confusion in Merlin’s eyes before he found the source of the shout.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you want, Morgana?”</p><p> </p><p>Morgana, eyes blazing green, dress tight, smile dripping with malcontent, stalked across the green towards them.</p><p> </p><p>“Just making sure my favourite little fresher isn’t causing any trouble.”</p><p> </p><p>She turned to Merlin.</p><p> </p><p>“He’s not bothering you, is he?”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin was still looking at Arthur, seeming more baffled than anything. He appeared uncertain for the first time since Arthur had laid eyes on him.</p><p> </p><p>“Pendragon?”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur was going to enjoy this.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, I’m Arthur. Arthur Pendragon.”</p><p> </p><p>He knew what he was expecting – a bit of fear, a lot of embarrassment, a stuttered excuse, a quick exit. That was not what he got.</p><p> </p><p>“As in Vice-Chancellor Pendragon?”</p><p> </p><p>“My father.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh.”</p><p> </p><p>It took Arthur a moment to recognise the expression on Merlin’s face. It looked something like…disappointment, maybe even verging on disgust. Arthur felt as if the Frisbee had jumped up to hit him in the head a second time.</p><p> </p><p>“I know you.”</p><p> </p><p>It was Morgana, speaking to Merlin again. This time she succeeded in taking his focus off Arthur. Arthur felt strangely relieved.</p><p> </p><p>“You do?”</p><p> </p><p>“Merlin, right? Merlin Emrys. You’re in Professor Gaius’s new tutorial group.”</p><p> </p><p>A smile, bright and all encompassing, washed over Merlin’s face.</p><p> </p><p>“You know Gaius?”</p><p> </p><p>“I saw your photo in his office, he’s my dissertation supervisor.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god, really? That’s great!”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin grinned at Morgana as if she had done something incredibly clever. Morgana took Merlin in in one sweeping look. She flicked her eyes over to Arthur and away so quickly he doubted anyone else would have noticed. It was hard to miss the glint there though, the one that was nothing but trouble.</p><p> </p><p>“Tell you what, Merlin, why don’t you walk with me to my seminar and I can tell you all you need to know about Professor Gaius? We can leave my twat of a brother to entertain himself.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin nodded eagerly, trotting after Morgana as she strode away without another word to Arthur. He glanced at Arthur as he passed though, the look evaluating and definitely not friendly, and then he was gone. Arthur scowled after them before turning away. He suddenly wanted nothing more than to be back in his room. Everything was too bright; the sky was oppressively blue and the laughter of the lazing students set his teeth on edge.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on,” he grunted at Kay and Bors, doing his best not to stomp as he headed away from the green.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>For the next two weeks, it was like Arthur was being haunted.</p><p> </p><p>He saw Merlin buying coffee in the Student Union. He saw Merlin on the bus from the residences to the university. He saw Merlin waiting outside lecture halls. He saw Merlin staggering out of the English faculty with armfuls of books. He was everywhere. It was like re-reading a novel and realising that the same word was highlighted on every page, when you could have sworn it hadn’t even been there the first time round.</p><p> </p><p>It was unsettling.</p><p> </p><p>The worst part was that he was always talking. No matter where he was, there was someone he knew. He would get on the bus, scan the faces in front of him (barely settling on Arthur for an instant) and always find someone to send a cheery “hullo” to. Arthur had noted a few repeated faces among Merlin’s companions, but a disturbing amount of the time it was like he had just conjured up new people to chatter at through sheer force of will.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur hated it. The guy was in his first month of his first year at university, damn it, like Arthur. He was supposed to anxiously having the same stilted conversations as the rest of them, not swanning about as if he owned the place. Hell, Arthur’s family practically <em>did</em> own the place and he did not feel nearly as at home as this goofy-eared geek.</p><p> </p><p>Not that Arthur was bragging about the family name, mind. He had made a point never to mention it, aside from the Frisbee Incident, but word still got out. It was difficult to hide when the university was plastered with the names of various long-dead ancestors of yours. Or when your father was the Vice-Chancellor.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur wondered whether Uther had ever been cornered by desperate professors who chattered about their research as if he could solve their funding problems. Uther had probably never had to dodge hungry-looking students trying to interrogate him about summer placements and grant applications. Uther had definitely never had to sneak out the back of the Student Union to avoid the small gaggle of girls that followed him around for the best part of an hour.</p><p> </p><p>The only positive to that particular incident was how funny Gwen found it.</p><p> </p><p>Gwen was practically the first person on his course he had met. He had been hunched over his notes in the induction session, scribbling down exam dates, career fare dates and basically any other number on the screen, when he had heard a little sound to his left. He glanced over and found that the girl next to him, who he hadn’t registered before, was cheerfully doodling little flowers in the margin of her page. The sound had been her stifled giggle as her neighbour on the other side added a sun in the top corner of the page, adding sunglasses and a grinning mouth with a flourish.</p><p> </p><p>The first girl, sensing Arthur’s stare, looked over with a curious eyebrow, as if he were the weird one. Arthur shook his head critically and jabbed his pen at the tweed-clad professor at the front of the lecture hall. The girl rolled her eyes, leant over and drew a little angry face on his page, finishing with an arrow and the label “Grumpy Pants”.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur had stared at his defaced page for a moment before snorting, amending it so that it read “that’s Mr.Grumpy Pants to you” and returning his focus to the screen. His lips twitched when he heard the giggle.</p><p> </p><p>So, that was Gwen. She was disarmingly sweet, perpetually gentle and unceasingly kind. The girl on her other side, Elena, proved herself to be un-ironically quirky and endearingly clumsy. Arthur reflected that not all interruptions had to be a nuisance.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“The Rising Sun? That doesn’t have anything to do with dragons.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur glanced at Elena, taking in her flushed cheeks and unfocused eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Just because the pub-crawl is called ‘The Dragon’s Tail’ doesn’t mean all the pubs have to stick to a theme.”</p><p> </p><p>“It should! They should have called it ‘Tooth and Fire’ or ‘George’s Bane’ or-”</p><p> </p><p>“I get it. You weren’t complaining at ‘The Lonely Unicorn’, though.” Arthur pointed out.</p><p> </p><p>“At least that had some form of magical creature! This is like calling a pub ‘Totally Not Magical Ball of Gas in the Sky’.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think that would fit on the sign” Gwen offered consolingly, her arm linked with Elena’s.</p><p> </p><p>They were leaning into each other like the two sides of a precarious tent. Elena sighed mournfully, sagging further into Gwen and Arthur had to wonder whether the pair of them were actually stuck there.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you guys want to head off? We’ve done five pubs, no one would mind.”</p><p> </p><p>Gwen sent him a baleful look.</p><p> </p><p>“This is my first pub-crawl, I am not giving up before we’re halfway!”</p><p> </p><p>With a determined, but shaky, stride, she tugged Elena past the squat front door and into the contained tumult inside. Arthur sighed resignedly and followed.</p><p> </p><p>The pub was small by anyone’s standards, but with the addition of a dozen raucous students the resulting crush was almost ludicrous. Arthur shoved his way to the bar, elbowing past a bloke who he vaguely remembered warning them to be responsible at the start of the crawl. From the stains on the front of his shirt, Arthur judged his standards for responsible to be insufficient.</p><p> </p><p>Finally at the bar, Arthur squeezed up beside Gwen just in time to be elbowed lightly in the jaw as she blurrily tried to wave down the barman.</p><p> </p><p>“Easy now, you’re a threat to us all.”</p><p> </p><p>Gwen blinked at him confusedly and Arthur sighed.</p><p> </p><p>“Where is Elena?”</p><p> </p><p>“Bathr’m.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fine. What do you want to drink?”</p><p> </p><p>“V’dka and coke.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hold on!”</p><p> </p><p>A figure seemed to materialise in front of them, pulling a box up from beneath the bar with him and balancing it on one hip.</p><p> </p><p>“Ok, one vodka and coke. Anything else?”</p><p> </p><p>The cheery smile and too-clear eyes were unmistakable.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Double shit.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“You!” Arthur glowered.</p><p> </p><p>“You.” Merlin looked singularly unimpressed.</p><p> </p><p>“Merl’n!” Gwen squealed, lurching as far as she could across the bar to seize Merlin’s shoulders.</p><p> </p><p>“Gwen!” the smile was back, as if its absence had been a blip.</p><p> </p><p>“I d’dn’t know this w’s <em>your</em> bar” Gwen shook his shoulders, startling a laugh out of him as he hastily set the box to one side.</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t know you were going out tonight.”</p><p> </p><p>“Law Soci’ty pub cr’wl.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin laughed at Gwen’s earnest expression, eyes soft and amused and fond.</p><p> </p><p>“So, you two know each other?”</p><p> </p><p>Even Arthur was surprised by the surliness of his tone, but he didn’t let it show. Merlin narrowed his eyes at him, gently removing Gwen’s hands and straightening the black polo she had managed to skew.</p><p> </p><p>“Gwen and I are flatmates.”</p><p> </p><p>Gwen nodded happily before waving an expressive hand at Merlin.</p><p> </p><p>“Merl’n, this is Arth’r, he’s great!”</p><p> </p><p>An unconvinced eyebrow arched.</p><p> </p><p>“Is he now?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I am.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur leant his elbows on the bar and offered up a slow grin. He wondered if the colour rising in Merlin’s face was wishful thinking. Merlin opened his mouth to respond, but was interrupted by a hand landing on his shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“Merlin, mate, I love that you’ve got time for a chat, but I’m dying over here.”</p><p> </p><p>The hand belonged to a man with glossy dark hair swept back from laughing eyes and a rugged jawline. Merlin turned to him with an apologetic moue.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, Gwaine, got distracted. My bad.”</p><p> </p><p>“No worries, sweet cheeks. Drinks now and pulling later, ok?”</p><p> </p><p>Gwaine flashed a smile at Arthur and Gwen, gifting one or both of them with a wink, before sauntering back to the other end of the bar. From the way Merlin squeaked and swatted his back as he passed, it was clear that he’d been left with a pinch to somewhere below the height of the bar.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur scowled.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you going to get us our drinks or what?”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin folded his arms and levelled him with a look that made Arthur feel like an insect pinned to a board for study.</p><p> </p><p>“Sure.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin turned away, grabbing three multi-coloured bottles in one hand and a cocktail shaker with the other.</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t tell you what I wanted.”</p><p> </p><p>He made a show of not hearing Arthur, replacing the bottles, taking up another three, adding a token amount of soda, scooping up some ice, closing the shaker and flicking his wrist with the ease of practice. He somehow produced a glass the size of Arthur’s head from nowhere and poured a sickly gold liquid into it with a flourish. He placed the monstrosity reverently on the bar in front of Arthur.</p><p> </p><p>“Wh-”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin held up a dramatic finger to cut Arthur off, turning away and coming back with an unlit sparkler and a lighter. He promptly plopped the former into the glass and brought it to life with the latter, startling a cheer from the surrounding crowd.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur stared at his dazzling, spitting drink in disbelief.</p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck is this?”</p><p> </p><p>“Dragon’s Breath” Merlin admired his work with pride.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s ridiculous.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s our speciality.”</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t want this.” Merlin cocked his head.</p><p> </p><p>“But it’s our speciality.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur closed his eyes, letting out a long exhale through his nose.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine. How much?”</p><p> </p><p>“Twenty quid.”</p><p> </p><p>That snapped his eyes back to Merlin.</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, it’s eighteen, but I feel that I deserve a tip.”</p><p> </p><p>“That is exorbitant!”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin agreed, a twitch of his mouth betraying him.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re a dick.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin shrugged, unconcerned.</p><p> </p><p>Despite himself, Arthur was having a hard time maintaining his glare.</p><p> </p><p>“What about Gwen’s drink?”</p><p> </p><p>That did surprise Merlin.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, sure. Sorry. Vodka and coke, yeah?”</p><p> </p><p>Gwen was still leaning against Arthur, seemingly completely unaware of the indoor firework a foot away from her head.</p><p> </p><p>“Actually, just a coke, I think.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin nodded, returning with the drink an instant later. Arthur tugged out his wallet, pausing for a moment before tossing down three tens. Merlin looked up, uncertain.</p><p> </p><p>“You realise twenty would cover it, right?”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“You deserve a tip; you’re by far the worst bar tender I have ever had.”</p><p> </p><p>Slowly, like dye spreading in water, a smile came across Merlin’s face. It was the first time he had smiled at Arthur since their first meeting.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, you’re not my worst customer.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll have to try harder.”</p><p> </p><p>The drink had finally stopped shooting off sparks and Arthur lifted it to his mouth. He almost spat the contents across the bar.</p><p> </p><p>“That is repulsive!”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin nodded enthusiastically.</p><p> </p><p>“It is the worst! I don’t actually understand why. I have a theory that there are chemicals in the sparkler or something.”</p><p> </p><p>“You have literally just poisoned me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe, but you’ve paid so it’s not my problem.”</p><p> </p><p>With a parting grin, Merlin turned to his next customer and left Arthur gaping unattractively. He was just considering tipping the ‘Dragon’s Breath’ over the side of the bar to get him back when Gwen stirred weakly at his side.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’ feel good.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur studied her, concerned.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not surprised, let’s get you outside.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The autumn air was like a glass of fresh water after the humidity of the pub. Arthur gave Gwen space as she hunched over, breathing exaggeratedly in the way of someone trying not to throw up.</p><p> </p><p>“Another one bites the dust.”</p><p> </p><p>Mithian, a second year student who had been helping to lead the bar crawl, straightened up from where she had been crouched over another miserably huddled figure. It took Arthur a second to recognise Elena, and to note that she was being far less effective at holding in her retches.</p><p> </p><p>“I wondered where she’d got to.”</p><p> </p><p>“I found her in the bathroom, moaning about mermaids into the toilet. I figured it was time she went home.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur agreed. They decided that Mithian would get Elena home, as she knew which accommodation she was in, and Arthur would be in charge of Gwen. He watched them disappear into the back of a car and refocused on his own patient. He hunkered down beside Gwen, rubbing her back carefully.</p><p> </p><p>“Gwen? Gwen, where do you live?”</p><p> </p><p>A piteous whimper, then nothing.</p><p> </p><p>“She alright, mate?”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur glanced up and found the not-Merlin bartender looking down at them curiously.</p><p> </p><p>“Merlin, go get Merlin.”</p><p> </p><p>“What? Why?”</p><p> </p><p>“Merlin, I need him, can you go get him?” Arthur snapped.</p><p> </p><p>“You <em>need</em> him?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, he’s her flatmate, I need to know where to take her home.”</p><p> </p><p>“Right.” Amusement was written across the guy’s face.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Now</em>, if it’s all the same to you.”</p><p> </p><p>He raised his hands defensively and made a show of backing towards the pub door. By the time Merlin made it out of the pub, Gwen had heaved into a convenient gutter and was blinking uncertainly up at Arthur.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Mer</em>lin! What took you so long?” Arthur scowled at the narrow silhouette as it detached itself from the pub.</p><p> </p><p>“Keep your hair on, I had to clear it with my manager before I could clock out.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why?”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin cocked his head.</p><p> </p><p>“Because he’s my boss?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, I mean, why are you clocking out?”</p><p> </p><p>“I thought Gwen needed to be taken home?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, but <em>I</em> am doing that, <em>you</em> just need to tell me the address.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t be silly” Merlin waved his hands “she’s my flatmate, I’ll go with her and make sure doesn’t throw up in her bed or anything.”</p><p> </p><p>“I could do that.”</p><p> </p><p>“That doesn’t make sense, I literally live with her. Why are you arguing about this?” Merlin was frowning, clearly ready to get offended, whether on Gwen’s behalf or his own was unclear.</p><p> </p><p>“She’s my friend, I said I’d look after her.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin’s expression relaxed into something like surprise.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s nice of you.”</p><p> </p><p>“I <em>am</em> nice.”</p><p> </p><p>“Clearly.”</p><p> </p><p>The sarcasm was dry but the smile was genuine.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>That was how Arthur ended up bundled into the back of an uber with a dozy Gwen propped up between him and Merlin. Merlin had tried to make a fuss about Arthur paying for the car, even reminding Arthur of the exorbitant tip he had left earlier, but Arthur just ignored him. From the muttered expletives and occasional “cabbage head” Arthur did not think Merlin had forgiven him for that yet.</p><p> </p><p>Eventually, he simmered down though, shifting as Gwen’s head lolled onto his shoulder. He looked curiously over at Arthur.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you not drink tonight? How come she’s plastered and you look like you’re ready to play the national poker championship?”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur glanced out the window, where a misty drizzle was starting to settle over the passing buildings.</p><p> </p><p>“Because they’re lightweights and I’m a Pendragon.”</p><p> </p><p>“And Pendragons don’t get drunk?”</p><p> </p><p>The look Merlin sent him was playful, if a little wary.</p><p> </p><p>“No, Pendragons know how to drink. My Father has been working on my alcohol tolerance since I was sixteen.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin snorted.</p><p> </p><p>“Seriously?”</p><p> </p><p>“Very seriously. Honestly, it takes all the joy out of being a rebellious teenager when your Father makes you drink whisky once a week like it’s homework.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s one of the most depressing things I have ever heard.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t get me started,” Arthur said with too much feeling.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin watched him for a moment before settling back in his seat, humming softly to the radio. Arthur filled the time adding Mithian on Facebook to check on Elena. When they rolled up outside the low grey building that was all Gwen and Merlin’s hall of residence consisted of, Gwen was well and truly asleep.</p><p> </p><p>Quickly, while Merlin was chattering to the driver about a soap opera Arthur had never heard of, Arthur gently extracted Gwen from the car and carried her bridal-style towards the building.</p><p> </p><p>“Oi! Tosser!”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur paused while Merlin caught up.</p><p> </p><p>“You do realise that that isn’t my name, right?”</p><p> </p><p>“Could have fooled me. What are you doing? You don’t live here.”</p><p> </p><p>“Astute observation.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur pointedly waited for Merlin to enter the code for the front door, which he had to do several times as he insisted on glaring at Arthur for the entirety.</p><p> </p><p>“I could carry her.”</p><p> </p><p>“She’s not heavy.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur chose not to point out that Merlin looked like he couldn’t stand up to a stiff breeze, but from the dirty look Merlin sent him it seemed his opinions were pretty evident. Arthur grinned. Merlin turned and stalked away, leading them up some stairs and then down a series of narrow, grey corridors.</p><p> </p><p>Then down some more stairs.</p><p> </p><p>Then along more, identical grey corridors. At the third indistinguishable flight of steps Arthur stopped.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Mer</em>lin.” The innocent look he got in return was all he needed to know.</p><p> </p><p>“Stop being an utter prick and take us to your flat.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why, is the caveman tired?” Arthur would have rather sawn his arms off at the elbow than answered that honestly.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think Gwen would be happy being lugged around like a sack of potatoes.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good point. Do you mind, Gwen?”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur glanced down and realised that Gwen was peering sleepily up at them. He was about to ask her how she felt when she raised an imperious hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Go forth my loyal subjects, my chamber awaits.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin laughed.</p><p> </p><p>“Ooh, drunk Gwen is very regal.”</p><p> </p><p>At Arthur’s expression he laughed again before striding back in the direction they had come. Arthur swore quietly and comprehensively as he trekked back up the stairs and down two more corridors until Merlin stopped proudly by an unremarkable door.</p><p> </p><p>“Tah-dah!”</p><p> </p><p>“I hate you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hush, her majesty is resting.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin unlocked the front door without much fuss, letting them into the dingy little flat and turning on the main light.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur had the vague impression of half a dozen identical doors facing off along a bleak hallway, bare bulbs blinking under a layer of dust and a combined kitchen and living room cramped with clothes horses and unwashed dishes. In his arms Gwen had recovered her hand-eye coordination enough to dig her room key out of her jean pocket and hand it to Merlin. Merlin opened the closest door and gestured for Arthur to go in ahead of him.</p><p> </p><p>“Just on the bed, Lurch, if you don’t mind.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur didn’t even bother to respond as he laid Gwen as gently as he could manage on her single bed. He felt incredibly light as he straightened, shaking out his sore arms with a barely suppressed groan. He caught Merlin’s satisfied smirk and dared him to say anything about it. Instead, he focused back on Gwen.</p><p> </p><p>“How you doing, Queenie?”</p><p> </p><p>Gwen tried to give a thumbs-up but couldn’t seem to figure out which bit of her hand was her thumb. In the end she just offered them a jaunty wave.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin chortled.</p><p> </p><p>“Next time you get wasted, I am going with you. I think drunk Merlin and Gwen would be great friends.”</p><p> </p><p>“We are friends, Merlin,” Gwen’s voice was tired but less slurred, which Arthur took as a good sign.</p><p> </p><p>“Will she be ok?”</p><p> </p><p>“I should think so. I don’t know how many hangovers she’s had though, so that might be a nasty shock.”</p><p> </p><p>He turned to face Arthur with a lopsided grin.</p><p> </p><p>“You can stop being all mother-hen and go home now. I’ve got her, I promise.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur didn’t even think to doubt him, which should have been a warning in itself, and let Merlin lead him back to the door.</p><p> </p><p>“What halls are you in?”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur winced internally.</p><p> </p><p>“Pen House.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin gave him a blank look.</p><p> </p><p>“You mean Pendragon House?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re shitting me.”</p><p> </p><p>“I wish. My Father insisted.”</p><p> </p><p>In fact, it had been more like he had flamed out of the conversation when Arthur had suggested that he could go into one of the less historic halls, just to be able to mix more with the wider student body. Arthur had not mentioned it again. Instead, he put up with the many and varied ways one could be mocked when your name was on a building. “I was inside Pendragon earlier, fucking disgusting” had been one of the kinder jibes he had heard in passing.</p><p> </p><p>“You poor fucker. I guess it’s nearby at least.” Which was true, it was only ten minutes up the hill from where they were standing.</p><p> </p><p>“Poor fucker is a step up from inbred tosser.”</p><p> </p><p>“I call it as I see it.” Merlin shrugged unapologetically.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m getting that.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin smiled again, but then a hesitant look came over his face.</p><p> </p><p>“Look, I don’t want to be presumptuous or anything-”</p><p> </p><p>“Never a good start.”</p><p> </p><p>“But,” Merlin pressed on “you should know that Gwen has a boyfriend.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur blinked. Out of the two-dozen things he had half expected that was not one.</p><p> </p><p>“I know.”</p><p> </p><p>The head cocked again.</p><p> </p><p>“You know?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. Lance. I play football with him.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh…” Merlin seemed even more unsure than before “yeah, he’s a third year medicine student.”</p><p> </p><p>“Quite.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur’s tone seemed to snap Merlin back into himself.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, sorry, I guess I just assumed you were being so protective of Gwen and everything because you fancied her.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur scowled at him, offended.</p><p> </p><p>“No, I looked after her because she’s my <em>friend</em>. Like I said.”</p><p> </p><p>“You did.”</p><p> </p><p>For a second Merlin’s face was unreadable, but then there was a gleam of white as he grinned, as bright and quick as lightning. The glow from the hallway cast dramatic shadows across his cheekbones but the eyes were as soft as evening sky. Something clicked into place in Arthur’s head, like a picture coming into focus.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Oh. That.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks, in that case.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin was still talking and Arthur returned the smile as best he could.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t mention it.”</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Arthur dashed between the bookshelves in as close to an approximation of a run as you could get away with in a library. A few heads raised, clearly looking for any distraction, but soon drooped back to their books and laptops as Arthur rushed past.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Anyone. Literally, anyone.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He was just passing an almost empty island of desks when he paused. Reversed. There.</p><p> </p><p>‘Emrys’ was emblazoned across the back of a dark blue leavers’ hoodie, hanging loose around a pale neck that led up to unkempt dark hair.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Arthur had not seen Merlin since the previous Wednesday, an impressive stretch considering how omnipresent he had been for the two weeks prior to that. The only communication they’d had was a short back and forth on Thursday. It had gone something like:</p><p> </p><p>Arthur: Are you alive? Or did Merlin manage to poison you too?</p><p> </p><p>Gwen: Piss off, not my fault you’re too slow to order</p><p> </p><p>Arthur: Why, Gwen, you’re sounding awfully grouchy this morning, I do hope your head isn’t hurting.</p><p> </p><p>Gwen: Fuck you, you know it’s me. G is fine, currently trying to make me carry her to the kitchen</p><p> </p><p>Arthur: Don’t you dare, I’m not coming back over there just because you gave Gwen a concussion.</p><p> </p><p>Gwen: I COULD carry her! But she has to learn. She has unrealistic expectations now</p><p> </p><p>Arthur: Of course she does, she met me.</p><p> </p><p>Gwen: You’re used to carrying things, you have to drag that fat ego everywhere</p><p> </p><p>Arthur: Bitterness is not a good colour on you.</p><p> </p><p>Gwen: FUCK OFF</p><p> </p><p>Arthur: In a bit. Why do you have Gwen’s phone?</p><p> </p><p>Gwen: She asked me to message Lance asking for “kisses and cuddles” and you butted in</p><p> </p><p>Arthur: She did not say that.</p><p> </p><p>Gwen: She did</p><p> </p><p>Arthur: Did you actually send that to Lance?</p><p> </p><p>Gwen: I couldn’t not. I cannot express how pathetic she looks right now</p><p> </p><p>Arthur: Coming from you that is saying something.</p><p> </p><p>Gwen: Just for that, I’m not going to tell you how he replied</p><p> </p><p>Arthur: Come on, I have to know now. What’d he say?</p><p> </p><p>Gwen: You asked for it</p><p> </p><p>Arthur: Yes, that is correct, I am literally asking you to tell me.</p><p> </p><p>Gwen: “Oh no, my little pookie bear &lt;3&lt;3&lt;3 I am coming over right now to snuggle you so hard that hangover won’t dare stick around!! &lt;3&lt;3&lt;3”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur: Omfg wtf that is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen.</p><p> </p><p>Gwen: IKR!!!</p><p> </p><p>Arthur: I can never look at Lance the same way again.</p><p> </p><p>Gwen: I am going to vomit as soon as he arrives, there is no avoiding it</p><p> </p><p>Arthur: Careful, he’ll think you’re hung over and snuggle you too</p><p> </p><p>Gwen: ...I mean, don’t tell G but I wouldn’t be opposed ;)</p><p> </p><p>Arthur: You do realise that you’re on her phone right now?</p><p> </p><p>Gwen: SHIT!!!</p><p> </p><p>The next message Arthur received had been nearly an hour later, a selfie from Gwen with Lance bundled around her, exaggeratedly hurt expressions on both their faces. Arthur had sent back several vomiting emojis, went to message Merlin, realised he didn’t actually have his number and refocused on his essay.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Now, though, Merlin was here and, for once, alone.</p><p> </p><p><em>Bingo</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Be cool” Arthur hissed, sliding into the seat next to Merlin.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin jerked and let out a squawk too loud for a library. He tugged out earphones Arthur hadn’t seen and turned to Arthur with a look of such pure confusion it was comical.</p><p> </p><p>“What? What are you doing?”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Be cool</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>It was all Arthur had time for before she tracked him down.</p><p> </p><p>“Arthur! There you are,” a sickly sweet voice called, oblivious to the shushing of the other students.</p><p> </p><p>The girl had long, wind blown hair that had probably never felt a breeze and a sulky mouth coloured in with luxurious red. Her nails were red too, and talon length. Arthur shuddered inwardly.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi, Sophia, I didn’t know you were here.”</p><p> </p><p>She stopped on the other side of the table to Arthur and Merlin, leaning in a way that was probably supposed to be provocative but looked pretty uncomfortable. Her loosely buttoneed shirt left little to the imagination in terms of cleavage and Arthur noted with a hint of satisfaction that Merlin barely glanced at it.</p><p> </p><p>“Didn’t you? I called your name.”</p><p> </p><p>“Music” Arthur snatched up Merlin’s earphones and waved them abstractedly.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, duh” Sophia smiled, a girlish trill to her voice “anywho, do you want to go over Professor Agravaine’s lecture? I was totally lost.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Like hell.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t have my notes on me, sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>Sophia let out a tinkling laugh that grated against Arthur’s ears like bashed piano keys.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, how about coffee then? I’m sure we’ll find something…else to talk about.”</p><p> </p><p>Her tone would have made an oil slick feel dirty.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, I’m here to study with Merlin.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur slung his right arm around Merlin and shoved their chairs closer together so he could push Merlin’s shoulder in front of his, a bit like a shield. Not that Arthur was hiding or anything. Merlin made a surprised sound and turned to stare at Arthur, opening his mouth. Arthur shot him a meaningful look and shook his head almost imperceptibly.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin looked confused but settled against Arthur comfortably. His eyes flicked between Arthur and Sophia like he was observing the first contact with an alien species, but he let Arthur line them up shoulder to hip, as if being manhandled by Arthur were the most natural thing in the world.</p><p> </p><p>“Merlin?” Sophia made no attempt to hide her sneer “is he even on our course?”</p><p> </p><p>“I-”</p><p> </p><p>“No, he does English” Arthur cut Merlin off before he tried to help by lying or something stupid.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin’s left hand was still resting on top of his notebook, so Arthur seized it with the hand not around Merlin’s neck and interlaced their fingers. The back of it felt baby soft against Arthur’s palm, but he could feel the edges of callouses along his fingers.</p><p> </p><p>“English?” Sophia’s face warped into a plastic smile “how…quaint.”</p><p> </p><p>The “and totally pointless” was barely unsaid. Merlin tensed all the way along his body and Arthur glanced over to see the other man’s eyes narrowed dangerously. That look was kind of great when it was on your side.</p><p> </p><p>“My mother read English.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur hadn’t meant to say that, hadn’t known he was going to, but the way Sophia’s face bleached at the comment was entirely worth it.</p><p> </p><p>“I-I didn’t mean…”</p><p> </p><p>“And you know, it wasn’t actually our plan for academics to come up in our…<em>study</em> <em>session</em>, was it?”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur offered Merlin a leer he hoped looked less crazy than it felt. Merlin seemed to be several pages behind in the non-existent script, still focused on stabbing Sophia with his eyes, so Arthur squeezed his hand harder than necessary to get his attention.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes!” Merlin nearly yelped before composing himself “really, it’s too bad. Maybe another time.”</p><p> </p><p>The insincere pout he offered Sophia nearly made Arthur break. He had to turn away to hide his grin, Merlin’s hair brushing his cheek for an instant, while he composed himself.</p><p> </p><p>“I see.” Arthur wanted to crow at the sour expression on Sophia’s face.</p><p> </p><p>“So, unless there is anything else?” Arthur lent his head against Merlin’s and felt a thrum of satisfaction when he leant back.</p><p> </p><p>“I guess not.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur could have sworn he heard her “harrumph” as she flounced off. He enjoyed the moment, wallowing in the triumph of his escape. Someone very close to his ear cleared his throat.</p><p> </p><p>Yanked back to the present, Arthur realised that he was still touching Merlin almost as much as physically possible without sitting on him, the position so peculiarly comfortable Arthur had forgotten he was there. He could have probably stayed like that for hours.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Not thinking about that.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He extricated himself as calmly as he could manage, determined not to let a hint of embarrassment show. He shuffled his chair away from Merlin a bit, just leaving enough space so they wouldn’t accidentally touch just by moving. A friendly amount of space, Arthur considered. He still felt warm all down that side of his body.</p><p> </p><p>“So…” Merlin began “are you going to explain that, or should I assume it was some kind of performance art piece?”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur rolled his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re ridiculous.”</p><p> </p><p>“Kinky role play?”</p><p> </p><p>“Merlin!”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re from an alternate dimension?”</p><p> </p><p>“Shut up.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin mimed zipping his lips closed and looked at Arthur expectantly.</p><p> </p><p>“That was Sophia. I met her on the pub-crawl on Wednesday, before the Rising Sun. Before Gwen drunkenly dragged me away we chatted and I snogged her a bit.”</p><p> </p><p>An expressive eyebrow rose.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, perhaps not the wisest choice. I don’t know, maybe I was drunker than I thought. Anyway, she’s been sitting next to me in lectures all week and keeps whispering stuff and touching me. It’s infuriating!”</p><p> </p><p>A severe look from a passing librarian made Arthur lower his voice again.</p><p> </p><p>“She’s driven Gwen and Elena insane, they’re refusing to sit next to me until I shake her off. Today, I slipped in right as the lecture was starting and sat at the back. Apparently, she took that as a challenge.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin was grinning, showing exactly zero sympathy for the absolutely shitty week Arthur had been having.</p><p> </p><p>“Stop enjoying this. Anyway, I’ve sorted it now,” he sat back in his seat, hands behind his head “I bet she won’t try to talk to me for the rest of the year.”</p><p> </p><p>“True” Merlin almost frowned, looking at Arthur thoughtfully “that was a pretty left field thing to do, most straight guys wouldn’t have tried it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, well, I’m not. I’m bi.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wait, you are?”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin froze, his mouth literally hanging open as he stared unblinking at Arthur for an interminable amount of time. Unbidden, Arthur felt the colour rise in his face.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, is that an issue?”</p><p> </p><p>That snapped Merlin out of it.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, oh no, no, no, no, not an issue, not an issue at all, that’s great, that’s cool, that’s cool, cool, cool, good on you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good on you?” Arthur raised an eyebrow. Enjoying the flush that spread up from Merlin’s neck, all the way to his obscenely high cheekbones.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, yeah, of course. I mean, I’m gay.”</p><p> </p><p>“I figured.”</p><p> </p><p>Head cocked.</p><p> </p><p>“You did?”</p><p> </p><p>“Wanting to cuddle with Lance was one clue.”</p><p> </p><p>“I maintain that it is an impulse common to the whole of humanity.”</p><p> </p><p>“Also, the first time we met you mentioned my arse twice.” Arthur smirked.</p><p> </p><p>“I did not!”</p><p> </p><p>“You did.” He leant forward “what do you think your subconscious is trying to say, Merlin?”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur waggled his eyebrows. Merlin glared.</p><p> </p><p>“What can I say? I see you and I just think ‘arse’.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, Merlin, I’m sure that’s all you think.”</p><p> </p><p>He shot a wink at Merlin, pushing back his chair and standing. Merlin’s only response was an undignified screech and a smack to Arthur’s arm. Grinning, Arthur only let himself glance back once to make sure that Merlin was still goggling like a landed fish after him. He refused to reflect later on whether what he had said could be construed as flirting, it was a pointless exercise.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p>Running into Merlin became commonplace over the ensuing weeks. Morgana would bring him with her sometimes when she met Arthur for coffee, he would come to meet Gwen after lectures, he would be sitting with Mithian and Elena in the library when Arthur had an hour between classes. He was never looking for Arthur, never seeking him out. He was just there, part of his and his friends’ lives, happy to see everyone, whether expected or not.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur sometimes found himself having to brace a little before sitting at a table with Merlin, just to be ready to have that exuberance shot at him.</p><p> </p><p>One could argue that if Arthur had wanted to dodge Merlin he could have kept away from the Rising Sun on nights Merlin was working, or made an effort to avoid passing lecture halls he knew Merlin was about to come out of, or insisted that Gwen came to study in his much nicer room rather than her bleak little flat. He didn’t though.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>As October shifted into November, the weather started to cool in earnest. Leaves were clogging gutters, trees went from mottled orange to bare grey, and scarves seemed to multiply of their own accord. It made Arthur twitchy, like a horse being led back to its stable too soon, knowing that the short winter days and bleak weather were coming.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He was playing keepy uppy with Leon and Elyan, waiting for the others to congregate on Knightley Green for their biweekly football game. He had been good friends at school with Leon and had been sorry when Arthur’s gap year meant that they didn’t get to start at university together. Leon had welcomed him to Camelot with open arms; inviting Arthur to the casual five-a-side he had set up with his group of friends. Arthur had liked them all immediately, taking a particular liking to Lance, Percy and Elyan.</p><p> </p><p>Leon kicked the ball a bit too hard and it went over Elyan’s shoulder. Arthur followed it with his eyes and spotted four figures coming towards them. Merlin, somehow surprisingly and totally predictably all at once, was among them. He was chattering happily to Gwen, whose hand was in the comfortable custody of Lance. Arthur was less pleased to recognise the man on Merlin’s other side as Gwaine, the overly affectionate bartender.</p><p> </p><p>Lance waved cheerfully, stopping the ball deftly with one foot. He kicked it on to Percy, whom Arthur realised had approached from the other direction. Lance dropped his bag next to Elyan’s and tugged out his football boots.</p><p> </p><p>Gwen left him to it, trotting over to greet Elyan, her brother, with a hug. They were <em>those</em> siblings, the ones that genuinely liked each other and hugged just to say hello. If Morgana ever hugged Arthur it was generally sarcastic or the preamble to an attack.</p><p> </p><p>It was actually because Elyan and Gwen were so close that she had met Lance. Lance and Elyan had been housemates in their second year, a set up that resulted in instant and irrevocable love for the med student as soon as Gwen came to visit her brother. Gwen, who had already received her offer for the Camelot University, had hung around so often and for so long Elyan had threatened to charge her rent. Luckily, this year Lance had moved into a house of other Medicine students, meaning that Elyan only had to deal with his friend mooning over his sister in public, as everyone did.</p><p> </p><p>“Bringing a whole fan club today, are we Lance?”</p><p> </p><p>Lance glanced up at Arthur as he tied his shoes.</p><p> </p><p>“Gwen wanted to stop by to see Elyan, and we ran into Merlin on the way. Apparently Gwaine likes football and Merlin asked if it was ok if he joined, I figured the more the merrier.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur was not feeling merry and he was still pinpointing why when Merlin dragged Gwaine over to him.</p><p> </p><p>“Voila!” Merlin gestured to the scruffy-chinned Irishman at his side. Arthur was unimpressed.</p><p> </p><p>“You just walked a grown man across a field, you didn’t pull a rabbit out of a hat.”</p><p> </p><p>Gwaine smirked “doesn’t mean he didn’t wave a magic wand.” Merlin rolled his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>That’s why.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“I mean, <em>voila</em>, I have found you a player to replace Bors. You were whining about it yesterday.”</p><p> </p><p>“I was not <em>whining</em>, <em>Mer</em>lin.”</p><p> </p><p>He had just been pointing out what damned bad luck it was for Bors to break his ankle playing <em>quidditch</em> of all things as it left their five-a-side uneven. Merlin had had little sympathy, as he was yet to forgive Kay and Bors for the Frisbee Incident. Arthur was not about to pull at that thread, he wasn’t sure how or why he had been pardoned but he doubted it was a trick he could do twice.</p><p> </p><p>“So, you don’t need a player?” Gwaine’s tone was amused and Arthur felt like he was being mocked.</p><p> </p><p>“It depends, are you any good?”</p><p> </p><p>“I dabble.” The smile was all challenge.</p><p> </p><p>“Gross” Merlin waved his hand in the air as if dispersing fumes “too much macho-ness over here, I’m going to go sit with Gwen.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin sidled away. When Arthur eventually returned his attention to Gwaine, the smile had sharpened into something puzzling but undeniably dangerous.</p><p> </p><p>Leon, Arthur’s oldest friend and most reliable ally, took one look at the targeted glares shooting between Arthur and Gwaine and declared them on the same team. It was probably safest for all involved.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Gwaine was a good player. He was faster than Leon and more aggressive than Lance, but it was his absurd quips to the other team that Arthur really found himself appreciating. He even pulled a laugh out of the normally stoic Percy by ripping off his shirt and whirling it around his head to distract him when Elyan attempted to score. He was a good laugh, fitting in easily with the group and seemingly equally happy to be on either side of a joke. Arthur liked him despite himself.</p><p> </p><p>Occasionally, Arthur would glance to the sidelines, where Merlin and Gwen had propped themselves against a wide tree. It was the first time anyone but Gwen had watched one of their games and it was distracting. Sometimes the pair were chatting, sometimes reading and sometimes cheering. More often than not though, Arthur found himself meeting Merlin’s steady gaze. He didn’t know which of them had started it or what to make of it.</p><p> </p><p>Eventually, it was time to call it a day. Arthur almost without thinking found himself jogging over to the tree, collapsing onto the ground next to Merlin with a huff. Merlin looked down at him, amused.</p><p> </p><p>“Enjoy your run around?”</p><p> </p><p>“Fresh air and exercise, Merlin, it is a wonderful thing. You should try it sometime.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin wriggled comfortably against the tree. “I think I’m good, thanks for the advice.”</p><p> </p><p>“What? Are you afraid of actually developing some muscles?”</p><p> </p><p>“I have plenty of muscles!” He was indignant. Arthur grinned.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you do any sports, Merlin?” Gwen interrupted curiously.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, yeah, actually. I climb.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur turned to him in surprise.</p><p> </p><p>“You climb? As in, with ropes?”</p><p> </p><p>“Um, sometimes. Camelot isn’t really good for that though, so generally I just go to the bouldering gym.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh yeah, like a climbing wall without a rope but with mats?” Gwen’s eyes sparked with excitement.</p><p> </p><p>“Exactly.”</p><p> </p><p>“That sounds so fun!”</p><p> </p><p>“It is.”</p><p> </p><p>“Can I come with you?”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin shrugged. “Sure. I’m going with Freya tomorrow if you want to come.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sounds great!” Gwen clapped her hands with excitement and Merlin’s smile went almost shy.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll come too.”</p><p> </p><p>They both turned to Arthur in astonishment.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>You</em> want to go bouldering?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. Why, don’t you want me to go?”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course not – I mean, of course I want you – I am happy for you to come.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin’s face nearly matched his scarlet scarf now.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m just not sure whether you’d like it, is all.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why wouldn’t I like it?” Arthur frowned.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, for one thing, there’s no ball to chase.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not a dog” he shot Merlin an exasperated look.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course you’re not” Merlin petted his head consolingly. Arthur nearly enjoyed it before he registered that he was being mocked.</p><p> </p><p>He stood abruptly, brushing grass from his shorts.</p><p> </p><p>“Text me the details.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur started striding back towards the others.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t have your number!”</p><p> </p><p>“Ask Gwen!”</p><p> </p><p>Later, when Arthur received a message reading:</p><p> </p><p>Unknown number: If any overbearing prats feel like going bouldering tomorrow, meet 3pm @ the Rox on Druid Lane.</p><p> </p><p>It felt like the day had been a victory.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The Rox Climbing Gym was a converted warehouse in a part of town Camelot liked to pretend it didn’t have. Glass crunched underfoot, empty NOS canisters clustered on street corners, the sound of train tracks rattled the air. The exterior of the building was a smog-stained grey with an uninformative sign declaring it to be “The Rox” with a silhouetted figure climbing as its logo.</p><p> </p><p>Luckily, inside was an entirely different world. The ceilings were high, the light was bright and the floors were clean. There was a seating area with squashy couches and rough pallets serving as tables. Behind this, thick blue mats marked the beginning of the climbing area, each wall painted a different colour and dotted with a rainbow of holds.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur was standing on one of these mats, the rented climbing shoes pinching uncomfortably as he looked up at the wall.</p><p> </p><p>“Ready to give it a crack?” Merlin slapped his back.</p><p> </p><p>“Obviously.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin nodded encouragingly, ignoring Arthur’s haughty tone. Arthur stepped forward and hooked his hands into the red starting holds.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, Arthur, I said green would be best to start with-”</p><p> </p><p>Up he went.</p><p> </p><p>Instant regret.</p><p> </p><p>He made it to the penultimate hold by sheer force of will, his fingers screaming at him the whole time. He glanced up at the improbably far away finishing point and grimaced. Below him, Merlin said something.</p><p> </p><p>He jumped for it.</p><p> </p><p>And slipped.</p><p> </p><p>With an undignified clatter, Arthur skidded down the wall, landing heavily on his butt on the mat.</p><p> </p><p>“Yikes, you ok?”</p><p> </p><p>There was a soft touch to his shoulder and concerned blue eyes in his space.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine,” Arthur grimaced “that was more difficult than I expected.”</p><p> </p><p>“I got that.”</p><p> </p><p>The amusement in Merlin’s voice earned him a glower and he held up his hands.</p><p> </p><p>“Easy now, just because you were a dollophead, no need to take it out on me.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur was about to demand that Merlin stopped grinning like that, stopped touching his shoulder and stopped making up words when Merlin stood up. He felt bereft.</p><p> </p><p>“Look, I’ll show you.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur just had time to register that he was eye-level with Merlin’s arse when the other man was off.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin moved easily, smoothly. It seemed to take him no effort to stay on the wall and his feet were precise, quiet and neat. He didn’t pause before the final hold, just reached for it, and Arthur felt royally cheated that the distance suddenly looked negligible. With both hands on the hold Merlin glanced over his shoulder and grinned before descending. It looked as easy as climbing down a ladder.</p><p> </p><p>Both feet back on the mat, Merlin turned to Arthur expectantly. Arthur rooted around for something sarcastic to say but he had nothing.</p><p> </p><p>“That wasn’t…unimpressive.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wow, that’s not not a complement.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur rolled his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin started going on about how Arthur hadn’t warmed up properly and needed to try simpler routes first to get a bit of technique, and how he was relying too much on his muscles. Arthur stared at him.</p><p> </p><p>“You want me to not use my muscles to climb up a wall.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not just about strength. If you do it right you can conserve your energy and won’t end up looking like King Kong on the Empire State Building.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur scowled. Merlin grinned.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t worry” Merlin patted Arthur’s arm consolingly “I’m sure you have your uses.”</p><p> </p><p>Almost unconsciously (read: very consciously) Arthur flexed the muscle under Merlin’s fingers.</p><p>“Are you talking to my bicep or me?”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin grinned his long fingers giving a final squeeze before he let go.</p><p> </p><p>“The bicep of course, I know you don’t have any uses.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“He’s good, isn’t he?”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur, who hadn’t realised that Freya had come to slouch next to him on the mat, jerked his gaze up to the waif-like woman at his side.</p><p> </p><p>“He seems decent.”</p><p> </p><p>Freya gave him a disbelieving look.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur had not met Freya before, but he had heard Merlin mention her in passing. She was a first year studying Anthropology and, although a little shy, she had greeted Gwen and Arthur as if they were celebrities. He had no idea how she knew Merlin, knowing Merlin just seemed to be a thing that happened to people with little explanation.</p><p> </p><p>“I climbed a bit before uni, but I swear Merlin must have been born part mountain goat.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur shrugged. “He is Welsh.”</p><p> </p><p>“I heard that!”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur glanced back up at Merlin, who was hanging by a lanky arm from a wall that slanted at a preposterous angle overhead. Merlin, apparently unconcerned by little things like gravity, had been leisurely switching his feet on a hold a squirrel would have struggled to cling to. Somehow, during the manoeuvre, he had found a way to twist around and glare at Arthur.</p><p> </p><p>“Ignore him, Merlin, you’re fantastic!”</p><p> </p><p>Gwen, who had sat cross-legged next to Freya, beamed up at the wall. Merlin hurriedly turned back and finished the route, his ears burning an entertaining red.</p><p> </p><p>Honestly, the whole afternoon had been full of surprises. For one thing, it had forced Arthur to acknowledge (only to himself) that Merlin was not actually as skinny as Arthur liked to say he was. No, he was all wiry muscle and lean lines, capable of a surprising level of dexterity. The man who couldn’t walk down a level pavement without tripping was perfectly balanced when you put him fifteen feet up a wall with no ropes.</p><p> </p><p>He was also flexible.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur had nearly swallowed his tongue when he had turned from watching Freya’s impressive ascent to see Merlin practically doing the splits. He was illogically resting half way up a wall, his long, long legs stretching between the sparse holds the only thing keeping him from the ground as he shook out both his hands at once.</p><p> </p><p>As Arthur had watched, he reached back to dig one hand and then the other into the chalk bag slung around his hips. At least, that was Arthur’s excuse for why his eye line snuck downwards even as Merlin returned his hands to the wall. He looked on in fascination as Merlin shifted his weight and the muscles in his arse flexed.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Danger, danger, danger, danger.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>A titter from behind him snapped his attention back to Freya, whom he had been half way through a conversation with. It seemed that he had been asked a question.</p><p> </p><p>“Um…I study Law?” He tried.</p><p> </p><p>“I was asking if you wanted to get some tea.”</p><p> </p><p>“Right. Yes. That would be good.” Arthur flushed as Freya sniggered again and got to her feet.</p><p> </p><p>“Tea sounds great.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin was back at their side. He offered Arthur a chalky hand and pulled him to his feet with a grunt. Arthur tried to scramble his brain to make a comment, but his thoughts had stuttered at the feel of that hand, slender despite the rough callouses. Merlin let go of Arthur and turned towards the front of the gym, dusting his hands against his body to get rid of the excess chalk. He managed to leave a perfect handprint on the seat of his trousers and Arthur had to consciously stop himself from fitting his own hand over it, just to see how it felt.</p><p> </p><p>He let the others walk ahead of him as he subtly adjusted his trousers.</p><p> </p><p>By the time they had retrieved Gwen from where she was scrabbling against a sloping wall in frustration and purchased three toasty warm teas and one hot chocolate, Arthur was feeling more under control.</p><p> </p><p>“This was actually pretty good fun” he conceded to Merlin as they settled across from each other and sank into the sofas.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin grinned as if Arthur had just paid for his tuition.</p><p> </p><p>Gwen, who had taken to climbing more quickly than Arthur with the simple expedient of actually listening to Freya and Merlin, agreed with Arthur’s praise wholeheartedly before turning to Merlin.</p><p> </p><p>“When did you start climbing?”</p><p> </p><p>It was an innocuous question and if Arthur had not been watching, he might have missed the shadow that passed over Merlin’s face for a second. It was a look of such hurt and sorrow that Arthur froze, sure that no one, especially not Merlin, should never have a reason to make a face like that. Then it was gone and he was smiling.</p><p> </p><p>“Since I was eight. There were some great places to climb outdoors around Ealdor and my mum said that it was safer for everyone if I did a sport where I had to be tied to a rope.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin’s mum, Hunith, sounded so exactly like Arthur’s idea of the ideal mother he could not imagine her having anything to do with that fleeting, awful look.</p><p> </p><p>“That sounds amazing” Freya spoke wistfully “my mum would have killed me if I had wanted to do a anything like that at that age. She nearly made me quit dancing when I twisted my ankle.”</p><p> </p><p>“Very sensible woman, nice young ladies like you shouldn’t be prancing about in your skivvies” Merlin waved his finger sternly, his brow furrowed in a parody of disapproval.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Don’t</em>, you sound exactly like my grandfather.”</p><p> </p><p>The conversation moved on to Freya’s contemporary dance training, but Arthur lagged behind a bit.</p><p> </p><p>What could possibly have made Merlin – determinedly chirpy, stubbornly helpful, indisputably likeable Merlin – so miserable? How could a look like that exist on the same face as the easy smile that arose as Freya described some upcoming performance? It made no sense. Not in that familiar, ridiculous way Merlin made no sense, but in a way that made Arthur’s chest feel tight.</p><p> </p><p>Something nudged Arthur’s foot and he glanced down to see a battered, well-loved climbing shoe. He looked up and met Merlin’s questioning gaze. Realising that he had been scowling at his tea, Arthur shoved a smile onto his face that definitely looked forced. Merlin noticed. His face immediately became concerned; his head cocking to one in such a <em>Merlin</em> way Arthur felt the thing squeezing his chest ease. He felt himself relax. He knocked his shoe against Merlin’s companionably and fixed him with an exasperated look.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin rolled his eyes and pointedly refocused on Gwen and Freya, the corner of his mouth twitching. Arthur caught him sending sidelong looks his way though and was careful the engage in the conversation as if he had nothing more on his mind than the difference between <em>dehors</em> and <em>dedans</em> turns.</p><p> </p><p>Honestly, he should have been a theatre student.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Arthur banged on the inoffensive door loudly, his backpack slung over one shoulder and gripped in a vice by one hand. His foot tapped impatiently on the stained brown carpet for all of five seconds before he attacked again. He was about to go for a third time, as much for the satisfaction battering the door gave him as out of impatience, when it opened.</p><p> </p><p>A rumpled Merlin poked his head out, blinking when he saw Arthur glowering at him.</p><p> </p><p>“Arthur? What are you-”</p><p> </p><p>“Where’s Gwen?”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur barged past him, ignoring Merlin’s affronted yelp as he shoved into the flat. He thudded down until he was outside Gwen’s room and returned to his knocking with unabated aggression.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey! Hey, clotpole! She’s not here!”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur paused. Turned back to Merlin.</p><p> </p><p>“Where is she?”</p><p> </p><p>“She’s visiting her parents this weekend, you know that. She won’t be back until tomorrow morning.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh. Right.”</p><p> </p><p>The fight drained out of Arthur in one rush. Merlin warily sidled up to him like someone approaching a pet they weren’t sure was friendly.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you need Gwen for?”</p><p> </p><p>“It doesn’t matter.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur cursed inwardly, the small hurricane in his chest swirling tightly. He squared his shoulders, trying to pass Merlin to get back out into the hall.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, tell me.” Merlin wasn’t budging.</p><p> </p><p>“Seriously-”</p><p> </p><p>“Nope,” Merlin flailed expressively “you are not allowed to try to knock down our door and then slope off as if it’s a perfectly sane thing to do.”</p><p> </p><p>A door opened behind Merlin opened and a pale face peeked out, squinting at Arthur distrustfully.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s going on?”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin treated the peaky visage to a reassuring grin and waved his hand dismissively.</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing, Mordred, Arthur was just being a bit overly enthusiastic with the door.”</p><p> </p><p>The slight figure didn’t blink, just kept his unhappy eyes on Arthur. Unconsciously, Arthur took a step closer to Merlin and Mordred’s gaze shifted into something sharp.</p><p> </p><p>“We’ll keep it down now.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin gripped Arthur by the arm and tugged him back to the open door by the kitchen that led to his bedroom. Mordred’s expression did not waver until the door clicked closed, shutting him out.</p><p> </p><p>“He’s a charmer.”</p><p> </p><p>“He’s not so bad. It’s a shame –he’s not eighteen for another month so he’s basically the only first year that can’t go out to drink. I think he feels a bit left out.”</p><p> </p><p>“Doesn’t mean that he’s allowed to be creepy.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin snorted.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur took that opportunity to take in Merlin’s room, with its narrow bed separated from the narrow desk by an even narrower strip of floor. The pieces of furniture were cramped together like unhappy neighbours, everything covered with a second skin of clutter. There was a corkboard behind the desk plastered with miscellaneous items including faded photographs, dog-eared flyers, ticket stubs, hand-written notes, a single Pokémon card, half a postcard, an inexpertly crafted dream catcher and the end of a Christmas cracker.</p><p> </p><p>It was like peeking into a magpie’s nest and seeing all the incongruous things it considered precious.</p><p> </p><p>“This place is a sty.”</p><p> </p><p>“I wasn’t expecting company!” Merlin looked aggrieved.</p><p> </p><p>“Would that have made a difference?”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin looked less aggrieved.</p><p> </p><p>“No.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur made a point of pushing a heap of unfolded t-shirts off the desk chair before sinking into it with a sigh.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, time to spill” Merlin perched on his bed, not sparing a glance for the pile of notes that slid sullenly off and to the floor.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur leant back in the desk chair and stared up at the pockmarked ceiling.</p><p> </p><p>“I have an assignment due tomorrow.”</p><p> </p><p>Silence.</p><p> </p><p>“And…”</p><p> </p><p>“And I didn’t do great on my last one.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>That was a bit of a simplification. Arthur had collected his last paper from the front desk of the law building a week ago and had frowned at the circled mark. He had flipped to the first page and felt a stone of familiar dread plummet into his stomach.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Do better.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Two words, underlined once. It had been written by a red, inky pen that had pressed into the full stop so that it bled through to the next page.</p><p> </p><p>The other pages were dotted with helpful blue comments from Professor Annis with a few friendly tick marks. It didn’t matter. All Arthur had needed to know was on that first page.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur had spent the week since that note frenziedly writing and rewriting his next assignment until the letters swirled behind his eyes and the word ‘therefore’ had lost all meaning. He needed a second opinion, a fresh set of eyes that could see all the mistakes that were right in front of him.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“So you wanted Gwen to read it through?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. Something like that.”</p><p> </p><p>No Gwen. What options did that leave? Elena or Leon? They would only tell him what he wanted to hear. Mithian? He liked her well enough, but didn’t really feel comfortable dumping this baggage at her feet. Morgana? She would start frothing at the mouth if he explained why he was killing himself over this essay.</p><p> </p><p>He shrugged helplessly. He felt defeated. Drained.</p><p> </p><p>“I mean, I’d be happy to read it through if you like.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur snapped his eyes to Merlin, who was watching him closely.</p><p> </p><p>“Really?”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin frowned at Arthur’s eagerness.</p><p> </p><p>“Calm down, mate. I’m not giving you a kidney, I’m reading your essay.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur felt the tension across his shoulders slacken, the tightness in his chest finally letting him breath.</p><p> </p><p>“No, I know. That would be great.”</p><p> </p><p>“And I don’t know any of that law mumbo jumbo, we’re just talking about structure and grammar here.”</p><p> </p><p>“I get it.”</p><p> </p><p>“And-”</p><p> </p><p>“Merlin.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin went quiet. He was still studying Arthur intently, blue eyes unblinking for a few moments. Unlike with Mordred, Arthur found that he didn’t mind all that much.</p><p> </p><p>“Why are you so het up over this thing? Everyone gets a disappointing mark sometimes.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur tried to gather up the energy to lie and deny, to insist that he was stressed a perfectly reasonable amount, thank you very much, and Merlin was being as moronic as ever. He didn’t manage it. His brain was fried, his eyes were scratchy with missed sleep, and he hadn’t seen Merlin in almost a week.</p><p> </p><p>“My father…expressed his displeasure at my last grade.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin looked surprised.</p><p> </p><p>“Your father? He gets his hands on your assignments?”</p><p> </p><p>“Apparently.”</p><p> </p><p>“That doesn’t seem fair, especially since I’m guessing he doesn’t say ‘good job’ when you do well.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s his way.”</p><p> </p><p>“Can…can I ask about your dad?”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin already knew that Arthur’s mother had died giving birth to him. He had asked about Arthur’s ring and had listened attentively as he explained. When Arthur had paused, feeling uncomfortably exposed, Merlin told him how his dad had been a soldier that had left his mum before he was born. The only news Merlin had ever had of him was a letter that arrived when he was seven, saying that Balinor Locke had been killed in action. The story, though tragic, had made Arthur feel at ease and he had bumped Merlin’s shoulder with his own, a sense of closeness washing over them for a moment.</p><p> </p><p>His father was a different matter.</p><p> </p><p>“What about him?” Arthur’s tone was sharp.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s just…you don’t really speak about him or seem to go see him or anything. Camelot isn’t that big a place, I would have thought he would want to check in on you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Evidently, he does check in on me.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin rolled his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“I meant to check in on <em>you</em>, not your marks.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur could only shrug at that. It was difficult to explain Uther’s brand of parenting, somehow managing to be both absent and controlling at the same time.</p><p> </p><p>“My father has always been clear in his expectations.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin was frowning, as if Arthur’s relationship with his father was a passage from a book he had yet to tease the meaning out of.</p><p> </p><p>“Does he have ‘expectations’” the air quotes were obvious in his tone “about a lot of things?”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur nearly laughed.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes.”</p><p> </p><p>“Like?”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur rolled his neck tiredly, feeling the vertebrae crack.</p><p> </p><p>He explained how, at the suggestion that Arthur wanted to take a gap year, Uther had announced that he had already sorted out an internship for him at a law firm to gain experience. He did not take kindly to Arthur pointing out that he had been planning on going travelling with Leon. As it was, Leon went straight to university and Arthur had been stuck for a year filing and fetching coffee for obnoxious lawyers who had just wanted to remind him how important his father was.</p><p> </p><p>He described how Uther had contrived to select his modules for the upcoming year before Arthur had ever seen the options, waving off Arthur’s objections that Constitutional and Administrative Law sounded fantastically boring with barely a glance.</p><p> </p><p>He even mentioned that Uther had communicated very clear instructions about which societies it would be suitable for Arthur to join in university and which would most definitely not be.</p><p> </p><p>“What? But trying out different things is basically the whole point of university!”</p><p> </p><p>“No, <em>Mer</em>lin, the point is to get a degree.”</p><p> </p><p>“A degree in having a stick up your ass, maybe” Merlin grumbled.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur pretended that he hadn’t heard.</p><p> </p><p>“The only societies I am supposed to join are the Law society and the football team.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin knitted his brow.</p><p> </p><p>“But you’re not on the football team, you only play with Leon and the others.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur nodded, feeling a little bloom of smugness.</p><p> </p><p>“Father said that I could only join if I became team captain by the end of the year. He probably figured that I loved football too much to say no, but I decided that I wasn’t going to let him take control of that too. So, I just play with the lads for fun and he stays off my back.”</p><p> </p><p>“Congratulations, now you’re just a competitive arse in your own right.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur held up two fingers in retribution.</p><p> </p><p>“I think you should still join other societies though; I tried out like twenty in my first month.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur’s mouth quirked.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course you did. Which do you think would suit me best?”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin studied him critically.</p><p> </p><p>“Knitting. Definitely knitting. It’s basically just making something by stabbing it.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur barked a laugh.</p><p> </p><p>“You did <em>not</em> try knitting.”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course I did, it’s how I met Mithian.”</p><p> </p><p>“God, you’re such a giant <em>girl</em>, Merlin.”</p><p> </p><p>“Shut up, all the girls we know could probably beat you up anyway.”</p><p> </p><p>“So, what did you make in knitting?”</p><p> </p><p>“A noose. Turns out, I hate knitting.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur laughed again. Merlin fell into a thoughtful silence after that and Arthur relaxed into the lull, rubbing at the crick in his neck and watching the condensation on Merlin’s nearly opaque window. His eyes went glassy as all the strain of the week washed over him.</p><p> </p><p>“Right” Merlin stood and clapped his hands, startling Arthur into making a sound that could potentially be described as a ‘squeak’.</p><p> </p><p>“Here’s the plan. I’m going to read your essay, you’re going to submit it and move on with your life. We’re going to find you a <em>non-academic</em> society you’ll enjoy and one day, with a bit of luck, you’ll be a real boy. Got it? Good.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin snatched up Arthur’s bag and shoved it at him.</p><p> </p><p>“Essay, please.”</p><p> </p><p>“You can’t tell me what to do.”</p><p> </p><p>“I did, I am, I will. Essay, please.”</p><p> </p><p>Shaking his head, half way between bemused and entertained, Arthur dug out his laptop and pulled up the essay. He handed it to Merlin.</p><p> </p><p>“Go nuts.”</p><p> </p><p>“Cheers.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin took the laptop in one hand and grabbed Arthur’s wrist in the other, tugging him up out of the chair and pulling him down next to him as Merlin settled himself on the bed. Arthur didn’t think to object.</p><p> </p><p>“You can explain all the legal nonsense as I go, I can’t be arsed with all your jargon.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin didn’t look up again as he read, eyes scanning with that laser focus he seemed able to conjure out of nothing, like a magician putting on his hat.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur almost didn’t notice Merlin’s hand until it was already on the back of his neck, in the exact spot that had been aching before. Deft fingers dug in, massaging Arthur right where it felt like his muscles had seized up into a tight tangle of unrelenting stress. Merlin brushed over one spot, just above his shoulder and Arthur <em>melted</em>.</p><p> </p><p>He locked his elbow to stop himself collapsing back onto the bed and arched his neck forward helpfully; delighting in the sensation of tightness he hadn’t even noticed evaporating. At one point he let out a sigh that came out more as a soft rumble, low in his chest. Out of the corner of his eye Arthur saw Merlin’s mouth twitch, so Arthur stopped looking.</p><p> </p><p>“Done.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur’s eyes felt reluctant to refocus as Merlin’s hand retreated from his neck. He didn’t fully understand what had just happened or why, but he wanted to figure out how to bring it about again.</p><p> </p><p>“Where did you learn to do that?”</p><p> </p><p>“What, read?”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>No</em>, the…” Arthur waved his hand in the vague direction of his neck.</p><p> </p><p>“I went to three sessions of the massage club.”</p><p> </p><p>“We have a massage club?”</p><p> </p><p>“We do,” Merlin made a face “I stopped going after this guy, Cedric, tried get me to come back to his for some “one on one practice”.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur decided to make sure Merlin crossed massage club off whatever mad list of societies he was making for Arthur to try. Not that Arthur had agreed to any of that yet, of course.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin refocused on the computer in front of him, taking Arthur through sections he had highlighted with an incisive precision that Arthur wasn’t expecting. He quickly reclaimed the laptop, typing notes next to each section as Merlin talked. He kept insisting that it was a “top notch essay” and “not worth having a tantrum about you big drama queen”, but his criticism was direct, reasoned and made no attempt to pander to Arthur’s ego.</p><p> </p><p>“You can stay here to make the changes if you like,” Merlin offered, sitting back as Arthur tapped away.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur glanced up.</p><p> </p><p>“Obviously, <em>Mer</em>lin.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin rolled his eyes and stood. For a moment Arthur thought he was going to be left alone, but Merlin only crouched and pulled a cardboard box, falling apart at the seams, out from under his bed. It was stacked full of books of every shape, age and size, a couple sliding off the top as Merlin tugged it out of its hiding place.</p><p> </p><p>“What are you doing?”</p><p> </p><p>“Finding something to read while you scowl at your computer, I finished my book this morning.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur shook his head. “I mean, why are you keeping your books under your bed?”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you see a bookshelf?” Merlin waved his hand expansively, not looking up as he considered the pile in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>There wasn’t a bookshelf. There was a cupboard, a bed, a desk, a chair and very little else. Arthur was still thinking about it when Merlin clambered back onto the bed, propping himself up with the only pillow and opening the book halfway through without preamble.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur pulled his attention back to the essay, trying to tune out Merlin’s constant fidgeting and loud breathing.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Later, back in his own room, Arthur let out a slow breath. His mind felt quiet for the first time in weeks and for a few minutes he let the silence settle over him like a blanket. He let his thoughts spiral aimlessly, feeling them unfurl and drift away from the tight knot he had kept them in for days. It was incredibly peaceful.</p><p> </p><p>It didn’t last. Before long he started to twitch restlessly. His room was too empty, too still. The heating was on, but he didn’t feel warm. He dug his phone out of his pocket and selected a dating app, flicking idly from profile to profile. He chose not to analyse too closely why he ended up messaging a boy with elfin looks and messy dark hair to come over.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Merlin was true to his word and Arthur found himself being dragged to all manner of societies over the ensuing weeks. Arthur would never be told beforehand where they were going or what they were doing. Merlin would just scoop him up and sweep him along, like the wind plucking away a businessman’s hat.</p><p> </p><p>On one occasion Arthur had been working in the student union when Merlin had swooped by, snapped his laptop closed and wandered off with it.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Mer</em>lin!”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur had stuffed his notes into his bag as quickly as he could and scrambled after Merlin’s retreating back, cursing him the entire time. He caught up with him outside a multipurpose room that had, it turned out, been booked out for the Bollywood dance society. Arthur had very nearly walked right back the other way.</p><p> </p><p>But Merlin cajoled and persuaded and sometimes out and out threatened, and Arthur found that it was actually very hard to say no to him. He called Arthur overbearing, but you would have better luck untangling yourself from an octopus than getting Merlin to let go (sometimes literally) when he wanted something from you.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Some of their outings were more successful than others.</p><p> </p><p>“Merlin!”</p><p> </p><p>Gwen paused as Arthur raced across the lobby of the student union, hot on the heels of a fleeing Merlin. Merlin spotted her and darted forwards, shrinking behind Gwen as if she weren’t eight inches shorter than him.</p><p> </p><p>“It was an accident!”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur tried to grab at him, but the coward just shuffled around, keeping Gwen between them.</p><p> </p><p>“Why the fuck would you put your stupid easel on my seat?”</p><p> </p><p>“I needed more green!”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin dodged as Arthur lunged again, the two of them scuttling around Gwen like squirrels on a tree.</p><p> </p><p>“My jeans are ruined!”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll wash them!”</p><p> </p><p>“As if I’m letting your horrible peasant soap anywhere near them.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur finally snagged Merlin’s shirt and dragged him back with a yelp, putting him in a headlock and squeezing as Merlin flailed. Gwen watched on indulgently.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Sometimes Arthur would get a message in the morning telling him to bring a change of clothes and Arthur would know to expect an abduction at some point that day. He was always careful to follow these instructions though, after one ignored message had ended with him having to play water polo in his boxer shorts, much to the delight of the onlookers.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin had been strangely quiet after that one. He had opted out of playing, a choice not available to Arthur, to sit fully dressed and red-faced at the side of the pool. He had barely even glanced at Arthur when he had announced that water polo was just football that you could drown playing and had walked into a wall on their way out of the building.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>One thing that confused Arthur was how Merlin got them into all these groups. Most clubs had closed their doors to non-members by this point in the term, but it seemed like the university was yet to make rules that applied to Merlin because everyone from baking to Pokémon were happy to invite them in.</p><p> </p><p>After every new club Merlin would turn to him hopefully and ask how he liked it.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Merlin, I am not about to join the beekeeping society.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why not? You had fun.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, I just found it incredibly funny when that bee got under your veil and you screamed like a five-year-old girl.”</p><p> </p><p>“Shut up, I screamed like a warrior.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not joining.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fine.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin would always fix him with a look, as if Arthur were the one being stubborn, and flounce off to prepare for his next hair-brained scheme.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>One evening Arthur was with Morgana, Gwen, Elyan and Percy at the university cafeteria. Arthur was just scowling down at the grainy muck that apparently passed for coffee when his phone buzzed.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin: Where you at?</p><p> </p><p>Arthur: Caf.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin: Great!! :) :)</p><p> </p><p>Arthur: Why?</p><p> </p><p>No reply. Arthur looked up and found Morgana watching him with a smirk.</p><p> </p><p>“Merlin’s coming?”</p><p> </p><p>“Might be.”</p><p> </p><p>It was only when he scowled at her that Arthur realised he had been smiling.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin, unsurprisingly, appeared less than ten minutes later, Morgana spotting him first and called him over. He ambled up with an expansive wave, pulling a chair from an adjacent table and settling next to Arthur.</p><p> </p><p>After asking Percy how his presentation had gone (shit) and Elyan how his date had been (very shit) he turned his focus on Arthur.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s that?”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur frowned at the plate in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>“A blueberry muffin.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh no, that’ll be much too heavy,” Merlin snatched up the muffin and handed it to Percy, who took a bite automatically. Arthur gaped at him.</p><p> </p><p>“Merlin!”</p><p> </p><p>“You’ll thank me later.”</p><p> </p><p>“I highly doubt that.”</p><p> </p><p>“No trust, no trust at all,” Merlin shook his head sadly “I’m just trying to save you any embarrassing throwing up situations.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why on earth would I throw up?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know, maybe if you get hit in the stomach or something.” He shrugged dismissively.</p><p> </p><p>“Why the <em>hell</em> would I be hit in the stomach?”</p><p> </p><p>Morgana raised her hand.</p><p> </p><p>“I can think of a few reasons.”</p><p> </p><p>“Shut it, witch.”</p><p> </p><p>“There’s one.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin had apparently decided that that was enough small talk because he was already standing, gesturing to Arthur expectantly.</p><p> </p><p>“Right, we’re off.”</p><p> </p><p>“To where?”</p><p> </p><p>“So many questions.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin tried to grab Arthur’s bag but Arthur was ready this time and snatched it up, holding it close to his chest. Merlin gave him an indulgent look he didn’t understand, grabbed his arm and tugged.</p><p> </p><p>“Up and at em, here we go.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin wasn’t pulling very hard, nowhere near as hard as Arthur knew he could, but Arthur found himself standing anyway.</p><p> </p><p>“Say good bye to Arthur, everyone!” Merlin called as Arthur found himself propelled backwards between tables.</p><p> </p><p>“Bye, Arthur!” Cheery voices called.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin dropped his arm once they were outside and Arthur was allowed to see where he was walking again. He caught Merlin’s eye and almost laughed at how proud he looked. Honestly, it was like being kidnapped by a puppy.</p><p> </p><p>“Seriously, here are we going?”</p><p> </p><p>“Have you ever heard of MMA?”</p><p> </p><p>“No.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re in for a treat.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>For once, it turned out, Merlin hadn’t been wrong. The MMA, or Mixed Martial Arts, society was a godsend. It was the same room as the Bollywood dance club had been in, but this time the floor was covered in thin, shabby mats. The instructor, a hard looking man with short red haired called Geraint, had a surprisingly soft voice and wry sense of humour. He took the twenty or so students who had turned up through a warm up and then set them to work in pairs with boxing gloves and pads, much to Arthur’s delight.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, Merlin, hands up.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, you enjoy punching me too much.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know what you’re talking about, move your feet.”</p><p> </p><p>“This is the worst one we’ve tried yet.”</p><p> </p><p>“I couldn’t disagree more.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ow!”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin’s mood did not improve as the session continued. Climbing might have left Merlin stronger than he looked, but he was much lighter than Arthur and had the killer instinct of a newborn babe.</p><p> </p><p>“Let me go!”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re supposed to break the hold.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re sitting on me!”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s an added challenge.”</p><p> </p><p>“Get off! You obnoxious, arrogant, supercilious-”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur tightened his grip and the rest of Merlin’s rant was lost in a gurgle.</p><p> </p><p>At the end of the ninety-minute time slot Arthur was feeling pleasantly tired but energised, his body abuzz with endorphins.</p><p> </p><p>“God, trust you to enjoy the most violent sport the university offers,” Merlin groused, hefting the side of the mat he and Arthur were dragging to the corner of the room. Arthur ignored him.</p><p> </p><p>“This was great! I feel like I’ve actually used my body for something today, I thought I was going to waste away in front of my laptop.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin ducked his head, pleased.</p><p> </p><p>“Glad we’ve found a way to work out your anger issues.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t have anger issues.”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course you don’t.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur dropped his side of the mat with more force than he needed to, earning an unimpressed look from Merlin. The last mat deposited, they headed over to where the handful of remaining students were packing their bags.</p><p> </p><p>“So, are you going to join?”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur considered it. Uther certainly wouldn’t approve, the club definitely met the bar for “frivolous waste of time” and as soon as Arthur signed up he was practically guaranteed a strongly worded email about his “lack of focus”. All the same…</p><p> </p><p>“I think I will, yeah.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin beamed at him.</p><p> </p><p>“What about you? Feel like becoming a bit less pathetic?”</p><p> </p><p>He got an eye roll for that.</p><p> </p><p>“No way am I signing up for this, I have to deal with your aggression on a daily basis anyway.”</p><p> </p><p>“Right, of course.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur was surprised by the strength of his disappointment but tried not to let it show. Merlin, inevitably, noticed.</p><p> </p><p>“If you want someone to join with though, you could ask one of the lads.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur considered it.</p><p> </p><p>“Gwaine used to do Muay Thai, didn’t he? He’d probably be into this.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s a great idea!”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin’s smile was beatific.</p><p> </p><p>“I knew you and Gwaine would like each other once you got to know one another. I’m really glad everyone’s taken to him so well, he really needed a new group.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur looked at Merlin curiously.</p><p> </p><p>“How come? He seems to get on with most people.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, but I think last year he fell in with the wrong crowd a bit. From what he’s said they weren’t the best and he ended up having to repeat the year. He’s done with them, thank god, but I think he was a bit lonely at the start of the year.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur blinked. He had known that Gwaine was repeating a year, but he had never asked for details and had assumed that Gwaine just didn’t care much about his studies.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s why you invited him to play football with us?”</p><p> </p><p>“Partially,” Merlin shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur shook his head. Trust Merlin to have a noble reason for doing something so seemingly unremarkable.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re something else, Merlin.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin crouched over his backpack, his ears reddening. They finished packing in silence and meandered together out of the room.</p><p> </p><p>“So, I actually found you a society you like.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur was confused by how unhappy Merlin suddenly sounded.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, you did.”</p><p> </p><p>“I guess that means you’re saved from tomorrow in that case. The film society are doing a viewing of Jaws in the Forest Building, I was going to bring popcorn.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur hesitated.</p><p> </p><p>“I mean, I wouldn’t be opposed…it’s good to keep your options open.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin eyed him cautiously.</p><p> </p><p>“But, if you ever make me do another dance society I will drown you in the pool – don’t think that I didn’t see you looking at the folk club posters.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin’s expression took on a squirrely quality.</p><p> </p><p>“So you would have an issue if someone, say, had arranged for you to go to a ballroom dance meeting next Tuesday?”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin took off with a yelp when Arthur lunged at him and they raced down the stairs.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>Arthur hadn’t really noticed Christmas approaching until he was smacked in the face by the tinsel. He had been walking back from the kitchen, checking his phone, when the low hanging decoration had tried to wrap itself around his head. He spluttered and swore, half ripping the damn thing down and just stopping short of stomping on it just to show who was the boss. His mood did not improve when he got back and saw that his room was not empty. A man with luxurious dark hair, carefully maintained stubble and icy dark eyes was sitting on the bed, doing up his shoes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He looked up when Arthur entered. His expression was several steps left of friendly and his gaze was hot on Arthur’s skin.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Cleaning our glasses took a while.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Did it?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You were hoping I would be gone by the time you came back.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur shrugged, non-committal, his eyes skating away as he made his way to the mirror by the wardrobe. He fussed with his hair, exasperatedly tugging out bits of tinsel and fluffing his fringe with more concentration than was probably warranted.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know, most people are less tense after a good shag, not more.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Maybe because you’re not a good shag.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur summoned some approximation of politeness and turned to offer Cendred? Cenrad? a tight smile.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sorry, I have a lot to do today.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cendrad waited for Arthur to say more before he got the message that there was no point.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I guess that’s my cue then.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur waved a hand expansively, as if it was entirely the other man’s decision, but started walking towards the door without waiting for further comment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ll walk you out.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What a gentleman.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That was a joke and they both knew it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They didn’t talk as Arthur led the way to the front of the building, Cendrid watching Arthur with something like amusement, Arthur keeping his eyes fixedly forward.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At the front door, Arthur hesitated. Shoving the guy out into the cold without a word was a bit harsh, but he couldn’t think of anything he wanted to say.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Candrid spoke.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I had a good time, Pendragon, do let me know if you’re ever in the mood for another go.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Not bloody likely.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Same here. I mean, yes, I had a good time too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m glad.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes. Quite.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>This can’t get any more awkward.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur reached for the door handle at the same Candrick leant forward for a parting kiss. He caught Arthur on the side of his mouth and then, when Arthur turned to frown at him, full on the lips. Arthur didn’t close his eyes like Candick did and only let him stay there for a second before pushing him away with a gentle but firm hand to his chest. Dark, smug eyes met his for a second, clearly unconcerned by Arthur’s unresponsiveness.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A sound to Arthur’s left made him look around.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Of fucking course.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Distracted by the Very Awkward Kiss, Arthur hadn’t noticed when he had pulled the door open that there was someone at the other side. Someone named Merlin, to be precise.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Um…” Merlin’s eyes were wide, lips were flopping a bit as he struggled to find actual words.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Merlin.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Candickhead had spoken, surprised but pleased.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Cenred.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Cenred. Not Candickhead. Easy mistake.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin was watching the man warily, his frame tense.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I haven’t seen you around in a while, are you still at the Rising Sun?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yup. Still have to eat, don’t I?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cenred looked him up and down slyly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I bet you do.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He had adopted a lascivious tone that made Arthur bristle. He studied the other man closely, more closely than at any other point in their short acquaintanceship. He did not like what he saw.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You were just on your way out, weren’t you, Cended?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cenred glared at Arthur for that, but nodded after a moment and started making his way past Merlin. It was only because he was looking for it that Arthur saw the way Cenred’s hand purposely brushed the back of Merlin’s, and how Merlin snatched his own away as if stung.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur had to try very hard not to drag Cenred back by his stupid hair and ask what the fuck he thought that was doing. By the tight-jawed look Merlin sent after him, Arthur wasn’t the only one. Merlin gave a little shake of his head, as if throwing off a bad dream, and turned back to Arthur.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How do you know that prick?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sure looked like you knew him.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin was clearly trying and failing not to sound accusatory.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t. He was on this dating app and I invited him over for a bit.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh,” Merlin looked unsure, a little unhappy “so…you like him?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“God no, he seems like a bit of a creep to be honest.” Merlin still didn’t look convinced so Arthur continued “besides, just because he is a prick doesn’t mean he has much of one.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That almost drew out a smile, so Arthur decided to move on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Were you coming over for something?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, yeah, right.” Merlin’s bright look seemed a little forced but Arthur didn’t say anything “I came to bring over your Christmas card.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He dug around in his backpack for a moment before pulling out a little red square of an envelope. Arthur took it and looked down in surprise.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You got me a Christmas card?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Of course I did,” Merlin ruffled his hair self-consciously “I always get them for my friends.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“God, you’re going to be busy – I think the whole university falls into that category.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin mock-glared at Arthur and seemed to relax.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ve only got eleven to do this year. Well, twelve if you count my Mum.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Only eleven? I am honoured.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>And confused</em>.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>How could Merlin only consider eleven people his friends? The guy literally spoke to everyone. Hell, eleven would barely cover their friendship group.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Didn’t you want to get a card for anyone else from home?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin glanced away, so Arthur nearly missed that brittle, fractured look he had only seen once before.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not really, no.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin shuffled his feet uncomfortably and adjusted his bag. Arthur knew he would make a run for it if he gave him a chance.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You want to come in? I have some of that fancy hot chocolate of Morgana’s you’re so mad for.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur felt gratified when Merlin only hesitated for a second before acquiescing and following him inside. He saw the moment the tension left his body as he became distracted ogling the hallway.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Pen House was unique among the University of Camelot’s student residences in many ways. For one thing, rather than stacks of flats crammed into an impersonal block of concrete, it was actually a converted manor house situated in the middle of the city’s small but pretty botanical gardens. Antique paintings of foxhunts and stern-faced aristocrats, a few of whom Arthur was related to, lined the corridors, making it feel more like a museum than a home.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin followed Arthur meekly back to his room, only making one comment about Arthur’s close resemblance to a figure in a painting. It turned out he was referring to one of the dogs.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He snorted when he entered Arthur’s room, shaking his head in amazement.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This is bigger than our living room back home.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur shrugged a little helplessly and Merlin paid him no mind. He started hunting around the room as if determined to ferret out any secrets the strict tidiness could hide. Arthur winced when he found the en suite.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This is some hotel-level shit! Why would you ever move out of this room?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Because everyone has to at the end of the year,” Arthur sounded more irritated than he felt.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No way, no house in Camelot can even come close to this place. You’re going to have to stage a protest or something, you’ve been ruined for living anywhere else.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s not that great.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are you kidding? It’s-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin glanced over and seemed to realise how uncomfortable Arthur was.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s no big deal, it’s just a room. I can be cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur laughed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, you are being so cool right now.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin offered him a winning smile and after that it was easy. Arthur got them hot chocolate and sat on the bed while Merlin claimed the armchair (“you have an armchair!”) and they talked in a looping way about lectures and friends and movies. Basically every topic but the one Arthur wanted to know the most about.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So, how do you know Cenred?” Arthur began without preamble.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin didn’t look happy at the mention of his name, but the expression was nothing to the one Arthur was looking out for.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Wasn’t about Cenred being here then.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He used to come into the pub sometimes. He would always try to make me as uncomfortable as possible but it generally wasn’t too bad. Last time he was in I swear he groped my arse while I was collecting glasses and acted like I was the dick when I told him off for it. Kilgharrah was on my side though, so he’s banned now. Still, I see him around sometimes and he always gives me these looks and winks at me. It makes my skin crawl.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur dealt with his emotions by creating a very pleasant mental image of Cenred being kicked in the face repeatedly. The little shit should consider himself lucky if Arthur never saw him again. He realised he had been quiet too long and cleared his throat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m sorry you ran into him here, I didn’t know. If it makes you feel better, I won’t be seeing him again.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is that because he’s him or because you’re you?” Merlin’s tone was light but his eyes were fixed on Arthur.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur shifted on the bed. He tried to avoid talking about his hook ups with Merlin. It wasn’t something he was particularly proud of after all, and Arthur didn’t want Merlin thinking of him doing that, treating people like that. It was impossible to escape all mention though, as Morgana loved to tease him for his inability to commit and liked to remind the whole group that Arthur hadn’t been with the same person more than once since he was seventeen. How she knew that Arthur shuddered to think.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Both, I suppose.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why don’t you like seeing people again? Surely the sex is better after you get over all the first time awkwardness.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin saying the word “sex” made Arthur’s mind go fuzzy for a second.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not looking for the best shag in existence or anything, it’s just to let off a bit of steam.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin cocked his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is it an Uther thing?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur grimaced. Trust Merlin to cut right to it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He was very clear with me and Morgana growing up that relationships were for after you got a degree, not before. He says it splits your focus.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin pursed his lips and frowned, as if mentally preparing to unpack all the ways Uther was spouting nonsense.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Has Morgana never had a relationship then?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not that I know of. That’s probably more her choice though, she generally tries quite hard to piss him off when she can.” Arthur knew that she had a few people at her beck and call, Morgause being the most memorable.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So you don’t see people more than once just to make sure you don’t care about them?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I guess, a bit.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>People didn’t mind when Arthur didn’t call again, most of the time at least. He showed them a good time, gave as good as he got, and made it pretty clear that repeat performances weren’t welcome. It helped that he seemed to have a gift for finding people who left him with little desire for conversation, which made bundling out again no hardship.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin shook his head. “Trust you to turn being a man-whore into a complicated back story.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur didn’t tell him the rest of it, about who he had let close and who had got hurt. It was there though, like an augur in the back of his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He shrugged irritably.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s easy. I unwind, they unwind. I get on with my life.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You seem plenty wound now.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur gave a rueful smile.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You would be too if you’d had to try giving Cenred head. I think the tosser scratched my throat.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Gross, too much information.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin shuddered dramatically and Arthur felt his shoulders relax. Merlin wasn’t done though.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So you’re happy doing your whole one-time-only thing?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur narrowed his eyes at Merlin.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s fine. It gets the job done.” Merlin made a face “don’t give me that look, I’m an adult and I can look after myself. This isn’t any of your business.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, you’re probably right.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin’s gaze was shuttered, his eyes fixed somewhere over Arthur’s shoulder. Arthur had no idea what he was thinking and hated it. He wanted to pull Merlin down next to him and put his arm around him and pull every thought out of him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Stop it.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin left not long after that, pausing as Arthur let him out and to reach up to the side of Arthur’s head, plucking a stray shred of tinsel out of his hair. He quirked his lips at Arthur and was gone.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was only later that Arthur remembered the little envelope on his desk. His name was printed unevenly across the front and the card inside had a photo of a puppy wearing a Christmas hat with the name “Santa Paws” in block capitals along the bottom.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Inside, the message was simple.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Dear Clotpole</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>I hope for your sake Santa visits prats this year. Even grinches deserve a bit of cheer.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Have a good Christmas! </em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Merlin</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>There was a little doodle in the corner of a frowning face wearing reindeer antlers that Arthur supposed was meant to be him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur set the card on his desk before deciding that the light from the window might damage it and moving it to the mantelpiece. Then he moved it back because he couldn’t really see it there. In the end the card was placed on his bedside table, angled carefully so it was visible wherever he was in the room.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin: Oi, pratface, did you have something to do with the deliverymen waking me up this morning??</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur: Depends, what did they deliver?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin: You know what they delivered!!!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur: Do you like it?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin: I mean yes, obviously, but this isn’t fair!! I didn’t get you anything :( </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur: You got me a card.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin: Not the same!!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur: Send me a pic.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin: Only because I haven’t thought of a proper present to get you yet</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The photo was of Merlin, in his room, beaming. Behind him Arthur could see three neat shelves, already nearly overflowing with books.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur: They look good. Shame you can’t fit more though, they were the biggest ones that would work.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin: They’re amazing!! Idk if I’m allowed to have them though :/</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur: I got your building manager’s name from Gwen, he agreed with me that it should be fine. If it’s not, I’ll sort it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin: You are so ridiculously arrogant!!! And ridiculously thoughtful, thank you :)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur: Don’t mention it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin: Totally, I won’t. On an unrelated note, how would you feel about a punching bag in your room?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur: Don’t you dare.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin: Fine, I won’t. Do you have any need for a waffle iron in your life?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur: Get off Amazon, I mean it. Your book situation was ridiculous, so I sorted it, I don’t want you wasting your money on something I’m perfectly capable of getting myself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin: Gotcha, ok, no problem, message received.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur: Stay away from the waffle iron.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin: I will!!</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur: Promise you won’t get me anything.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin: I will make no such promises :)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur: I’ve never been so concerned by a smiley face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin: :) :) :) :)</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur and Morgana spent the majority of the Christmas break skiing in France with Leon and his family. Uther came down to spend three very uncomfortable days with them to cover the Christmas period before he flew back to England.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He cornered Arthur early on and drilled slowly into every assignment, lecture series and seminar group from the past term. He brought up Arthur’s membership of the MMA group with a sneer, but his only comment had been “if you feel that you have time like that to waste you must be feeling <em>very</em> confident in your studies”. Honestly, it was better than Arthur could have hoped for.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Morgana had played her usual game of answering Uther’s every question with the exact opposite of what he wanted to hear, until he didn’t know what was true and what wasn’t, but he did know that he was fuming with rage. She was satisfied.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur remembered when Morgana had been as desperate as him for Uther’s approval, shrinking under every snub and disapproving look. She had nervously worried her lip when handing him report cards, wilted with shame at parent-teacher meetings and shoved any and everyone out of her way just to try to brush the unreachable standards. At some point though, about when Arthur was sixteen, she had changed. Arthur thought that it had something to do with their father being so focused on berating Arthur for his A in GCSE History that he had snapped “well what do you expect me to say about that?” when Morgana presented him with her acceptance to Camelot.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Something had broken in Morgana that day, something Uther had bent beyond recognition. Whatever it was, Arthur was left with Uther’s focus bearing down on him even more squarely than when Morgana had actually been trying to share it. It was draining.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Uther did eventually leave though and the holiday actually became quite enjoyable. Leon’s parents were kind and had known Morgana and Arthur most of their lives. The five of them would spend hours on the mountains, finishing their days in the warmth of the rented chalet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur found himself texting Merlin most days, usually with a video from the slope, or an unattractive photo of Morgana sleeping, or a selfie to show off his skier’s tan. Merlin would come back with photos of the wet Welsh weather, lush sweeping hillsides and a kindly looking woman. The woman always seemed to be laughing, usually at Merlin. He only received one picture of Merlin himself. It was a selfie from the top of a hill, green countryside dropping off in the distance into a grey ocean. Merlin was pink-cheeked and bright-eyed, grinning like a maniac.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur found himself looking at that photo again, later that evening, the warm feeling in his chest less to do with the roaring fire than it should have been.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>Arthur arrived back in Camelot a few days before term started. He had no exams in January and no coursework due for two weeks yet, but he still felt that he was behind, guilt over the weeks he had lost skiing weighing on his mind. However, the solitary bubble of tension he was building was burst after only three days.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He had his head down, checking his phone on his way into the library and bumped into something solid and warm, knocking it to the ground. To his surprise and immediate satisfaction, he found Merlin grimacing up at him, Morgana standing at his side unruffled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It turned out, Morgana explained proudly, Merlin dusting himself and muttering unflattering things about Arthur, that the English student had had to come back early to meet with Gaius because one of his short stories was up for an award, a highly prestigious award.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“<em>Mer</em>lin,” Arthur cuffed him “were you ever going to mention this?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s not a big deal,” he rubbed the back of his head “Gaius just put my story up on the off chance, it was just luck.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Morgana was not going to accept that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s rubbish, it’s an international award with a cash prize, any undergrad would kill a family member to get something like that, let alone in their first year!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur shook his head, the familiar feeling washing over him that he could do nothing but study Merlin for the rest of his life and still not completely understand him. He had known Merlin was smart, it was obvious no matter how he tried to hide it, but Arthur hadn’t realised he was some kind of literary genius. But, of course he was, because nothing about Merlin was simple.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin eventually managed to persuade the siblings to drop it and the three of them headed to a café for a celebratory coffee. Arthur bought Merlin a gingerbread man, because he was an actual child, and they wiled away half an hour amicably until Morgana had to go for a meeting with Gaius. After they had waved her off, Merlin turned to Arthur with a tense expression, gnawing his lip nervously. Arthur considered letting him work his way up to saying whatever he was planning to in his own time, but remembered that he did actually have things to do this week.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What is it? You look constipated.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin flushed, but didn’t glare as Arthur had been expecting.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I was actually going to come see you today.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What a treat.” Arthur’s tone was dry but he had to stamp on the flutter in his belly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Um…I have your Christmas present.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur’s shoulders loosened.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Honestly, <em>Mer</em>lin, is that all? I told you not to get me anything.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, I did, so deal with it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur couldn’t help his grin or the thrill of anticipation he felt as Merlin pulled something out of the pocket of the coat he had draped over his chair.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I didn’t wrap it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Was all he said when he held out his hand to Arthur. In his open palm was a metal disk, dull with age and decorated with a little bird in flight.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What is it?” Arthur took it up carefully, fingers brushing Merlin’s. It was heavier than he expected and warm, as if some of Merlin’s body heat had come with it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s a…well, I think it’s a sigil of some sort. I don’t know how old it is, but I was told it probably belonged to some medieval household.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How…” Arthur could not have been more stunned “how do you even have something like this?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin’s gaze skated away, the colour still high on his cheekbones.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“My…my friend’s dad used to take us on trips. We’d go places where you could find things, fossil sites and the like. I found that on an old battlefield.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur gazed down at the little object, running his finger over worn metal that still held the hint of a pattern.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I can’t accept this.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin’s face fell.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, yeah. That’s ok, most people would find it pretty lame.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, idiot, I mean that it’s too precious. You can’t just give something like this away.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin twisted his fingers together, his knee bouncing incessantly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not about to sell it or anything, and it’s not doing any good sitting in my room. Besides…” his eyelashes brushed his cheeks “I want you to have it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur stared at this ridiculous man, with his arms and his eyes and his lips.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Fuck. Triple, quadruple fuck.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Merlin, I…don’t know what to say.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You could try ‘thank you’, assuming you won’t have an allergic reaction.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur rolled his eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fine, yes. Thank you. I…it’s great.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin nodded once, his face red and his eyes bright enough that Arthur had to look away. Merlin started a slightly forced, rambling story about a goat getting into the village shop and Arthur was careful to nod and laugh at all the right points. He kept the sigil in his hand though, feeling the weight of it, his thumb brushing gently over the little bird.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Of course, Arthur’s life only got harder after that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He had been doing a pretty good job about keeping everything <em>Merlin</em> in a neat little box in his head where it wouldn’t bother anyone. All the dreams (unconscious and conscious) that he would never admit to, all the little looks and touches that he had stored away, all the want he could never let into the light of day. But Merlin had never been one to stay in a box just because you put him there. No, he was the kind who wriggled out before you even noticed, running rampant and pushing his way through until it was like he took up all the space there was.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was an incident involving a pair of jeans that had definitely worsened the situation.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur hadn’t been bouldering again since his first time, feeling that doing so would just be asking for trouble. Merlin had messaged him that morning though, calling Arthur a “boring old shut in” and complaining that Arthur had hardly looked up from his textbook all week. It was a fair point, so Arthur had agreed to meet him and Freya at the Rox.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur realised he had made a mistake about thirty seconds after coming through the door. He was glancing around, picking up his rented climbing shoes from the front desk and making his way deeper into the building, when he saw him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin was on a wall, the lines of his forearms standing out as he pulled himself smoothly upwards, the only sign of strain a slight tremor in his back muscles. Arthur could see his back muscles. Arthur could see his back muscles because Merlin was wearing climbing shoes, his jeans and nothing else.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur whimpered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin’s jeans had never seemed particularly tight, but now they were snug to every curve as Merlin adjusted his footing, his knee rising to the same height as his ear. Muscles bunched and rolled under skin, shoulder blades became prominent before fading back and the smooth line of spine arched. It was so much worse than Arthur could have imagined.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>By the time Merlin was on the ground and turning to him, Arthur had managed to settle himself into a carefully casual sprawl. He didn’t stand as Merlin approached, just lifted a hand in greeting. Merlin flopped down next to him and shot Arthur a bemused look.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are you actually going to climb anything or are you posing for some kind of photo shoot?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur wanted to point out what a stupidly unfair comment that was now that Merlin was right there, sitting with his body twisted towards Arthur in a way seemingly designed to bring his collarbones into full definition, his stomach taught and smooth. An image flashed through his head of him and Merlin rolling together across the uninterrupted mats on the floor and covering each other in chalky handprints.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ve got a bit of a headache, actually. I might take it easy today.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin pouted sympathetically and reached out, as Arthur should have guessed he would, his hand coming to rest in that familiar-but-exhilarating way on the back of his neck. He dug his fingers in and Arthur could have sworn his dick tried to snap itself in half out of pure frustration.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I said you were working too hard. It’s all that thinking, you’re not built for it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was very confusing to be insulted while you were trying to focus on not coming in your pants.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Shut up.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I mean it, I can practically see your brain leaking out your ears.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin’s fingers shifted upwards, scraping lightly against his scalp through the short hairs at the back of his head. A tingling cascade went from that spot all the way down Arthur’s spine before bouncing back and prickling all through his hair in a heady rush. Arthur let out a sigh that was really more of a groan and the fingers froze.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey, Arthur!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur blinked open his eyes, not sure when he had closed them, and found Freya smiling down at him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Long time no see. What’s up? You look like you’re having a stroke.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>How there was any blood left to blush with considering what was happening in his shorts, Arthur had no idea.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He’s got a headache.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin’s voice sounded oddly strangled beside him, but Arthur didn’t dare look over.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s a shame, do you want some water?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur shook his head mutely before pulling himself together enough to ask about Freya’s break. It had been good, apparently, though Arthur struggled to remember the details even a minute after she had stopped talking.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The session did not improve much after that. As Merlin got on more difficult routes a thin film of sweat rose to cover his skin, making damp curls stick to his forehead and a pink flush climb his cheeks. Arthur couldn’t look away. The only mercy was that Merlin seemed to be just as fixated on not looking at him, which might have bothered Arthur if he had had the capacity. Freya had given Arthur a pitying look after he had failed her in another conversation and had turned to swing herself athletically up a wall.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin had returned that moment with a smear of chalk across his cheek and Arthur pinched his own thigh. Hard.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good climb?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur asked later, once Merlin was safely covered by a shirt and hoodie.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Could have been better. I hate having to climb in jeans, but I forgot my kit back in the flat.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Because my life is a fucking joke.</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>“That’s a shame.”</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>The door of the pub opened in a rush of warmth and light as Arthur pushed his way in. The Rising Sun was less cramped without the troop of shitfaced law students, but a pleasant hum of chatter still filled the space. A voice called his name and he found Elena eagerly gesturing from a table. Everyone else seemed to have arrived already, the whole gang excluding Gwaine and Merlin, who were working, and Gwen and Lance, who were on a date. Arthur slid into a chair across from Leon, who propelled a full pint glass over to him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Cheers.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Leon nodded before turning his attention back to Mithian, who seemed to have launched into a rant about the riding team. Elena was chipping in eagerly, having followed Mithian into the team like a child trailing after its parent. Percy was nodding along sagely while Elyan was looking over Leon’s shoulder to check out the football. Morgana was tapping away at her phone, red lips curved in a way that said what she was doing was not something anyone related to her would want to know about.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His gaze strayed further.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At the bar, Gwaine was smirking at a mass of giggling girls while making a cocktail in a decidedly showy, inefficient way. Merlin was speaking to someone facing away from Arthur and frowning.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Merlin.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur stood and announced that he was getting the next round in, ignoring Leon’s confused look to his untouched glass. He pushed his way through the milling bodies to the bar, moseyed up to the person Merlin was talking to so seriously. It took Arthur a moment before he recognised the flushed face of Mordred, Merlin’s weird little flatmate. The boy was gripping the bar as if it was the only thing holding him up and his eyes were fixed glassily on Merlin.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Just let me buy you a drink,” he was saying, leaning forward as far as he could.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I told you, I’m working.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin’s voice was patient but firm, his attention on the glass he was cleaning.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What about later? Or tomorrow? It’s just a drink.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, Mordred. It wouldn’t be fair on you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why?” Mordred’s voice had become almost childish, his eyes wide and imploring.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Trust me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Leave it, mate.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur put a hand on Mordred’s shoulder and gripped a bit harder than he had to. Mordred’s head snapped around and he glared at Arthur with such ferocity that he nearly took a step back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This is none of your business, <em>Pendragon</em>” Mordred spat.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He said he didn’t want to go for a drink,” Arthur’s tone was implacable “I think it’s time you went home.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>For a second Arthur genuinely thought the runt was going to try to hit him, but he didn’t. Instead he turned back to Merlin said clearly, pointedly “see you at home” and stormed off with a parting dirty look for Arthur. Arthur glowered after him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Creep.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You didn’t have to do that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur refocused on Merlin, who was wiping down the same glass with minute focus.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He was being too pushy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He’s just a kid, he was drunk.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s no excuse.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin shrugged. His shoulders were tense and his eyes had a sightless quality to them, his mind a nowhere near the pub. He went to turn away and Arthur spoke quickly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Take your break now. I’ll buy you cheesy chips from that place across the street.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He could only see Merlin’s profile, but Arthur could see the way his brow furrowed, as if processing his words one by one. Arthur was sure he was going to shake off the suggestion, but to his surprise Merlin turned and waved his arm until Gwaine looked over. He held up five fingers and Gwaine nodded, making a shooing motion.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin rounded the bar and fell in step with Arthur as he made his was towards the exit, his pace determined more by the press of Arthur’s shoulder than any conscious thought. He perked up a bit once they were outside, even eyeing the two Styrofoam containers Arthur retrieved from the kebab shop with interest. Arthur handed one to him and watched in disgust as Merlin immediately shoved three chips into his mouth, the heat escaping in a visible vapour and the cheese still solid and plastic looking. It only served him right when he burnt his mouth.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur let him get another handful down before speaking.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why did Mordred asking you out bother you so much?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin chewed slowly, watching a group of lads raucously make their way down the other side of the street.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I feel bad for him. He doesn’t have many friends and he’s pretty shy. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You said that it wouldn’t be fair on him.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin’s jaw clenched.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I just meant that it’s not a good idea to mess around with someone you live with.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s not what you meant.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin turned to him with a scowl.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What are you, my fucking therapist?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Merlin!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Give it a rest.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, you’re being ridiculous.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s none of your business.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fuck that,” Arthur snapped, “what’s going on?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s nothing!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s not.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin’s eyes blazed blue and Arthur knew he was about to storm off. He took a breath and grabbed hold of his temper, forcing himself to soften.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Come on. Just tell me,” he ducked his head encouragingly, his fringe falling slightly into his eyes “I’m worried.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The fury drained out of Merlin. It was a low move, but that was the thing about Merlin – if you pushed him he would fight back until he was practically spitting fire, but he had no defence against gentleness. He was too nice a person for his own good.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fine, ok, fine. Whatever, I’ll tell you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin was talking to himself as much as Arthur, kicking the pavement in little jittery movements. Arthur took him by the arm pulled him around the corner, where the street was quieter. He found a bench shadowed by a pine tree and nudged Merlin down onto it, putting their chip containers to one side. Merlin sat silently for so long Arthur thought he was never going to speak, but he did.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s not a big deal and I don’t want you to make a fuss, ok?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ve got it. Stop stalling.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin took a deep breath, choosing his words carefully.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“My…last relationship didn’t end well. It makes it…hard to move on.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What happened?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s complicated. Will – that was his name, Will – and I,” Merlin struggled for a moment “we grew up together. He was my best friend for years. My dad wasn’t around and I would go with Will and his dad everywhere I could. Will’s dad took us fossil hunting and taught us how to climb and cave. After my mum, they were the best bit of my childhood.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ealdor isn’t…the most open minded of places. I didn’t fit in with most people and I had a pretty hard time at school. Will always stuck by me; he used to get into fights all the time when kids said shit, he even got suspended once. Will’s dad heard what happened and didn’t say anything, he just took us to the beach and bought us the biggest ice creams he could find.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He sounds like a good man.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He was.” Merlin blinked furiously “he died. Five years ago. A drunk driver.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur felt those soft words settle between them like ash after a fire.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It sucked. Will was in a bad place for a long time, just really angry. I mean, I was angry, but Will was…it wasn’t good. He did some stupid stuff, hung out with some bad people. Eventually he came back to himself though, back to me. Things were almost the same for a while but…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin shook his head, as if still baffled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We got together when we were sixteen. It was like our whole lives we had been able to count on no one but each other and so we just tried to hold on harder. Things were good for a bit, great even. But, it didn’t last. I told Will that I wanted to go to university, to go to Camelot.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin hands clenched white in his lap.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He was furious. I hadn’t seen him that angry since his dad. He said I was trying to abandon him, that I was just like everyone else and that I didn’t give a shit about him. That wasn’t true, obviously, but you can never tell Will anything he doesn’t want to hear.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I…one weekend I came to Camelot for an open day. Will hated it, told me not to go, that if I went I would regret it. I just shook my head. I told him that I loved him and would be back before he knew it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin fell silent. There was that Look that Arthur hated, the one that made it seem like he held all the pain in the world behind his eyes. Arthur had been lulled by the soft rhythm of Merlin’s voice but now he moved, carefully. He shuffled until he could press his shoulder gently against Merlin’s, not sure if the contact would be appreciated.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He let out a breath when Merlin pressed back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Merlin’s voice returned, it was stronger. Determined.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"When I got home I went straight over to Will’s. I wanted to tell him about how great Camelot was, how right for me. I wanted him to be happy for me, to understand that I wasn’t leaving him. I thought we could make it work. But when Will opened the door his eyes were red and his face was puffy and he couldn’t look at me. I knew what had happened before he even opened his mouth.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He had cheated on me. He told me about it, crying the whole time. In that one weekend I had been away Will had managed to find three different people to fuck. They all went to our school; all knew me. I had sat next to one of the girls in History for two years. The guy used to push me into lockers every week until I was fifteen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Will…Will said that they didn’t mean anything, that he had just done it because he was angry and drunk and in pain. He said that he loved me and he just didn’t want me to go, that he needed me not to go.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin shook his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He didn’t get it. I had to go. The only tying me to Ealdor were my mum and him. My mum got it, she was overjoyed when I was accepted to Camelot, she danced around the house in her apron. I couldn’t stay there just for Will; it wasn’t enough. He said that if I really loved him it would be and I said that if he really loved me he wouldn’t have tried so hard to hurt me.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We broke up, obviously. The months after that, before I started in Camelot, were awful. School was unbearable; it was a miracle I still got the grades to get in here. Mum was great, one hundred per cent on my side even though she was like a second mother to Will, but that only made it worse for him. He would call me at night, shitfaced and sobbing. I had to block his number in the end.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It was such a relief when university started, you can’t imagine. I felt like I could breath again, like I was myself.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur felt it against his shoulder when Merlin shrugged.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not though, not quite. Ever since Will…I have a really hard time letting people in. Whenever someone approaches me, I feel like they’re trying to push me out of a plane without a parachute. It makes it hard to start something.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur could have locked himself in his room for the rest of the week and still wouldn’t have been able to sort though everything he was feeling in that moment. It <em>hurt</em>, it hurt so much to see Merlin in this much pain, to think of the miseries that had heaped onto one another in his life. Merlin, who never asked anyone to be anything but good had been beaten down and left to carry the scars.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur slipped his hand into Merlin’s, squeezing tightly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I can’t express how sorry I am that you had to go through all that. It’s awful and unfair and I want to wring this Will guy’s neck for what he did to you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin let out a snuffling breath that wasn’t quite a snort.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But…you shouldn’t stop trusting people because of one small-minded idiot, or even a whole village full of small-minded idiots.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know. I’ve tried not to. I threw myself into meeting as many new people as I could here and I’ve found ones I can trust– Gwaine, Gwen, Lance and the others,” a pause “you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Something so warm and so painful filled Arthur’s chest at that. He wanted to tell Merlin not to trust him, because Arthur thought about him all the time and wanted him and would ruin Merlin’s life if he let him in. He didn’t say that. Instead, he gripped Merlin’s hand impossibly tight and waited in the dark. Finally, Merlin got to his feet. Arthur followed him, scooping up their forgotten chips and pretending not to notice when Merlin’s hand quickly dashed against his eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They slowly made their way back, Merlin breaking the silence by commenting that Gwaine was probably going to kill him and Arthur agreeing that of course he would, because Merlin was a terrible bartender. Arthur opened his chip box and was pleased to find that they were still a little warm, the cheese melted beautifully over the top. Merlin stared at them enviously and Arthur had rolled his eyes and offered him one. He had laughed when the cheese dropped off his chip and to the ground.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>By the time he was back at the table and Merlin back behind the bar, Percy had generously adopted his pint and Gwaine had one of the girls from before sucking salt off his wrist. Arthur laughed when Elena called him a cheap skate for flaking on his round and had thrown a coaster at Morgana when she asked why he had been away for so long.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His mind didn’t stop though, didn’t forget Merlin’s low, mournful voice. The birds had started singing outside his window by the time he finally managed to find escape in sleep.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>The third week of February offered the first hint that winter had an end to it, the sun shining white through stubborn clouds, trapping enough warmth that Arthur was able to drag everyone into a game of football. Gwaine had bitched the whole walk there, citing his freezing knees and bitten red nose, but had come nonetheless.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur was pleasantly surprised to see Merlin leaning against a tree, chatting to Leon and Percy. He was bundled up entirely unnecessarily in his brown coat and red scarf, gloved hands waving enthusiastically as he mimed something undoubtedly stupid.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good thing I brought my shin pads.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur glanced over at Gwaine, questioning.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If Merls is here I need the extra layer of protection.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He winked at Arthur.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What are you talking about?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gwaine shook his head in censure.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Please, Princess, you play like a prick when Merlin watches us.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s nonsense.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So you are planning on letting someone else have the ball?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur gritted his teeth “if you want the ball, fucking run for it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur did let Gwaine score a goal and he would have denied with his dying breath that it had been to prove a point.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When they stopped for water Arthur jogged over to where Merlin was sitting against his tree, notebook open in his lap. He threw himself down with a grunt.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What are you doing?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin glanced up from his furious scribbling.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Writing.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Top marks, <em>Mer</em>lin, writing what?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Just some ideas.” Merlin looked back at the paper.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“For?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Stories.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur looked at him in surprise.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“For an assignment?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, just for me. Well, maybe for Gaius if I think they’re any good.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Can I read one?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not a chance.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s not fair,” Arthur practically whined.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Tough shit.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What about the one you got the prize for? You have to be ok with people reading that one.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“People, yes. You, no.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why?” Arthur shot him a hurt look.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No. No pouting,” Merlin waved his pen at him “that’s not playing fair.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not pouting.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You are and you’re better than that. Well, you’re not, but it’s still not going to work.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur was perfectly prepared to pout more but Leon shouted to summon him back to the pitch.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This isn’t over.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, it is. Go on, away with you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He shoved the flat of his foot against Arthur’s back. Arthur leant back and let Merlin jostle him, his head lolling so he could view him upside down. Merlin laughed, pink-cheeked, and his knee brushed Arthur’s hair.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Go on, get your ball. Fetch!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur growled at him, only partially for effect, before using the momentum from Merlin’s kick to get to his feet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good boy!” Merlin crowed after him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur looked studiously forward as he ran to his position. He did not let Gwaine score another goal.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Morgana burst into Arthur’s room without preamble.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I need to talk to you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How the fuck did you get in here?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not about that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“There’s a key code.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You need to focus.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And two locked doors.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She snapped her fingers at him. “It’s about Merlin.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur sat up on his bed, his laptop slipping to the side.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What about him?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are you really going to play innocent? Do you not remember what happened today?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur considered feigning ignorance, knowing it was a guaranteed way to piss Morgana off.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Earlier?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t you dare” Morgana waved a finger at Arthur, her green eyes flashing dangerously “you fucking decked some random guy and I know you did.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He wasn’t random.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fine, not random. What happened? Explain.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur didn’t think there was much to explain. He had been taking a short cut around the back of the Chemistry building on the way to the library, Leon at his side. A voice had called his name and when Arthur turned around, he had the distinct displeasure of recognising Cenred, flanked by two other students. Arthur had spun on his heel, very much not in the mood to give Cenred the time of day, but the group had already caught up with them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What’s the rush, Pendragon? You were so pleased to see me before.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cenred’s voice was like venom dripping from a snake’s fang.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What can I say? It was a pleasure best enjoyed once.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur did not hide the hostility in his voice. Cenred sneered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It certainly was a pleasure, <em>Pendragon</em>, watching you suck on my cock. It was the prettiest sight I had seen in years.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cenred’s lackeys laughed and Leon tensed, but Arthur wasn’t about to give the prick the satisfaction.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ve seen better,” Arthur replied evenly and turned away, signalling to Leon that they were done.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, I bet you have.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Something in Cenred’s tone made Arthur pause.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I have to say, I was a bit insulted that you had your next acquisition already waiting outside the door, but I can’t blame you. He has that <em>mouth</em>. His lips are made for fucking, aren’t they? If it were up to me, Merlin’s mouth would always be full-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur remembered what Geraint had said about twisting your hips into your punch. He decided that it was a solid tip, as he watched Cenred fall to the ground, his nose spurting blood.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Cenred howled, clutching at his face and letting out a string of curse words that would make a sailor faint. His friends watched him gormlessly, clearly in utter shock, neither bothering to try to help him up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur crouched down and waited for Cenred to stop yelling long enough to look up at him, his teeth stained pink with blood. Arthur spoke softly, just for his ears.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If I ever hear you say Merlin’s name again, you’re going to wish I had bitten your dick off the first time we met.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He stared Cenred down until the other man looked away, fury in every line of his body. It was only then that Arthur had let Leon drag him away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Honestly, Arthur considered it a decent morning’s work, as he pointed out to Morgana.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are you insane? What if Uther hears about this? What if Cenred reports you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Cenred won’t report me,” Arthur waved a dismissive hand “he’s too proud. He’ll probably murder anyone who even mentions it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And Uther?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not going to tell him. Are you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Obviously not,” Morgana rolled her eyes “but you know he tends to find these things out.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur shrugged. He was feeling remarkably cheerful and was finding it supremely difficult to care about what Uther did and did not know. Morgana threw her hands up in frustration and started pacing Arthur’s room, prowling like a big cat. Arthur watched her curiously; it was unusual for Morgana to lose her cool. Finally, she paused, a mask of resolution forming on her face. She dragged over Arthur’s desk chair and sat down, facing him, fixing him with an inscrutable look.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Arthur, do you understand why you did that?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur tilted his chin, confused.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why I punched Cenred? Yes, I just explained that to you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, I mean <em>why</em> what Cenred said got to you so much.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Because he’s an asshole.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No.” Morgana’s voice was firm and with a spike of dread Arthur suddenly knew what she was going to say.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, Arthur. You did it because you’re in love with Merlin.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur let his head thump back against the wall, eyes following a crack in the ceiling. It was bizarre to have those words hanging in the air, as if it was a thing that was out there and free, rather than locked inside Arthur’s head. He had never felt the need to put it into so many words, the whole thing massive and unmanageable enough without naming it. But, there it was.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Right. That.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, <em>that</em>” Morgana was insistent “I know you don’t know it Arthur-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She paused.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur didn’t think he had ever heard Morgana sound more thrown and lifted his head to enjoy the sight.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, I know.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t mean like a friend, Arthur.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I mean that you want to feed him grapes and brush his hair and make babies with him.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I wish you hadn’t put it like that, but yes. I do.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur found no relief in the words. Saying them out loud didn’t change anything.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But…” Morgana fell back against the seat, her forehead creased as if she was having to rerun all her calculations “you’ve never said anything.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I try not to say things to you, you just tend to find things out.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Morgana was shaking her head slowly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t understand. If you love Merlin and you <em>know</em> you love Merlin, why aren’t you <em>with</em> Merlin?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>As if that is how anything works.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s complicated.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Bullshit.” Morgana snapped.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It is.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Explain it to me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Morgana’s eyes bored into Arthur’s.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is this to do with your stupid commitment issues?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur looked away.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sort of.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Arthur, that is ridiculous. This is Merlin we’re talking about.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Exactly,” Arthur’s voice was sharp “it’s <em>Merlin</em>, Morgana. I can’t.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Morgana sat forward, contemplating Arthur narrowly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why can’t you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur closed his eyes for a moment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Because I can’t lose him, Morgana. I wouldn’t be able to stand it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Who’s to say that you have to lose him?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur just shook his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re an idiot if you don’t think that Merlin wants you too.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t think…never mind, it doesn’t matter. It wouldn’t change anything.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why on Earth not?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Because I’m no good for him” Arthur spat, more viciously than he had intended. Morgana’s lip curled in disbelief.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This is a fine time for you to have a crisis of self-esteem.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not, it’s true. Merlin is…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Everything. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur took a breath.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I won’t risk hurting him, not for anything. He’s too important for that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Morgana’s voice was almost gentle.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why are you so sure you’re going to hurt him? What’s this about?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur could have told her about everything, about Valiant and what Arthur had done to him, about the pain he had left in his wake. He could have told her about Merlin, and how fragile he was deep down. How Arthur was a runaway train and Merlin a helpless car across the tracks. He didn’t though. She would be on his side, trying to make him feel better and reassure him. Arthur didn’t want that. He needed the guilt – it kept him in check.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Morgana let the silence stretch until she couldn’t contain herself anymore.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know what, Arthur? Fine. Enjoy this Romeo and Juliet, doomed love fairy tale you have concocted for yourself, but I think it’s bullshit.” Morgana stood, brushing down her skirt.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But I want you to think about this: you might think letting Merlin in will hurt him, but keeping him at arm’s distance is probably going hurt him even more.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With that, Morgana left in a swirl of raven hair. She did always have a sense for the dramatic.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>Arthur collapsed with a groan, the chair creaking in complaint. Merlin glanced over as his head slumped with an audible thud onto the desk.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What’s your problem?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur just grumbled, shaking his head without lifting it up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Drama queen.” Arthur heard the rustle of paper as he turned a page of his notebook.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He reached out blindly until he hit Merlin’s elbow and groped his way down until he had his wrist. He dragged it up, pressing Merlin’s hand against the back of his neck and letting go. Merlin snorted, his fingers moving as if it was a reflex, his other hand flicking over the next page.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur let out a long breath as Merlin massaged the base of his skull, the feverish whirling of his mind finally seeming to settle, at least a bit. It felt like he had been in the centre of a whirlwind for days, ever since Morgana had stormed out of his room. Her words had circled around his head until he was nearly dizzy with it, coming to him in the middle of lectures and halfway through conversations.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He knew he had been waspish and unpleasant to the others, snarling at Percy for letting a goal in, glowering at Mithian for trying to borrow his charger, even snapping at Gwen when a drop of her coffee landed on his notes. He wasn’t speaking to Morgana and he knew everyone had noticed; she wasn’t exactly subtle. She would see Arthur coming, hardly bother coming up with an excuse, and stalk away. So really, then, it was more that she wasn’t talking to him. Good riddance.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I haven’t seen you in a few days.” Merlin’s voice was casual.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Too casual?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He had been dodging Merlin a bit; he hoped not enough for anyone to notice. It was unsurprisingly difficult to do, given the way Merlin pervaded his life and how weak Arthur was around him. He needed to get his head on straight, to close the Pandora’s box Morgana kicked open and settle his resolve while he still could. It wasn’t easy though, it was driving him up the wall in fact, and in the end the only thing that brought any relief was being around Merlin. Everything seemed more out of balance the longer he went without seeing him, listing to one side like a trolley with a broken wheel.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Now, as Merlin soothed the almost painful tension in his muscles, Arthur wondered why he ever thought he could manage to get away from him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Are you going to tell me what’s been up with you this week?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur didn’t reply.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is it that assignment Gwen was talking about?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur hesitated but ended up nodding.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, Arthur,” Merlin tutted, thumb pressing in a long line “you get yourself so wound up about these things. You know you’ll be great, but you have to make yourself miserable in the mean time. Do you want me to read over anything?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur grunted a negative. There wasn’t anything for Merlin to read anyway, he had got halfway through and given up when he realised that his last sentence had just been “fuck, fuck, fuck, shit, shit, shit, buggar”. It was a good thing he still had two weeks until it was due, he wasn’t sure what Professor Bayard would have made of that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin was quiet for a moment, his pen scratching as he scribbled something down while his hand melted Arthur’s troubles. Arthur wondered how he could do that, could make him feel so much better without even concentrating. Eventually, Merlin sat back with a sigh, his hand sliding from Arthur and back to his side. Arthur rolled his head to face him, his cheek pressed against the cold surface of the table, peering up at Merlin.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What am I going to do with you?” A little pleased thrill went through Arthur at the fondness in those words.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I think you need some stress relief,” Merlin decided “I’m going with Freya to this house party the climbing club is throwing, do you want to come?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur should have said no. He should have screwed up his self-control and gone back to his room and reminded himself that <em>Merlin wasn’t his</em>. But…but Arthur was feeling less shit than he had in days and he was tired of bullying himself away from Merlin. If he didn’t go out somewhere with him he would probably just end up inviting him over anyway, and Arthur knew he couldn’t be trusted alone in a room with him. This was the safest option.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What time?”</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>The climbing club, it turned out, had their own take on house parties. Instead of the standard fare of drinking games like beer pong and flip cup, they had decided that a much more <em>physical</em> approach to getting rat arsed was necessary. The first thing Arthur saw when he entered the thin terraced house was a line of four or five people, facing forward. A girl was clambering along them without touching the ground, as if she were scrambling along the boughs of a tree, moving from one person’s back to their front and then reaching for the next. A circle of partygoers cheered her on, laughing when a slight boy in the line nearly buckled when she put an arm over his shoulder.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When she got to her final ‘branch’, a skinny lad with glasses, she wrapped around his back like a baby bear and the boy fell into a stumbling run around to the back of the line. He deposited the girl on the ground and immediately hopped onto the next person in the queue, a strong-looking girl with cropped hair, and started his own traverse.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The crowd whooped like they were watching the premier league final and the guy made rapid progress, moving his upper body to the next person along and then his lower. The only hitch came when he put his weight on the boy from before and the guy crumpled under his weight. They fell in a sprawling heap to the ground and the whole room groaned in disappointment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A man with dark hair and a long chin that Merlin had pointed out as Gilli, the president of the group, held a decisive hand aloft.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Helen’s team loses!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The two on the floor scrambled to their feet and each were thrown a can of beer. The rest of their team were similarly equipped and the room cheered again as the five of them did their best to down their drinks.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur turned to Merlin with a bewildered expression, but only got a worrying grin in return.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The other activities weren’t much better. Arthur watched as two girls did their best to wriggle a small hula-hoop over their heads while balancing together on an overturned box, clinging at one another and laughing the whole time. Arthur had nearly shaken his head off when Merlin asked if he wanted to try it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Instead, Merlin and Freya had joined a circle of people gathered around a cereal box. The group each took their turn picking the box up in their mouths before tearing a strip off, literally falling out of the game one by one as the target got closer to the floor.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur sucked in a breath when Merlin crouched over his own foot, his mouth nearly touching the ground and his knee improbably high over his head. In the end though, Freya was victorious. Merlin was still Merlin and managed to over-balance and smack his head into the ground, while Freya, with the unattainable poise of a dancer, came up grinning with the final scrap of cardboard between her teeth.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Despite the circus tricks and absurd shenanigans, Arthur found that he was enjoying himself. It wasn’t a big party, but it was warm and filled with chatter and soft indie music. It was actually nice to meet some new people; Gilli was a laugh, people were friendly and Arthur ended up falling into an in depth conversation with a woman about the French Alps.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He drank steadily and was pleasantly buzzed by the time Freya darted over to grab his arm. Arthur smiled down at her unguardedly. He liked Freya; he really didn’t get to see enough of her. She should hang out with their group sometime – the others would love her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We need another body for a game.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He barely had time to place his beer on the nearest surface before he was tugged across the room, to where Gilli and Merlin were stood. Merlin was looking particularly good that night, his jeans dark and slightly ripped, his shirt tighter than usual and his hair a touchable mess. He blinked at the sight of Arthur.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Freya, you have to be kidding, there’s no way I can carry his fat arse.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur scowled, punching his shoulder. Freya interrupted before things could escalate.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’ll climb on him, Merlin, obviously.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin coloured fetchingly for some reason.</p>
<p>“Has he agreed to this?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Have I agreed to what?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur turned to Freya, who patted him on the arm merrily.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’ll see. You basically just need to stand there, Merlin will do all the work.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur was sure he heard Merlin mutter “as usual” but ignored him. A circle of onlookers was gathering, grinning like they knew what was going on. Arthur found himself facing Merlin, Freya and Gilli aligning themselves similarly to their right.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin was looking at him, his face flushed by booze and something else, his eyes daring. He considered Arthur, openly scanning him head to foot and raising an eyebrow. He inclined his chin in a way that was a clear challenge and put his hands on Arthur’s shoulders.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’d better not drop me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur finally got some inkling of what was going to happen and opened his mouth to object. Something that was definitely not his brain intercepted though. Merlin’s impish smirk did something to him, sent all logical thought skittering out one ear not to return. He shot Merlin a wolfish smile that surprised them both and crouched down a bit, adjusting his centre of gravity.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Edwin, you count us in!” Gilli called to a PhD-aged man in the crowd.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Three, two, one, go!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin didn’t hesitate to jump onto Arthur, landing with his shins against Arthur’s thighs and sliding his arms around his neck. Arthur barely had time to appreciate him there, his hands on Merlin’s waist, before he was moving, placing a foot flat against Arthur’s leg and pushing up, slithering over his shoulder. Arthur adjusted his grip quickly, going from Merlin’s hips to the back of his legs as Merlin wriggled his way forward.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur twisted an arm behind his back to grab at him, groping for purchase. He could feel Merlin’s chest, upside down against his back, and then there was a sensation that could only be described as Merlin’s face against his ass.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Cheek to cheek. </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Then long, strong arms emerged from between Arthur’s legs, one securing itself against his thigh and the other scrabbling for Arthur’s hip. Arthur reached down and hooked an arm under Merlin’s armpit, his other hand sliding over Merlin’s arse and along the muscles of his leg. There was a moment of fumbling panic as Merlin pulled himself through and Arthur was sure they were both going to tumble to the ground, but they didn’t.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Then everything seemed to go still.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Suddenly, Merlin was in his arms, legs wrapped securely around Arthur’s hips and warm breaths puffing against his face. Arthur couldn’t look away, eyes and cheekbones and lips were too close, tugging at him with the constancy of gravity.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As he watched, a pink tongue darted out and traced along Merlin’s bottom lip. Arthur’s gaze darted up to find blue eyes staring back into his. Slowly, almost deliberately, they traced a path down until they latched on Arthur’s mouth.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Oh.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur was snapped back into time by a hand slapping against his shoulder.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nice one, you two!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Back in reality the climbing club members were shouting boisterously, some congratulating Arthur and Merlin and most laughing at Freya and Gilli, who seemed to have got stuck with Freya upside down on Gilli’s back. As he watched, Freya let out a shriek and slipped out Gilli’s grasp, sliding gracelessly to the floor.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thanks for not dropping me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin’s voice was low and warm, brushing against Arthur’s ear. Arthur realised that he was still holding Merlin tightly to him, one arm under his thighs and the other across his back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No problem.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He let Merlin’s feet return to Earth, Arthur’s hands skimming up his waist as if helping him keep his balance. He should have stepped away. He should have made an awkward excuse and scurried off to the bathroom to hide until his blood pressure returned to normal and arousal was less manifest. Somehow, he couldn’t do it though. It felt wrong to stop touching Merlin in that moment, like a betrayal. He left his hand warm and sure against the small of Merlin’s back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin seemed to feel the same reluctance, skating a hand along Arthur’s shoulder and down until long fingers wrapped around Arthur’s upper arm, squeezing gently. He was looking at Arthur, searching, and Arthur didn’t dare look away. He saw the moment Merlin made a decision.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He stepped back slowly, eyes still on Arthur, hand drifting downwards until it reached Arthur’s and holding it. Merlin turned then, pulling Arthur after him and through a door. No one paid them any mind. They were in a dark hallway and Merlin kept moving, Arthur helpless in his wake. He pushed open one door, discovered that it was a bathroom and kept going. He stopped when they found an unlit bedroom and gently closed the door. He dropped Arthur’s hand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur’s pulse was racing, his body pumping adrenaline into his bloodstream as if preparing him for a fight. Only the orangey light from the street gave Arthur any hint of Merlin’s expression and he didn’t understand what he saw there. Then he wasn’t seeing anything because Merlin’s face was in shadow and his hands were on Arthur’s chest and he was being walked back, back until there was a wall behind him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A stuttering gasp against his lips was Arthur’s only warning before Merlin’s mouth was there, soft and insistent. It was impossibly gentle and infinitely light, like a question doomed for rejection. Arthur was frozen, entirely stuck in that moment. After a few seconds Merlin leant away, the outline of his head cocking uncertainly. He let out a breath and shook his head slowly, resignedly. Fingers caressed the hair on Arthur’s forehead like a goodbye.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ok.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That sound, that little choked ‘ok’, broke Arthur. He grabbed Merlin’s wrist as he tried to turn away and hauled him back to him, pressing their bodies as close together as he could. He lunged forward, bumping his forehead against Merlin’s, but found the other’s mouth and kissed. Arthur poured everything he could into that kiss, unable and unwilling to hold back anymore. His hands came up to bracket Merlin’s face, running over cheeks, pushing back into soft hair. He spun them around and shoved Merlin into the wall, feeling the warm solidness all along his front.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin made a sound in his throat and responded, his hands dragging around to Arthur’s back, as if he was trying to pull them into one body. It was demanding and urgent and more than anything Arthur could handle. His mouth was open and Merlin’s tongue was there, slick and wicked. His chin pushed against Merlin’s and Merlin pushed back, his jaw working as teeth bit down on Arthur’s bottom lip.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur didn’t know how long they were like that, locked together, plundering each other as if war was being waged, but the sound of a slammed door and raucous laughter brought him back to the present with reluctant clarity. He was kissing Merlin. He was kissing Merlin in a stranger’s bedroom in the middle of the night.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He pulled away slowly, pressing back with two and then three lingering kisses before he managed to create enough distance to blink his eyes open and look at Merlin. The sight almost made him lose his head again, all red lips and unfocused eyes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Arthur?” Merlin’s voice was hoarse and Arthur did have to dart in another kiss for that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He wasn’t drunk enough for this and neither was Merlin. It would be so difficult to laugh off later, to pretend that this had all been an accident. They had to stop now, before there was no going back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We have to…we shouldn’t…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Let’s go to yours.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The words were breathed against his mouth as Merlin leant forward, brushing their noses together. Arthur, for all his grand intentions and noble declarations, had no defence against that. He gave in utterly.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur tapped at his phone while waiting by the front door for Merlin. Merlin had ducked into the main room to grab their coats and mutter a goodbye to Freya and Arthur was doing his very best to block out all rational thought.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin re-emerged and threw Arthur’s coat at him, trying to pull his own on at the same time and nearly getting stuck in the process. Arthur already had the door open, shrugging on his coat as he stepped into the crisp night air and reaching back for Merlin. Merlin grabbed his hand and pushed past him, dragging Arthur onto the pavement and starting off down the street.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Once they were out of the direct line of sight of the house Arthur stopped in his tracks and pulled, Merlin bouncing back like he was on a bungee chord and crashing into Arthur’s chest. Arthur didn’t give him time to recover, his lips rough and insistent. Merlin responded instantly, moulding himself around Arthur and shoving a hand up into his hair. Somewhere in Arthur it registered that Merlin was the exact right height for this.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin glanced over when the car pulled up, foolishly exposing his ear to Arthur’s attention.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re such a spoilt brat,” Merlin’s voice was shaky as Arthur sucked on the lobe “we could have taken the bus.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Shut up.” Arthur nipped with his teeth.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The car ride was an exercise in restraint. An exercise Arthur didn’t think they had succeeded in, considering the way the driver glowered at them as they tumbled out of the car. He was past caring though, Arthur’s dick had been at impatient attention in his jeans for what felt like hours and it was getting painful, and Merlin was touching him like it was his job and <em>fuck</em> what did any of it matter?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Finally, they were inside his room, Arthur hitting at the light blindly. Merlin, because he was slippery and you couldn’t turn your back on him, was somehow in front now, walking backwards towards Arthur’s bed and pulling Arthur along by his belt loops.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin fell back onto the bed and Arthur crawled over him, almost groaning at the relief of finally having him behind a locked door. His heart was trying to knock its way through his ribcage, a combination of lust, longing and fear trying to burst out of him. Merlin was rucking Arthur’s shirt up and when Arthur sat back to pull it off he bent forward to bite at Arthur’s hips.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fuck, you’re so hot” he nibbled along the bone and Arthur gasped.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Merlin.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin peaked up at him and smirked knowingly. The fear faded. This wasn’t some race to grasp at an incorporeal shape before it vanished forever; this was <em>Merlin</em> –impossible, ridiculous, cheeky Merlin.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It all got a bit blurry after that. There were acres of unexplored neck under his mouth, hands in his hair, heat pressing back against his palms. Merlin’s shirt vanished and there was so much skin there, outlining ribs and lithe lines of muscle. Arthur bit a nipple and was treated to a moan so he did it again, but then his jeans were being dug open and he was rendered useless as a large hand grasped him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Is this alright?” Merlin squeezed him for a second and laughed at the choked sound and wide-eyed nod he got in return.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur leant down, seizing Merlin with a searing kiss, feeling the smile against his lips, rocking down gently. His hands ran downwards, pulling Merlin’s fly with no time for dexterity and shoving his jeans away, taking Merlin’s pants with them. His cock sprang free and Arthur went for it, Merlin gasping into his mouth.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur groaned from deep in his body as Merlin picked up the pace, pressing against a spot on the underside of his dick that seemed to shoot through his whole being. His other hand scrabbled at Arthur’s bunched up trousers, trying to push them down. He let out a whine and Arthur huffed, pulled back and stood. He stripped down quickly and on the bed Merlin tried to do the same. He wriggled insanely, trying to kick off his shoes and shed his jeans all at once. A shoe sailed past Arthur’s ear.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Watch it!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You watch it,” Merlin didn’t look up, too focused on making a mess of the task at hand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Trust you to not even be able to undress properly.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Trust you to criticise someone getting naked in your bed!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur growled playfully and stepped forward, batting Merlin’s hands away and rendering him bare in a matter of seconds. Then there was Merlin, naked in his bed, and it wasn’t so funny anymore.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He flattened himself against Merlin, gasping at the feeling of being pressed together so completely. Merlin’s hands were everywhere and Arthur ground down helplessly, the friction shooting through him like a shockwave. He got his elbow under him and wrapped a hand around them both. He was panting, so Merlin mouthed at every bit of his jaw and neck that he could reach, sucking behind his ear with an audible slurp.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur’s pleasure was building and building and it really wouldn’t take very much now and that was embarrassing. It was nearly awful how good this felt, like he was watching himself become addicted to a new drug. Then Merlin’s hand was there and everything was an indistinct rush of skin and mouths and movement.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Please, yes, come on, wanted this for so long, don’t stop, yes,” one of them was babbling but Arthur had no idea who.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>By some miracle, Arthur didn’t finish first, and he got to drink in the sight of Merlin shuddering underneath him, whimpering Arthur’s name in the back of his throat as if it were a secret. Then there was slickness and Arthur stroked himself and everything whited out for a moment.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>When he came back to himself it was to the sensation of fingers carding through his hair. He sighed in bone-tired contentedness and nuzzled downwards, kissing whatever bit of skin was in front of him. The mess between their stomachs was rapidly becoming unpleasant, but Arthur didn’t move. He only shifted when Merlin poked him in the side, rolling off him with a grunt. Silence fell.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That was…” Merlin’s voice was quiet.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Arthur agreed. In his periphery Merlin turned to face him and Arthur looked over so see him hesitating, chewing his well-bitten lip.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Can I…do you want me to go?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>There were a million things Arthur could and should have said to that, but he was tired and still on a come down so he was just honest.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No. Don’t go.” Merlin still looked uncertain. “I want you here,” he kissed him slowly, deliberately, relishing the easy give of him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Merlin’s smile was small and relieved and altogether too much. Arthur had to turn away under the pretence of plucking the tissues from his bedside table. They cleaned up as best they could without having to actually get up and Arthur threw the wadded up bundle of tissues into the bin in a move that both impressed and disgusted Merlin.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Arthur settled back into his pillow, Merlin draped himself across his chest and tucked his head against Arthur’s shoulder. He let out a dozy sigh, brushing fingers along Arthur’s stomach. Arthur was struggling to keep his eyes open, trying to force himself to pay attention and absorb the moment. Merlin was so real and cosy against him. He was whispering something but Arthur couldn’t figure out what – darkness was closing in from all sides and it was a lost cause.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Night, Merlin.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As Arthur’s eyes closed, for one gloriously blissed out moment, he imagined that everything would be ok, that he would be able to wake up and roll onto Merlin and have him again in the sobering reality of day without it being anything other than right. It was a nice thought.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Of course, that was before he woke up to a cold, empty bed and no Merlin.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>It took Arthur several seconds to kick his brain into gear. He hadn’t closed the curtains properly the night before and cold morning light was streaming in and hitting him directly in the face. He groaned and buried himself in the pillow, his arm reaching out before he realised what it was looking for.</p><p> </p><p><em>Merlin</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur was up in an instant, eyes scanning the room. Merlin’s clothes and shoes were gone and there wasn’t a scrap of anything on the bedside table or desk. The only indications that Arthur hadn’t just had an incredibly cruel and vivid dream were the tang of sex on the air and the faint soreness of his body.</p><p> </p><p>For a moment Arthur thought that Merlin had just gone out to the bathroom or kitchen, but his only room key was on the floor near the door, where Arthur had dropped it the night before. He rubbed his face, trying to push away the plummeting dread.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>What have I done?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>It was only when he went to check his phone that the panic abated slightly. It was plugged in, fully charge, which Arthur was sure he hadn’t managed to do before he had passed out. When he picked it up, the home screen showed three messages. One was from Morgana, which he ignored, one was from Leon, about last night’s football, and one was from Merlin.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin: had to go back to the flat. talk later x</p><p> </p><p>It had arrived at 7:47am, over an hour ago.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur blinked and sat back on the bed heavily. “Talk later”, that wasn’t very promising was it? That was how you hung up on a nagging relative. Besides, what reason would anyone have to rush off first thing on a Saturday morning other than wanting to avoid an awkward situation?</p><p> </p><p>“Talk later x”. Merlin had never sent Arthur an x before. That was…a good sign? Or maybe Merlin sent other people x’s all the time and he just forgot that he didn’t send them to Arthur. Maybe he usually sent two so this was actually a kick in the teeth. Maybe…</p><p> </p><p>There were no capital letters in the text. That meant that Merlin had typed, deleted and re-typed his message. That meant that he had thought about the text before sending it. That would mean that the “x” was no accident and Merlin had wanted to send it to him, right? Or maybe it meant that he was feeling incredibly uncomfortable and didn’t know what to say. Or maybe it meant nothing. He was grasping at straws.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur stood up, sat down and then stood up again. He was going to drive himself mad trying to decipher those nine words, gripping by his fingertips onto any hint of hope. The only person he could talk to about it was Merlin.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin had said they would talk after all, and hadn’t offered a timeframe. Who was to say that “later” couldn’t be “right the fuck now”? Because if it wasn’t Arthur was going to run full tilt into his wall, just to shut himself up. Morgana’s voice swirled around his head for a second and he was decided.</p><p> </p><p>He would talk to Merlin.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The walk to Merlin’s flat was excruciating. Arthur had to force himself not to sprint just to shorten the experience.</p><p> </p><p>What if Merlin was regretting what had happened? What if it had simply been a momentary fancy that he just wanted to forget about?</p><p> </p><p>But that didn’t make sense to Arthur. As far as he knew Merlin hadn’t even snogged anyone since coming to Camelot, let alone tumbled them into bed and ravished them. He guarded himself carefully and yet had pulled Arthur to him like it was what he needed. Could it be that on some level he wanted Arthur, at least a bit? And if he did, did what did that mean for Arthur?</p><p> </p><p>The fear was still there, that learnt terror that warned him that holding anyone too close was the best way to hurt them. But maybe Merlin, who understood Arthur better than anyone, could be different. Maybe if Arthur explained, told him everything, Merlin would settle him with that piercing gaze that found its way through every problem and nothing would implode. Maybe Arthur could have him and keep him and protect him without waiting for the other shoe to drop.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur picked up the pace.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Outside Merlin’s flat, he paused. Muffled voices emanated from somewhere inside, their tones indistinct but inappropriately loud for the first thing on a Saturday. He knocked and the sounds didn’t pause. He was about to try again, louder, when there were shuffling steps and then the door was pulled open a suspicious few inches. Arthur saw a face and for one heart-skipping moment thought it was Merlin, but then he recognised the babyish countenance and pale blue eyes of Mordred. Mordred recognised Arthur too.</p><p> </p><p>“Pendragon.” He didn’t move to let Arthur in.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur tried to keep the irritation from his voice.</p><p> </p><p>“I need to see Merlin.”</p><p> </p><p>A strange look came across Mordred’s face, something spiteful that reminded Arthur of a small cat that had finally found a plaything weaker than itself. Before Arthur could consider what that meant, Mordred was stepping back, holding out an arm to welcome him inside. Surprised, Arthur stepped into the tight corridor.</p><p> </p><p>The voices were clearer now and with a jerk of astonishment Arthur realised that one of them belonged to Merlin. He moved hesitantly towards Merlin’s door, shut firmly but definitely not soundproof, trying to figure out what was going on. Mordred was watching him eagerly, eyes bright and jaw clenched. Inside Merlin’s room, someone else was speaking now, the voice unfamiliar and rough. Arthur turned to Mordred.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s going on?” he asked.</p><p> </p><p>Mordred smiled nastily.</p><p> </p><p>“Merlin’s in there,” he paused significantly “with his boyfriend.”</p><p> </p><p>“His <em>boyfriend</em>?” Arthur fought to betray no emotion.</p><p> </p><p>“He turned up early this morning asking for Merlin. Decent looking guy, but a bit of an asshole,” Mordred regarded Arthur with undisguised distaste “Merlin sure knows how to pick ‘em.”</p><p> </p><p>“Merlin doesn’t have a boyfriend.”</p><p> </p><p>“Evidently, he does.”</p><p> </p><p>The fucker was making no effort to hide his enjoyment at Arthur’s expression and he had to turn away before he punched him in the nose. Arthur stepped closer to the door and tilted his head to try to make out what was being said. It was probably the wrong thing to do, but he had to find something that made sense, something that could stop the nauseous churning in his gut. The volume on the other side of the door increased suddenly and Arthur could distinguish words.</p><p> </p><p>“I need you to listen! Please, I know I fucked up-”</p><p> </p><p>“This isn’t about that! I don’t care about that anymore.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well what the fuck do you mean then? I don’t understand!”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t-”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t bullshit me, Merlin!”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not!”</p><p> </p><p>“I know you! I fucking know you. We’re meant to be together, I know it, and we always have been. No one understands me like you do. Don’t you love me?”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course I love you, Will–”</p><p> </p><p>The roaring in Arthur’s ears drowned out all sound. All that was left were those four words circling around and around in Merlin’s voice.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Will. I love you. Will.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Arthur staggered back, as if struck. He turned and Mordred was right there, in his space, eyes vicious and sharp. He watched as Arthur’s face crumbled.</p><p> </p><p>“I told you.”</p><p> </p><p>He might as well have knifed Arthur in the gut. Arthur barged passed him, knocking him into the wall and bursting out of the flat. He needed to be away, away from this place that had suddenly become a nightmare, away from that splintering feeling that told him something inside had gone badly, badly wrong.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t stop until he was back in his room, his knuckles stinging from punching the wall.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“This doesn’t look good.”</p><p> </p><p>Elyan’s voice at his door made Arthur look up from where he was face planted in his pillow. He met his friend’s eye, glowered and dropped back down again. He heard shuffling as Elyan sat down on the floor next to Gwaine. Leon, reclining in Arthur’s desk chair, responded.</p><p> </p><p>“You should have seen him before, at least he’s not yelling now.”</p><p> </p><p>“I disagree, I think this is actually more pathetic,” Gwaine said.</p><p> </p><p>“Can we at least take the whiskey away from him?”</p><p> </p><p>“You try it, I’m afraid to lose a hand.”</p><p> </p><p>“Make Percy do it.”</p><p> </p><p>Percy, who was leaning against the wall by Arthur’s window, indicated that he was not happy to be volunteered for that job.</p><p> </p><p>“Let him be for the moment,” Lance was in the armchair, sitting with his elbows on his knees.</p><p> </p><p>“Has he said anything?”</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing that makes sense. Mainly swearing and something about never letting climbers drink.”</p><p> </p><p>“Weirder than usual.”</p><p> </p><p>They weren’t trying to lower their voices, apparently oblivious to the headache pounding behind Arthur’s eyes. Couldn’t they just leave him alone? He didn’t understand what they were doing here. He vaguely remembered replying to a text from Leon with something maudlin, but he had no recollection of inviting everyone and his mother into his room.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Arthur!” Stupid Gwaine and his stupid shouting “feel like telling us what happened?”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur didn’t look at him, just raised his free hand and pointed a single finger. With his other hand he rubbed his thumb against the little metal bird, the weight of Merlin’s sigil against his palm the only thing that seemed real. The bed dipped as someone sat beside him.</p><p> </p><p>“Arthur, come on. We’re worried about you.”</p><p> </p><p>Leon. Good, patient Leon with all his sympathy and understanding.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur didn’t want any of it. He grappled his half-full bottle off the floor and brought it to his mouth, sitting up only enough to stop it dribbling down his chin. It burned all the way down and that was good. Leon said something else but Arthur wasn’t listening. He blearily looked around at his friends, all watching him with varying degrees of concern like he was a wounded animal. He didn’t want them there.</p><p> </p><p>Lance pulled his phone out of his pocket and looked down at it. He smiled, his eyes tellingly soft as he read what was on the screen.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck off” Arthur spat ferociously and Lance looked up in surprise “fuck off and go be in love somewhere else.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur knew he was being an arsehole. He knew he was taking things out on Lance and the others that they had no control over and had no idea about, but he hurt too much to care.</p><p> </p><p>“Is this about Merlin?”</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t know who had spoken and he threw something at them. It was a tissue box.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah.”</p><p> </p><p>“Has anyone seen Merls today? He ducked out of going to lunch.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, actually, I haven’t heard from him in a while.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur had. Two hours ago his phone had pinged and it had been Merlin, the sight of his name a fresh kind of misery.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin: can we talk now?</p><p> </p><p>He had turned his phone off.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you guys have a fight? Arthur?”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur shoved at Leon, not quite managing to push him off the bed. The pillow against his face smelled of Merlin.</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever it is, I’m sure you guys will work it out-”</p><p> </p><p>“Leave it.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur’s voice, hard and unyielding shut them all up for a while. He didn’t know how long they stayed but eventually, one by one, they left Arthur to his wallowing. Leon was the last to go, saying that Arthur should try to get some sleep and he would come check on him tomorrow. Arthur barely registered it over his own thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>Had Merlin known? Had Merlin known that Will was coming? Had he decided to give him a second chance and invited him to Camelot, latching onto Arthur in a fit of last minute jitters? Or maybe it had been a plan. A last hurrah before he went back to monogamous bliss. Arthur had made it clear that he was up for one-night things after all, who better to enjoy your last night of singleness with?</p><p> </p><p>He had probably panicked once he realised how into it Arthur was, how desperate for him. That was probably what he wanted their “talk” to be about, to explain to Arthur that he was sorry and that it hadn’t meant anything. He would be sweet about it of course, explaining that it was nothing Arthur had done and that they could still be friends. He would look at Arthur with big, concerned eyes, knowing how Arthur felt and wishing he didn’t.</p><p> </p><p>Alternatively, maybe it was sleeping with Arthur that made him realise how much he loved and missed Will. Maybe Merlin had called him in the middle of the night and had to run home to have a big, messy, touching reunion with his ex-boyfriend, with the kind of make-up sex that made your head spin and your mouth smile for days. Arthur wondered what Will had thought of the marks he had put on Merlin’s body, of the claim he had left behind. Maybe Merlin would try to get Arthur to spend time with Will, to show him why all his wanting had been pointless.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur felt sick. He reached for his whiskey and found it empty. That was no good.</p><p> </p><p>The air was cold and Arthur had forgotten his coat, only his Camelot University jumper protecting him from the chill. He didn’t think he was walking straight, but that was ok because he didn’t have to go far. Familiar shapes blurred around him, streetlights and post boxes swapping places in his periphery. He found a glass shop front to lean against and dug his hand into his pocket.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Fuck.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t have his wallet. He swayed there for a moment, indecisive. There was laughter from the road behind him, too loud in the heaviness of the night. Arthur leant his head against the cool glass, waiting for the people to pass.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god, Arthur!”</p><p> </p><p>The voice was high and vaguely familiar. Arthur swivelled his head and waited for the world to catch up. It was a girl, platinum blond hair silky in the moonlight. What was her name? Valerie? No, Vivian. He had been for a drink with her a month ago, gone back to hers afterwards. It had been a good evening.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello,” Arthur was surprised by how clear his voice sounded.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello yourself, what are you doing here?”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur frowned, trying to remember.</p><p> </p><p>“I wanted a drink. I forgot my wallet.”</p><p> </p><p>Vivian looked delighted, her perfect white teeth flashing.</p><p> </p><p>“What a coincidence, we were just going out and would love to buy you a drink.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur tried to focus on the figures behind Vivian, a group of girls and guys that didn’t seem to be paying him much attention.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s ok, I’ll just…” he didn’t know.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t be silly! It’ll be fun.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur didn’t resist as she swept him along, her arm hooking through his as she chatted merrily with another girl, as if Arthur was just a coin she had picked up off the street.</p><p> </p><p>They were in a pub and there was a drink in front of Arthur, soda with something strong in it. He focused his entire being on it, barely registering the hand on his leg. The drink was gone too quickly and Arthur sat mutely until he was given another. Then they were outside again and everything was even more swirly than before. He didn’t know where they were going. Someone had suggested Fallen King, one of the only night clubs in Camelot, while others had argued that the place was a death trap. He didn’t care.</p><p> </p><p>The group turned into a familiar-looking building and Arthur went to follow but whomever he had his arm around pulled him side ways until his back was resting against a wall. That was good – the wall was solid and rough, giving Arthur something to anchor himself against. He looked down and Vivian was right there, delicate eyebrows raised. Then she was leaning up and her lips were against his.</p><p> </p><p>It didn’t feel right, but nothing did, so he pressed back. It blocked out a bit more of the world and that was all Arthur wanted. She was too soft under his hands and his neck ached from bending down to meet her, but it was all he had so he kept going.</p><p> </p><p>He stopped at a sound to his left. He didn’t understand what he was seeing, having to squint to make sense of it. Someone had just come out of the pub, because Arthur remembered then that this was a pub he was leaning against, and was staring at them. It was…Merlin. Merlin was standing there with his eyes huge and blue and devastated.</p><p> </p><p>He was gone before Arthur had fully processed that he had been there.</p><p> </p><p>That look. It had been out of place and gutting on Merlin, worse than anything Arthur had seen there before. Arthur knew what it meant though, had seen it before and could never forget it. Valiant had looked like that the last time Arthur had seen him.</p><p> </p><p>“Who was that?” Vivian’s voice was too close to his ear and he pushed her away.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s wrong? Don’t you want to?” she sounded more disbelieving than anything else and Arthur couldn’t speak, just shaking his head. She let out an offended sound and turned her back on him, stalking away and seemingly out of existence.</p><p> </p><p>He slid down the wall, the grain of the stone scratching him through his jumper, until he was crouched, head between his knees, voices fading out around him.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p>
<p>Everything about Valiant had been a bad idea, he was practically made of them. He was handsome in a brutish way, his neck and chest broad and his features hard. He had a snake tattooed high around his bicep, curled so its head rested along his shoulder. He was in the same year as Arthur but acted like he was trying not to be, always sitting at the back of the class and hanging around behind the sheds.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>When he had made a pass at Arthur – one night at the party of someone neither of them knew –Arthur had been surprised. He knew he liked other boys but had never actually kissed one before, let alone done anything else. Valiant was right there though, grinning like he expected Arthur to run away, and Arthur had never been able to turn down a challenge.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They didn’t talk really and they never acknowledged each other in school, but they kept meeting. When parents were away, when rooms were left unattended, when people were too drunk to notice. Arthur couldn’t get enough of the feel of him, of the undeniable masculinity of him, and Valiant seemed to agree. Despite himself, Arthur found that he was thinking about it all the time, Valiant taking over his head in a way no one had before. It was distracting.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was too distracting. Uther noticed and one day he came home, sat Arthur down across from him and told him in no uncertain terms that Arthur was to break it off. Arthur had denied and objected and shouted but Uther hadn’t flinched. Arthur had texted Valiant that night.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur: My dad says I can’t see you anymore.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Val: yh? what u gonna do?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur: I don’t want to stop.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Val: good. me either.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur: We have to be careful. He can be scary when he’s pissed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Val: guess u have to look out for me then ;)</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur had thought that they had been smart, had thought that they had slipped under Uther’s radar. He had been so stupid.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>One day Arthur had slipped out the side of the school to their normal meeting place behind the equipment store when he was slammed into a wall. Valiant was there, in his space, face contorted with fury.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“This is all your fault! This is all your fucking fault!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What? What’s going on?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“All my university offers just got withdrawn, every single one.” Valiant’s whole body was shaking. “Apparently there was some problem with my application and now I’ve got nothing!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A fleck of spit sprang from Valiant’s lips as he raged and he was jabbing a finger into Arthur’s chest hard enough to bruise.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You want to know what the problem was? I think Big Papa Pendragon realised that I was still shagging his precious fucking son and decided to teach me a lesson, that sound reasonable to you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I didn’t-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What’s my dad going to fucking say? He’s been setting me up to go to Mercia my whole life and now I fucking <em>can’t</em> because of you!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ll speak to my father, he’ll sort it-”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s too fucking late, it’s done. You’ve ruined my fucking life!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>With a final shove, Valiant was gone, slamming a fist into the corrugated iron wall as he passed and leaving it ringing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>If only that had been the end of it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That night, Valiant had tried to steal Uther’s car. It was a sleek, black BMW that had never seen a speck of dirt in its life. Valiant had jumped the fence, smashed a window and hotwired it. Everything had been going swimmingly until he drove into the fence.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Uther had called the police before Arthur had even got downstairs, their arrival preceded by mournful wails that cut through the night. The police had pulled Valiant from the crumpled car, finding him still conscious but bleeding from a cut above his eye. He looked so young in that moment, so scared as they arrested him. They found powder and pills in his pocket and breathalysed him, remaining unsurprised at the result. He had stared at Arthur pleadingly, pupils narrow with panic and desperation, but Arthur could do nothing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Valiant looked at Arthur one last time before he was pushed into the back of the police car and taken away. Arthur would never forget that look.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Valiant was sentenced to three years in prison with the option of parole after one. Everyone, including Morgana and Leon, had thought that he had just gone off the rails and tried to go for a joy ride. Arthur never corrected them. On a logical level he knew that it had been Uther’s choice to punish Arthur through Valiant and Valiant’s choice to try to take revenge. But in the end it didn’t matter. Arthur had definitely learnt his lesson.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>There was something hard pressing into Arthur’s cheek. He moved his head, trying to nudge it away, but his movements were too weak to achieve anything. Everything from his neck upwards hurt. His throat was raw. His head felt like someone had half-filled his skull with acid and left his brain to stew. His mouth tasted like something dead and his tongue felt raspy and dried out. He lifted his head and his stomach lurched, pressure rising at the base of his throat. He screwed his eyes shut and took several deep breaths to quell the nausea.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He was in his room. How had he managed that? He had been so drunk, more drunk than he ever remembered being. Slowly, delicately, he pulled himself to the edge of his bed and groped for his phone. It wasn’t there. He tried to take stock. He realised that he was fully dressed, his shoes leaving dirty marks on top of his rumpled duvet. His phone was digging into his hip from his jeans pocket. He dragged it out and checked his messages.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Nothing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Had he been expecting something? He got his elbows under him and let his head drop. His forehead pressed against something cold and he remembered that thing he had been lying on. He looked and it was Merlin’s sigil, which he had left on his bed last night before heading out.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Merlin. Merlin’s face.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A rush of jerky images flooded his brain like an old movie– the street. The pub. Vivian. Vivian’s mouth. Merlin. Sitting on the ground. Voices. Being hauled to his feet. Dark muttering by his ear.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur shook his head and immediately regretted it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>None of it made sense. Why had Merlin looked like that when he saw Arthur kissing Vivian? It was the expression of someone who had just been ripped open without warning. Why would he make that face when he was still riding on the cloud of being reunited with the love of his life? It wasn’t like him to be vindictive, to want him to be lonely just because Merlin didn’t want him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Maybe Merlin had just seen how wasted he was and had been worried. Maybe his drunken brain had somehow twisted the memory, making Merlin look how Arthur felt. Or maybe he had imagined the whole thing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His head hurt too much for this.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur spent the day in bed, only moving to reel his way to and from the bathroom. He tried to watch something on Netflix but gave up. His phone remained almost completely silent, only a short text from Leon promising that he would come to Arthur’s the next day. He considered texting Merlin, but had no idea what to say. Reassure him that there were no hard feelings? Tell him that Arthur was happy as long as he was? Apologise for anything and everything he could think of? None of it seemed like enough.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Time past slowly, drifting in and out of focus around him. By nightfall he was feeling well enough to walk without wanting to hurl, but he still didn’t progress to the outside world. By the next day he was recovered enough to admit that he was hiding, trying to bury himself away from reality. He watched his lectures online and made an attempt at Bayard’s coursework, but his heart wasn’t in it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Leon did visit him, but not for long. His expression was concerned but serious, watching Arthur as if he had a disease that he was trying to diagnose.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I should apologise for the other night,” Arthur began after a strangely awkward pause and Leon’s gaze sharpened “I shouldn’t have been such a prick to you guys, especially Lance.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His expression deflated.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t mention it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur studied him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What is it? Are the others mad at me or something?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Leon didn’t say anything.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If it’s about me being an ass on Saturday…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Leon was shaking his head. He paused, opened his mouth, closed it and finally said</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know how protective they are. I mean, they’re obviously your friends too, but…” Leon shrugged “Gwaine especially.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What are you talking about?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Leon gave him an unimpressed look, as if Arthur was being wilfully ignorant and didn’t answer. He left not long after, leaving Arthur almost missing the nebulous numbness of his hangover. He still felt awful, aching and over-tired, his brain a patchwork of regret and confusion.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This wasn’t helping anyone. He grit his teeth and pulled himself together enough to venture out.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>The MMA class was quieter than usual, but there was still a dozen people lined up at the start of the session. Geraint gave them pads and gloves and had them running combinations in pairs. Arthur tried very hard not to think about when Merlin had been the one in front of him. He tried to focus entirely on the pads, throwing all his energy into it and leaving none for thinking.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“A bit keen there, Princess.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur looked over to find Gwaine standing near the wall wearing gym shorts and a vest. He usually came to the class with Arthur, but when he hadn’t been there at the start Arthur had assumed he had bailed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Did poor Daegal do something to offend you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The boy Arthur had been facing did look a bit pale, arms quivering like the pads were heavy to hold. Gwaine stepped forward and spoke to him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t worry about it, mate, you go find someone with fewer issues to work through. I’ll handle Pendragon.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Daegal scampered off without having to be told twice. Gwaine turned to Arthur and held up a large blue pad.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You can hold this for me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur glanced around, confused.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s not the exercise.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know, but I feel like kicking something.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Bemused, Arthur stripped off his gloves and took the pad from Gwaine, squeezing his right hand up through the strap. When he held the pad up Gwaine gave a feral smile that made a warning light go off in the back of Arthur’s head, but it was too late.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gwaine’s kick came with all the force of a battering ram, hitting the pad with a resounding smack, his foot barely touching the floor before twisting up to strike again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Steady on, Gwaine,” Arthur called after the fifth or sixth hit. Gwaine’s face was set and he didn’t pause. Arthur had to take a couple steps back.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What’s your problem?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What do you fucking think?” Gwaine’s voice was practically a snarl but both his feet stayed on the ground. It seemed unreal to see Gwaine, who was physically incapable of being serious about just about anything, glowering at him with open hostility.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t know, but you obviously have one.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Gold star to Pendragon,” another three kicks in quick succession.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Stop it, just tell me what I did!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Merlin.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur’s grip slackened and Gwain’s next kick knocked him to the ground.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Everything alright, gents?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Geraint was beside them, hands on his hips and an unimpressed look on his face.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No problem,” Gwaine was all charm “I hurt my arm so thought I would practice my kicking instead.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Geraint looked down at Arthur, raising an eyebrow.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes” Arthur ground out “sorry, he caught me off guard.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Right. Well, focus up, we don’t need any injuries.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur got to his feet as Geraint walked on to the next pair and scowled at Gwaine.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What do you mean, Merlin?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So help me Princess if you play dumb I’m going to take the pad away.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not playing! I mean –” Gwaine nearly smirked “I don’t understand what you’re talking about. Isn’t Merlin happy?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gwaine’s eyes nearly rolled out of his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, <em>Arthur</em>, Merlin is not happy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why? I mean, did Will…did something happen?” Could the prick have fucked Merlin over already?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Now Gwaine looked perplexed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ok, what are you talking about?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Merlin, he got back together with Will on Saturday.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gwaine’s face was blank.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Shit, maybe it’s a secret.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No,” Gwaine spoke slowly, as if Arthur was incredibly thick “what happened was that you shagged Merlin on Friday, then ignored him and snogged some bird against the pub he works in.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur shook his head vigorously.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, it wasn’t like that. You should ask Merlin about it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Who do you think told me about it?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur tried to make sense of that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I guess he didn’t want to mention Will, maybe he didn’t want to jinx it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What the fuck does Will have to do with any of this?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Look,” Arthur’s face twisted unhappily, “Merlin will probably tell you anyway but don’t go shouting about it. He and Will, his ex-boyfriend, got back together.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, they didn’t.” Gwaine was staring at him like he was insane.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yes, they did. I heard them.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How?” Every word only seemed to confuse Gwaine more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I was in the flat. I went to see Merlin the morning after…yeah, and I heard him and Will talking. They were being pretty loud” Arthur added defensively when Gwaine raised an eyebrow.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gwaine considered him, his expression inscrutable.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So you think Merlin got back with his ex right after humping you stupid.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur winced.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, I –”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gwaine burst out laughing. He gripped his stomach and doubled over, oblivious to the looks from the rest of the class. Arthur looked on, bewildered and singularly unamused.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You don’t have to be a prick about it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gwaine just shook his head helplessly, straightening up after a moment and wiping an actual tear from his eye.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“God, Princess, you don’t half keep life interesting.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He grinned at Arthur, face open and awash with something like relief.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Here I thought I had you entirely wrong and was going to have to beat you into the ground, or at least try, but that’s not it at all! I just forgot to take into account how ridiculously dense you can be.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oi!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gwaine waved a hand dismissively.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It’s the best case scenario, don’t worry.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What the hell are you –“</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gwaine scooped up the pad Arthur had dropped and tossed it to him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Explanations later. Right now I’m still pissed at you and we haven’t even got to my other leg yet.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur’s shoulder would be sore for days.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>They found their way to the Student Union bar. Arthur was sure they both still stank of sweat, but Gwaine had insisted that he needed a beer and Arthur wasn’t about to let him out of his sight before he explained exactly what was going on. Once they were settled in a booth, Arthur having opted for water after the adventures of Saturday, Gwaine started talking.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“First thing’s first, Merlin does not have a boyfriend.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But –”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hush, Uncle Gwaine will make everything better. My understanding is that Merlin was happily cuddled up at yours when he got an early morning call from Gwen saying that Will had turned up at their door unannounced and was making a racket about seeing him. Merlin had to scarper off to save Gwen from having to deal with him and sent the guy on his merry way.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur shook his head.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No he didn’t, I heard them. Merlin told Will that he loved him.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gwaine waved a dismissive hand.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Merlin is an affectionate guy, he says things like that. He tells me he loves me all the time.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He what?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Not important. The point is, Will turned up making all these grand declarations about how he was wrong and wanted Merlin back and Merlin said no.” Gwaine paused to underline the detail, “Will was heading back to Ealdor by the end of the day and the first thing Merlin did was text you.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur’s head was spinning, something fluttery and hopeful was rising up in his stomach and he couldn’t quite accept that it could be justified.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“But…Mordred called Will Merlin’s boyfriend.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Fuck, you’re going to pay attention to that little rat? What does he know about anything?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“H-how can you be so sure about all this?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Because Merlin told me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why would he do that?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gwaine grinned.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He’s my best friend.” Arthur scowled but Gwaine was unimpressed. “Don’t be like that. If you have to be childish remember that you’re probably his. Besides, you should be thanking me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What for?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I was defending your honour, Princess. Merlin came to work on Saturday panicking that you hadn’t replied and convinced that you would never speak to him again. You know our Merls, smartest guy in the room on any topic except himself. I told him that he was nuts if he thought you were anything less than fuck-you-on-a-sinking-ship mad about him.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gwaine’s smile faded.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Of course, that was before he saw you outside the pub.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur’s gut clenched, his building elation evaporating instantly and completely as he understood the full enormity of how badly he had fucked up.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Shit.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Exactly.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur dropped his head into his hands.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He’s never going to forgive me, Gwaine” he almost whispered “I’ve…I’ve ruined everything.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He had taken Merlin’s trust, so delicate and sparingly given, and trampled it to pieces in front of him. He had let him down completely, just like before. He had –</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I hate to interrupt your little spiral, but you’re giving yourself too much credit. You’ve fucked up, we can all admit that, but nothing is ruined. Merlin’s a resilient lad, much tougher than anyone gives him credit for. He’s not about to snap in half just because you hurt his feelings. As for the two of you, well…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gwaine shrugged.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’d say you’re in with a better shot than you deserve.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“How can you say that?” Arthur shook his head disbelievingly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gwaine just stared at him “you really have no idea, do you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He rummaged around in his pocket and produced his phone, tapping away at it with pursed lips.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What are you doing?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gwaine held up one finger and Arthur’s phone buzzed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I just forwarded you an email – it’s Merlin’s story.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“His story? You mean, the one he won the prize for?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yup.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He never let me read it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur had done his best too, bullying and cajoling for a good week before Merlin had smacked him over the head with a rolled up newspaper and told him to “find a new bone to dig up”.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’m not surprised. I think you’ll find it…revealing.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur tried to wheedle out what that meant but Gwaine wouldn’t budge, so he let it go. He looked pensively down at his water, finger tracing through the condensation. So much of the past few days were making sense and not all in ways he liked. A thought occurred to him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do the others think I intentionally screwed Merlin over too?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gwaine shifted in his seat, uncomfortable.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, yes. Merlin made me swear that I wouldn’t tell anyone about what you guys did, but after I dragged you back to yours –”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Wait, that was you?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gwaine’s smile was slow.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I wondered if you’d remember. Yeah, someone in the pub mentioned that there was a guy outside who didn’t look so good and Merlin went to check it out. It was you, obviously. I was all for leaving you there to suffer, but Merlin wouldn’t hear it. He probably would have carried you back himself despite everything, but I wasn’t about to let him do that. I said I’d look after you and sent him home.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He shook his head slowly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Honestly, his little face would have been enough to make a gravedigger cry.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Seeing Arthur’s expression he moved on quickly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Anyway, by the time I dumped you back at yours I was feeling pretty pissed off. I mean, I had gone to try to fucking comfort you earlier and the next thing you do is fuck over my best friend. So, I called Percy to rant about what an utter shithead you were. Unfortunately, he was out with Elyan, and Elyan…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Told everyone,” Arthur finished for him.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>That explained Leon earlier and the radio silence from the rest of his friends. He was suddenly very grateful that he hadn’t gone to lectures that day, he didn’t want to know what Gwen and Elena were like when they were pissed off.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Look, mate, I’m not sorry for thinking the worst of you, it was justified in the circumstances. We all know your reputation and attitude to relationships, we just didn’t think you’d ever bring Merlin into that.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I didn’t –”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know that now. I’m just saying, the others might take a while to come around, especially Lance and Gwen. I left them with Merlin and I don’t think they’re in the most forgiving of moods.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At Arthur’s miserable expression he continued.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What I mean is that it might not look like it right now, but we’re all rooting for you guys. I think you could be something really great once you get through all the bullshit.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gwaine’s face was as sincere as Arthur had ever seen it and it made something warm settle in his chest.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thanks, mate.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gwaine stood and Arthur hadn’t even noticed that he had drained his glass.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I should be going. I have a date tonight and I’d better shower.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>They walked together along the dusky streets until they reached the point where their paths separated. Gwaine turned to Arthur with a deadly serious expression and put a hand on his shoulder.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Arthur, whatever happens, I need you to tell Merlin something,” he paused and nerves zinged through Arthur’s stomach. “Tell him that him getting you to join MMA has been better for me than months of therapy.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He grinned, winked, hit Arthur once more on the shoulder and left.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Arthur banged his fist on the door again, knowing that the person on the other side had heard him a good ten minutes ago, but not ready to give up yet. He was getting odd looks from passers by but didn’t glance around, placing one hand on the wall and pounding again. To his surprise he actually heard movement and took a step back, his stomach flipping in anticipation. He braced himself as the door opened, knowing that this wasn’t going to be pleasant.</p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck do you think you’re playing at?” Morgana hissed at him, making no move to invite Arthur inside.</p><p> </p><p>“You weren’t answering your phone.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, most people would take that as a sign to go the hell away, not show up at my flat first thing in the morning!”</p><p> </p><p>Despite her words, Morgana was looking catwalk-ready, her make up impeccable and her shirt and skirt perfectly pressed, the latter a poisonous green.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s important, I need your help.”</p><p> </p><p>Morgana rolled her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“We don’t speak for two weeks and you manage to piss of everyone we know, including <em>Gwen</em>, and now you need my help.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes.”</p><p> </p><p>“Tough shit, you made your bed and now you can lie in it.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur blocked her from shutting the door on him with an outstretched hand. He closed his eyes for a moment and took a breath. You never got through to Morgana with anger.</p><p> </p><p>“Look, I fucked up, I know that, I’m trying to make it right, just tell me where Merlin is. Please.”</p><p> </p><p>Her gaze flickered slightly at the “please”.</p><p> </p><p>“And you need to find Merlin because?”</p><p> </p><p>“You know why.” Arthur balled his fists.</p><p> </p><p>“I want to hear you say it.”</p><p> </p><p>He dug his nails into the palms of his hands, taut as a bowstring.</p><p> </p><p>“Because…because I love him.”</p><p> </p><p>There, cards on the table, no holding back.</p><p> </p><p>Judging by Morgana’s face she, clearly hadn’t been expecting him to actually say it. She studied him carefully and Arthur didn’t blink. Finally, her eyes widened slightly and she leant back against the doorframe.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re actually going to talk to him. You’re actually going to screw up your balls and go for it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Just tell me where he is.”</p><p> </p><p>“I never thought I’d see the day” Morgana was shaking her head slightly, a smile playing along her lips, watching Arthur as if he were a toddler just learning to walk.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Morgana</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you going to buy him flowers? Arrange a flash mob on Knightley Green?”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t be a dick.”</p><p> </p><p>“This is an historic day, I have to enjoy this.” Arthur didn’t think he had ever seen her looking so gleeful.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you know where he is or not?”</p><p> </p><p>Morgana’s phone was in her hand and she typed something into it. Less than a minute later it buzzed and she smiled like a shark.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, I do know where he is.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur waited.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Morgana</em>!”</p><p> </p><p>There went the temper. Honestly, it was like they were still in kindergarten.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you want to borrow some of my concealer first? Deal with those saddle bags under your eyes?”</p><p> </p><p>“No.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know, how about I invite Merlin to Paris and then you can be in his hotel room with rose petals –”</p><p> </p><p>“No!”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur reigned in his irritation. It just egged her on.</p><p> </p><p>“Look, Morgana, I need to see him. He’s hurting right now because of me and I need to fix that, or at least try. I don’t want him to wait for that longer than he has to.”</p><p> </p><p>The levity dropped from Morgana’s face and her eyes softened.</p><p> </p><p>“Ok, then. I’ll tell you.” She paused until he was about ready to strangle her “he’s at the library, in one of the rooms.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur let out a breath.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>He turned to go, but Morgana wasn’t done yet.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you think Uther would have to say about all this?”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur’s jaw clenched.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t give a single flying fuck.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Arthur’s gaze zeroed in on the pretty girl with light brown hair manning the library’s reception. She looked up, startled, when he put his hands on her desk with a bit too much force.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m looking for a student.”</p><p> </p><p>She looked perplexed “I’m not a babysitter.”</p><p> </p><p>“He’s booked one of the rooms, I need you to tell me which one.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I’m not sure –”</p><p> </p><p>“Merlin. Merlin Emyrs. Do you know him?”</p><p> </p><p>Her wary expression broke into an affectionate smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh yes, I know Merlin. He’s lovely,” a dreamy look crossed her face “he gave me his mum’s recipe for lemon cake.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Of course he did.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Can you tell me which room he’s in?”</p><p> </p><p>“Why?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m…a friend of his. I need to talk to him about something.”</p><p> </p><p>Understanding sparked in her eye.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I know you! You’re always in here with Merlin.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, I’m Arthur.”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course, I remember now” she was nodding happily “I’m Sefa.”</p><p> </p><p>“Lovely to meet you. Can you tell me where Merlin is?”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin was in room 504 on the fifth floor. Arthur didn’t even glance at the lift before he bounded up the stairs.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>504 was one of the bigger rooms students could book out in the library, with a long table and half a dozen wheeled chairs abandoned at odd angles around it. Arthur only let himself pause a beat before going in, knowing that his courage was mainly founded on adrenalin and if he hesitated he would end up running right back to his room.</p><p> </p><p>He pushed open the door and there was Merlin. He was looking down at the table, long pale neck exposed, shuffling a pile of papers. It was only when he looked up, eyes clear and unsuspecting, that Arthur registered that the last time he had seen Merlin properly they had been naked in bed together. He couldn’t breath for a moment.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin’s eyes shuttered the second he registered that it was Arthur.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi.” His tone was blank.</p><p> </p><p>“I, um, Morgana told me where to find you.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin didn’t seem very interested. “Did she?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. I…I need to talk to you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh. What about?”</p><p> </p><p>Shit, this was hard. Even when Merlin hadn’t liked him, he had never spoken this coolly, this distantly. It was like Arthur was a stranger.</p><p> </p><p>“I…I read your story.”</p><p> </p><p>That got a reaction.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck. How –”</p><p> </p><p>“Gwaine.”</p><p> </p><p>“That absolute dick.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin sank into a battered black chair and leant back, rubbing his forehead tiredly, his eyes closed. It gave Arthur a chance to study him, to see how drawn his face was, how pallid his skin. It looked like he hadn’t slept in days. Guilt wrenched Arthur’s stomach.</p><p> </p><p>“Look, I’m sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t Arthur that had spoken; it was Merlin. Arthur stared at him.</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not being fair on you. I shouldn’t have…Friday was a mistake, ok? I’m sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>The floor dropped away from Arthur’s feet.</p><p> </p><p>“Why?”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin looked up then.</p><p> </p><p>“Why? Because I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle it, but I did it anyway. I couldn’t help it. I thought it would be enough, just to know, but that was stupid. Then I deluded myself into thinking you might…”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin trailed off with a shrug. He was staring at the wall over Arthur’s shoulder, the wide table still between them. Arthur rounded it and pulled out a chair next to Merlin, sitting so he was perpendicular to him, watching him as closely as he dared. Merlin sighed.</p><p> </p><p>“Look, Arthur” it was the first time Merlin had said his name “no offence, but I know what you’re like, how you think about sex. I should have known what to expect and I definitely shouldn’t have been pissed off when you didn’t want the same thing as me. I’m really happy being your friend and I shouldn’t have pushed.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin swivelled himself back and forth with one foot.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t blame you, really I don’t. I just can’t...” he shook his head “I need some time, ok? I’ll deal with it, I promise, I just need some space right now.” He sighed, “I mean, you’ve read the story.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur had read the story. He had stayed up most of the night pouring over it, read and re-reading it until his eyes burned. It wasn’t just good, Merlin’s voice sounding in Arthur’s ear from every word, it had shunted his whole worldview to the side.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m the Prince.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin closed his eyes again.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re the magician.”</p><p> </p><p>“Warlock.”</p><p> </p><p>“Right.” Arthur paused “you have a bit of a hero complex, don’t you?”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin opened his eyes to slits so he could glare at Arthur.</p><p> </p><p>“I was trying to capture how helpless you are.”</p><p> </p><p>“You didn’t do a very good job, the Prince saved the kingdom.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin’s lips twitched and Arthur quickly amended.</p><p> </p><p>“Not that I’m helpless, of course.”</p><p> </p><p>“Of course,” Merlin’s tone was dry “anyway, he couldn’t have done it without the Warlock.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, he couldn’t,” Arthur agreed softly.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin’s expression shut down again, the familiarity draining away and leaving Arthur cold.</p><p> </p><p>“Look, Merlin” his sounded voice stiff and awkward even to his own ears “it has come to my attention that I may have been a bit…foolish. I was under some misconceptions and reacted badly. I’m truly sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin waved a hand blandly.</p><p> </p><p>“I told you, it was my fault. Forget about it.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, that’s not what I mean. I came to your flat on Saturday.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin blinked and turned to Arthur properly, his body still angled slightly away but his eyes direct.</p><p> </p><p>“When? I didn’t see you.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, I…it was while you were with Will.”</p><p> </p><p>“With <em>Will</em>?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, I overheard you talking to him.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin looked utterly astonished.</p><p> </p><p>“About what?”</p><p> </p><p>“I heard you…you said that you loved him.”</p><p> </p><p>Confusion had completely overtaken Merlin’s face. Slowly, almost imperceptibly a glimmer of understanding came into his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“I did say that. Will was upset when I got to the flat –”</p><p> </p><p>“How did he know where you lived?” Arthur interrupted. It had been bugging him.</p><p> </p><p>“A couple weeks ago I sent my Mum a book. It got delivered to Will’s by accident. It happens a lot, the streets in Ealdor are confusing.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur nodded.</p><p> </p><p>“And what did he want?”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin’s chair creaked as he shifted.</p><p> </p><p>“He said he wanted to get back together. I think everything’s been a bit lonely for him recently and when my address turned up at his door he took it as a sign.”</p><p> </p><p>“A sign to come down and announce his undying love for you.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin made a face. “Something like that.”</p><p> </p><p>“And you love him.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin shook his head slowly.</p><p> </p><p>“He was my best friend for years, he helped shape me into what I am today, of course I love him. That doesn’t mean I’m <em>in</em> love with him” he hesitated a beat, “since…well, since coming to Camelot I’ve started thinking that maybe we never actually loved each other in that way. Not in the way you have to if things are going to last.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur tried to keep his breathing steady. He was leaning forward, elbows on his knees, knuckles bloodless and teeth hurting from how hard he was clenching them.</p><p> </p><p>“I…I didn’t know that. When I heard you say that to Will I thought…I thought it had been all me.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin’s eyes were glued to Arthur, his expression somewhere between doubt and hunger.</p><p> </p><p>“What had all been you?”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Here goes nothing.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Friday night. I’d wanted you for so long, I thought it was too good to be true. I thought you’d never want to be with me like…like I want to be with you.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur didn’t dare look away, willing Merlin to understand him. All was stillness for twelve awful seconds, giving him ample time to regret every decision he had ever made, but then Merlin was moving. He was sliding forward, his hands on Arthur’s knees, leaning into his space, and then his lips were against Arthur’s and everything was right again.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur grabbed Merlin’s collar with both hands, pulling him in, scrabbling at him until he shifted, sitting across his lap. Arthur had to crane up slightly to meet him, but his arms were full of Merlin and he could feel his weight grounding him. Arthur adjusted them slightly and Merlin’s knee knocked the table, sending an uneven pile of papers fluttering to the floor.</p><p> </p><p>“Menace,” Arthur muttered into the kiss.</p><p> </p><p>“You fault.” Merlin bit down on his lower lip and Arthur couldn’t focus on anything for a while.</p><p> </p><p>When they came up for air, panting into each other’s mouths with their foreheads pressed together, Arthur took a moment to take stock, his arms tight around Merlin’s middle. He was dizzy with a dozen whirling, wonderful feelings he had no idea how to voice. He focused on the easy things first.</p><p> </p><p>“Why do you have so much paper?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m working on a story. I needed space to spread everything out.” Arthur started peppering kisses over his face.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s the story?”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin nipped at his jaw. “Not telling.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Mer</em>lin.” He claimed fistfuls of Merlin’s shirt, pulling at him impatiently.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not done yet, it’s just something I’ve been working on.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t do the whole tortured artist thing, it’s beneath you.”</p><p> </p><p>A flicker across Merlin’s face, the memory of pain, gave Arthur an inkling of exactly why Merlin might have felt the need to write over the past few days. He could have kicked himself. He pulled Merlin further up his lap and sat back a bit so they could see each other properly, clearing his throat.</p><p> </p><p>“Merlin, I need to be clear on this now because you’re clearly an idiot who needs to have everything explained,” he raised his voice to drown out Merlin’s protests “this is not a casual thing. This is not a one-time thing. I’m talking about exclusivity and dates and calling each other boyfriends. Do you think you could handle that?”</p><p> </p><p>From the way Merlin immediately slanted their mouths together, deep and tender, he did not have a problem it.</p><p> </p><p>Eventually they pulled themselves together enough to separate, Merlin standing to collect his notes and Arthur trying to will the tightness in his jeans down. He was saved from any feelings of embarrassment when he registered the careful way Merlin was holding a notebook in front of his own crotch.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When he had himself under control, Arthur stood, plucking the backpack out of Merlin’s hands and slinging it over his shoulder. He groaned at the weight.</p><p> </p><p>“Shit, Merlin, how much did you write?”</p><p> </p><p>“Shut up” Merlin rolled his eyes “I had a lot of stuff to work through, ok?”</p><p> </p><p>His tone was light so Arthur did his best to quash his welling remorse.</p><p> </p><p>“I hope you don’t have to be sad to write.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin’s smile was a sin.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I can write in all sorts of moods.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur hummed approvingly when Merlin took him by the back of his neck, the hand on his nape like homecoming.</p><p> </p><p>“Want to come back to mine?” Merlin’s breath was warm on his skin.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. Wait, actually, no. Let’s go to mine.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin pulled back, cocking his head curiously.</p><p> </p><p>“Why?”</p><p> </p><p>“My bed is bigger.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin pursed his lips as he studied Arthur before breaking into a grin.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re afraid of Gwen.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, I’m not!”</p><p> </p><p>A raised eyebrow.</p><p> </p><p>“A bit.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin shook his head fondly and took Arthur by the hand, tugging him out into the library proper. Arthur continued, speaking softly.</p><p> </p><p>“Besides, I don’t know if I can see Mordred without sucker punching him.”</p><p> </p><p>“Mordred? What’s he got to do with anything?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll tell you later.”</p><p> </p><p>Really though, there could have been Mordreds lined up around the block in that moment and Arthur wouldn’t have cared.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>It didn’t take the others long to come around, all things considered. Merlin’s hastily typed message to Gwen made its way quickly through the group. When Arthur made it to Knightley Green the following day, Leon slapped him on the back and offered him a laughing but heartfelt “I’m glad”. Elyan and Lance were equally pleased, while Gwaine just bragged about how it had all been his doing.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur had to shove all four of them away when they started speculating on whether he was too injured to play, given the dark bruise on the side of his neck.</p><p> </p><p>Surprisingly, it was Percy, usually so peaceful and quiet, who clamped a hand on Arthur’s shoulder with uncomfortable force and said with absolute seriousness “don’t let it happen again”.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur promised he wouldn’t, craning back to look the big man in the eye. With a final squeeze that made Arthur’s collarbone creak, Percy let him go, a smile flickering in his eyes. Arthur ignored Merlin’s voice in his head chortling, “I told you he liked me better!”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Things were easier after that. Arthur and Merlin talked, sometimes late into the night, about everything that had happened in the past week and before. Arthur brought up Valiant and was not unpleasantly surprised when Merlin crawled into his lap and squeezed his arms around him so tightly Arthur’s ribs protested. Merlin explained about Will and how he was trying, very slowly, to be friends with him again, if only over text.</p><p> </p><p>They spoke about Uther and what he might do when he found them out. They weren’t being secretive or subtle, but they weren’t putting up billboards either, and in the end it was over a week before Arthur was summoned to face his reckoning.</p><p> </p><p>It had been the first time Arthur had set foot in that grand office, buried in the depths of the austere Pendragon Tribute Building, but what happened in there had been eerily familiar. Uther had thundered and raged, threatening everything from Merlin’s scholarship to Arthur’s trust fund.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur had told his puce-faced father that throwing Merlin out would be a travesty, a blemish on the name of the university. He would just end up somewhere like Mercia, winning awards and making a mockery of Camelot with his success. Besides, Professor Gaius wouldn’t stand for it and, as one of the most sought-after English professors in Europe, if not the world, that could certainly not be risked. Arthur also said that wherever Merlin went, he would follow, whether Uther cut him off or not.</p><p> </p><p>In the end though, it was only when Arthur’s temper had broken and he had shouted, “I fucking love him, don’t you understand?” that Uther relented.</p><p> </p><p>So, Merlin stayed.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin stayed, he and Arthur went on dates and watched movies in each other’s rooms and fucked and bickered and generally were so bad at hiding how happy they were that their friends hated them. It was kind of wonderful.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>One day Arthur was lounging around his room, waiting for Merlin to come back with takeout, when he started feeling a little nosy. It was just, Merlin’s backpack was <em>right there</em> on the floor, unzipped, and Arthur could <em>see</em> the mysterious sheaf of papers he had got back from Gaius that day and, well, he wasn’t perfect.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin re-entered the room with a spring in his step, holding a steaming pizza aloft and shaking the drizzle out of his hair.</p><p> </p><p>“Because you were a lazy arse and made me get this by myself, you don’t get to complain that there aren’t any jalapenos.”</p><p> </p><p>He paused when he saw Arthur’s expression.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s wrong?”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur held up the papers in his hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah? That’s all you have to say?”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, shit.” Merlin carefully placed the pizza box on the desk, offering Arthur his most irreproachable expression. Arthur wasn’t having it.</p><p> </p><p>“You killed me!”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin winced.</p><p> </p><p>“Your character, that’s an entirely different thing.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur stood, waving the papers under Merlin’s nose.</p><p> </p><p>“You killed me off!”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, well,” he shrugged “I was mad at you at the time.”</p><p> </p><p>“So you imagined me dying?”</p><p> </p><p>“It was cathartic.”</p><p> </p><p>“Merlin!”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin motioned dismissively.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t be dramatic. I’m working on a new story now where you’re a pirate captain, you’ll like it.”</p><p> </p><p>“That doesn’t help!” It also hadn’t helped that Gaius had written in clear letters next to Arthur’s death scene “Well done, some of your best work!”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin gently plucked the story from his hands and put it to one side, looping his arms around Arthur’s neck and pulling him close.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry, ok? I promise you won’t die again.”</p><p> </p><p>“See that I don’t.” Arthur was still feeling mutinous, but his arms had wrapped around Merlin’s waist on reflex and Merlin was nosing along his jaw. “If I'm a pirate you’d better give me a hook.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin nodded agreeably.</p><p> </p><p>“No problem, she can have a hook.”</p><p> </p><p>“She?”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin paused.</p><p> </p><p>“Did I not mention that the captain is a woman?”</p><p> </p><p>“Merlin!”</p><p> </p><p>Anyway, they were good.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The Easter break was upon them far before Arthur was ready. It felt like he had only just got his hands on Merlin and suddenly the three long weeks of emptiness seemed more like a bereavement than a holiday. It soured his mood, making him sulky and petulant (“more so than usual”).</p><p> </p><p>He was getting coffee with Morgana between lectures, dolefully fiddling with the lid of his cup when she snapped.</p><p> </p><p>“If you’re going to be like this all break, I’d rather you just stayed here.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur scowled at her.</p><p> </p><p>“You can’t stop me from coming home.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s the only way to avoid me bashing you over the head with a heavy object.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur ignored her. Morgana pursed her lips, considering him.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s Merlin doing over the break?”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur shrugged.</p><p> </p><p>“Not much, I don’t think. His Mum is up in Scotland at the moment, looking after some elderly relative. He’s not sure if he’ll be in the way if he goes up there, so he might just go home.”</p><p> </p><p>A glint came into Morgana’s eye.</p><p> </p><p>“Why doesn’t he just come home with us?”</p><p> </p><p>“He’s not a puppy up for adoption.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, he’s your <em>boyfriend</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur couldn’t help the way his lips curled upwards and Morgana made a disgusted noise before continuing.</p><p> </p><p>“Think about it, otherwise he’ll just be by himself and you’ll be a pain in the arse the whole time. This way you’ll have three whole weeks under the same roof.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur’s heartbeat sped up at the thought and he had to force himself to remain rational.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s too soon, too much. We’ve only been together for a couple weeks, it would seem really intense.”</p><p> </p><p>Morgana was barely even listening to him, tapping at her phone distractedly. She glanced over at him.</p><p> </p><p>“So you don’t want him there?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, of course I –”</p><p> </p><p>“So you think he’ll say no?”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur hesitated.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not…maybe…”</p><p> </p><p>“Because I just asked him and he said yes.”</p><p> </p><p>That was how Merlin ended up staying at the Pendragon household for two whole weeks. Arthur got to enjoy watching Merlin gape at the house and the gardens, gasping at their indoor cinema as if he’d never seen a screen before. He practically did a swan dive into Arthur’s bed the first time he saw it, rolling around like a kitten in catnip. Arthur quickly followed him.</p><p> </p><p>They drove out for long country walks, they spent hours on Arthur’s various gaming consoles, they played board games with Morgana and they laid in the patchy sun with no plans and no other place to be.</p><p> </p><p>Morgana’s only caveat for letting Arthur have Merlin with him was that she got to have people over as well, to give her a break from their “disgusting fight-flirting”. Morgause was with them for a few days, which had terrified Merlin no end. Gwen and Elyan visited as well and, for two gloriously exhausting days, all the football lads came to stay. Luckily pretty much all their friends spent more time in the house than Uther did.</p><p> </p><p>Uther hadn’t been there when they had arrived, a message on the answering machine explaining that he was staying in Camelot a little longer and that Arthur and Morgana were to behave themselves. The message also gave very clear instructions on which guest room Merlin was to use and Arthur hurried to delete it. You never knew with Merlin, he might have actually listened.</p><p> </p><p>Uther only met Merlin once in the end, sitting across from him in a tense family dinner that had Arthur grinding his teeth. Merlin hadn’t quailed, responding to Uther’s invasive and patronising questions evenly and actually offering to lend him a book. Uther hadn’t seemed to know what to make of him, like a grizzly bear presented with a bird of paradise. Overall, it could have gone worse.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin had snuck into Arthur’s room that night after making a show of going to sleep in the guest room that probably fooled no one. He had sucked on Arthur’s cock until Arthur was rendered basically immobile for several minutes. Awkward dinners were really a small price to pay.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>On Merlin’s final night before he went to spend the last week of his break with his mother, Arthur drove them to a nearby town on the coast, where he had booked a table at a quiet restaurant overlooking the sea. Arthur ordered an exquisite lobster risotto while Merlin had tried the <em>linguine ai Frutti di Mare</em>.</p><p> </p><p>He had recoiled at the sight of the mussels among his pasta. When Arthur had pointed out that they were an aphrodisiac, he had announced that he had never been less turned on in his entire life. Arthur called him an uncultured swine, stopped him from hiding the shellfish in the wine cooler, and had eaten one slowly, maintaining eye contact the whole time.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin eventually agreed to let Arthur feed him one, but had nearly spat it back out immediately and declared that he had been betrayed by his taste buds, by the sea and most especially by Arthur. Arthur had snorted champagne out his nose.</p><p> </p><p>Later, they walked along the sea front, linking hands and looking out at the still water and purple sky. They didn’t often hold hands in public, and Arthur squeezed Merlin’s fingers between his to try to imprint the feeling.</p><p> </p><p>“This hasn’t been the worst Easter break of my life” Merlin began.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur snorted. “I would hope not.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not saying it was the best, because my mum once got me an Easter egg bigger than my head” he ignored Arthur’s pointed look at said head “but it’s definitely up there. Top twenty, probably.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur poked at him with his free hand “you’re only nineteen.”</p><p> </p><p>“So it’s in there for sure.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur tightened his hold on Merlin until he yelped. They were quiet for a few minutes before Merlin started up again.</p><p> </p><p>“I guess I’m trying to say that the chances are that I will probably miss you.”</p><p> </p><p>He was looking out to sea, the tips of his ears dark. Arthur admired the way one cheekbone was highlighted for a moment in the glow of a streetlight.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not impossible that I might end up missing you too, a bit,” Arthur conceded.</p><p> </p><p>Lines appeared on the side of Merlin’s face and Arthur knew he was grinning.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur fucked into Merlin slowly that night, savouring every whimper and moan like it was a promise.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Arthur and Morgana had dropped Merlin at the train station the next morning. As Merlin’s train had drawn up, Arthur had pulled him close, only parting when Morgana had impatiently tapped him on the head, pointing out that the national rail service had no time for their melodrama. Merlin had darted back for one last kiss, jumping away before Arthur could grab him, and had disappeared from sight not twenty seconds later. Morgana had dragged Arthur home and couldn’t seem to decide whether his moping was more pathetic or annoying.</p><p> </p><p>That night his phone buzzed and Arthur snatched it up, much to Morgana’s amusement. It was a photo of Merlin, wearing a hoodie Arthur definitely hadn’t agreed to lend him, holding up one huge Easter egg on either side of his head, beaming at the camera. Arthur laughed out loud.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur: It looks like your ears have turned to chocolate.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin: Shut up! You’re lucky I’m too happy to be mad at you right now</p><p> </p><p>Arthur: What’s there to be mad about?</p><p> </p><p>Merlin: You keep buying me stuff without warning!! It makes me feel like a bad boyfriend</p><p> </p><p>Arthur: I wouldn’t worry, you’re a bad boyfriend in lots of other ways.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin: Fuck off. Point is, this isn’t over</p><p> </p><p>Arthur: Don’t you dare try to buy me a something.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin: Actually, I was planning on offering more of an…interactive experience ;)</p><p> </p><p>Arthur: Were you now?</p><p> </p><p>Merlin: Yep</p><p> </p><p>Arthur: And when might this experience occur?</p><p> </p><p>Merlin: …you free atm?</p><p> </p><p>Arthur stood abruptly.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m going to bed,” he announced to a startled Morgana, who looked up from her episode of Desperate Housewives.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re not subtle!” She shouted at his rapidly retreating back. Arthur ignored her.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Arthur slung the bag off his shoulders and it landed with a thud. He felt the sudden coolness as the sweat clinging between his shoulder blades met the air and groaned, cracking his back loudly.</p><p> </p><p>“And here I thought you were some kind of athlete, Princess. Can’t you handle a puny Backpack?”</p><p> </p><p>He turned to scowl at Gwaine, rubbing his shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“That thing weighs a tonne, it has all our food and the cooker in it.”</p><p> </p><p>Gwaine gestured behind him to where the others were dropping their own loads to the grass.</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t see Percy complaining, and he was carrying the booze and two of the tents.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not Percy.”</p><p> </p><p>“Clearly.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t see what you have to boast about” Arthur grouched, bending to start unpacking the tent Elena had dropped “you’re just carrying sleeping bags.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, but that’s not all” Gwaine turned to show him “I’ve got Merlin’s bag too.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur frowned.</p><p> </p><p>“So what’s Merlin carrying?”</p><p> </p><p>“Gwen.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur looked over to find Merlin spinning in circles with a giggling Gwen on his back. He stopped and staggered a bit, Gwen shrieking as they almost toppled to the ground before righting them with a laugh.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course he found a way to get out of doing work,” Arthur shook his head wonderingly.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, but he lightens our spirits.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur was having none of it. He raised his voice pointedly.</p><p> </p><p>“He’s a useless, lazy layabout!” Merlin glanced over, narrowing his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“You talking about me?”</p><p> </p><p>“How did you guess?”</p><p> </p><p>“You’re always talking about me.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur was deadpan. “It’s like group therapy, I’m sharing my struggles.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin made a face at him, letting Gwen slide lightly to the ground.</p><p> </p><p>“There’s an idea,” Elyan piped up “how about a piggyback race? The winners don’t have to help set up the tents.”</p><p> </p><p>“I call Percy!” Gwaine practically tackled the bigger man, clinging to him like a baby lemur.</p><p> </p><p>Ten of them had decided to come on the trip, Morgana being of the opinion that camping was a sort of collective hysteria, so it was easy to divide into pairs. The campsite, little more than a flat green field surrounded by leaf-laden trees, was almost empty aside from them, giving Elyan lots of space to plot out his race. Arthur snagged Merlin’s shirt and pulled him over.</p><p> </p><p>“None of your nonsense in this, we are going to win.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin rolled his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re such an inspiring leader.” He moved to stand behind Arthur, placing his hands on his shoulders in preparation, “It doesn’t matter anyway, I’m heavier than the girls and you’re not as strong as Percy, no way are we going to win.”</p><p> </p><p>“That is the second time I’ve been compared to Percy since we got here.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin rubbed his shoulders patronisingly “feeling emasculated?”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur twisted around to glare at him “I’ll show you emasculated.” Merlin winked.</p><p> </p><p>“Everyone ready?” Elyan called, squatting slightly in front of Elena, “three, two, one, go!”</p><p> </p><p>In the end, all Arthur’s competitiveness was in vain. Lance and Gwen shot past the hoodie Elyan had placed as a marker, followed by Percy and Gwaine. The latter was riding high, looking merrily around as if in a moving umpire’s chair. Arthur came to a stop, panting, followed by Leon and Mithian. Elena had somehow managed to trip Elyan up almost immediately and they were still trying to regain their balance.</p><p> </p><p>Disappointed, Arthur let go of Merlin’s legs to let him get down. Merlin stayed put.</p><p> </p><p>“Merlin, get off me.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin’s legs contracted around him.</p><p> </p><p>“Stop it!”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur tried to shake him off, but Merlin was like a squid encircling him, his chin hooking over Arthur’s shoulder to anchor him like another limb.</p><p> </p><p>“Get down! You’re not a monkey!”</p><p> </p><p>“So you don’t want me to peal your banana?”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin’s tone was conversational.</p><p> </p><p>“Merlin!”</p><p> </p><p>“Because I want to climb you like a tree.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur decided that his only option was to drop and roll. He fell to his knees and pitched forward, tossing and turning as Merlin clung to him. Finally he got onto his back, Merlin crushed beneath him. Merlin wheezed and Arthur was finally able to wriggle free.</p><p> </p><p>“Idiot,” Arthur grunted.</p><p> </p><p>“Tosser,” Merlin croaked from where he was flattened in the grass.</p><p> </p><p>Of course, Gwen and Lance still helped pitch the tents in the end, they were just those kinds of people.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The camping excursion had been Mithian’s idea. Their third term had devolved into a blur of exams and deadlines and by the time they had reached the end of May, everyone was burnt out. They hadn’t managed to do anything as a group for over a month, so Mithian, taking into account the unexpectedly glorious weather, had found a quiet campsite an easy bus ride away for them to spend the night at. Everyone, aside from Morgana, had been enthusiastic and between them they had scrounged up three sizeable tents. This created a whole new set of problems.</p><p> </p><p>Both the couples wanted to share with each other and no one wanted to share with them, citing reasons ranging from basic human decency to the Geneva Convention. Several long discussions and debates had followed, with one hissy fit courtesy of Arthur, leading to the decision that the girls would have one tent and the boys share the other two, with Arthur and Merlin separated. The vote passed eight to two.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The afternoon fell into a lazy haze once the tents were pitched. They passed around crisps, beer and cider. Elyan even strummed the ukulele he had brought, Gwaine taking the piss out of him the whole time. Once the exertion of the race and setting up camp had faded though, Arthur started to feel restless.</p><p> </p><p>He poked and pestered Leon until he brought out a football and soon impromptu goal posts had been set up. Only Elena and Merlin opted out of playing, the former citing her utter lack of coordination and the latter claiming that he had to deal with Arthur tackling him often enough without making a sport out of it.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur ran and laughed and teased, at one point bodily protecting Gwen from Lance as she dribbled past. Elyan tried to block Percy and ended up getting slung over the bigger man’s shoulder has he ran towards and then well past the goal, Elyan protesting the whole way.</p><p> </p><p>Grinning, Arthur glanced to the side and found Merlin smiling to himself, leaning back with his face in the sun. Arthur jogged over to him and plopped down into his lap, startling a winded “oof” out of him.</p><p> </p><p>“Ouch! Get off you great lump.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin shoved him until his weight was mostly on the grass, legs still slung sideways across Merlin’s lap.</p><p> </p><p>“God, you’re sweaty,” Merlin complained. Arthur ignored him.</p><p> </p><p>“Why aren’t you playing?” He pouted, snaking an arm around his waist.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m enjoying the view.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin sent a slow, lingering look up and down Arthur’s torso. Arthur had abandoned his t-shirt a while ago, as had several of the others, and was now just in his comfortable blue shorts. He tugged at the hem of Merlin’s shirt.</p><p> </p><p>“Why don’t you take this off? It’s roasting out.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin leaned against him.</p><p> </p><p>“Not all of us are statues of Greek gods brought to life.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur stored up the complement and pushed on.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t be ridiculous, you’re plenty fit.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I know you think so.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin grinned and Arthur’s face flushed from something other than heat.</p><p> </p><p>It had taken several weeks for Merlin to figure out why his t-shirts kept disappearing from his bag whenever he was planning on going climbing, but he had eventually made the connection to Arthur’s presence and it had been mortifying.</p><p> </p><p>“Exactly, so take it off.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, I’m not showing any more skin than I have to or I’ll burn.”</p><p> </p><p>“Vampire” Arthur pinched his side. Merlin bared his imaginary fangs.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, Arthur, are you planning on re-joining us?” Leon called and Arthur waved his hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Off you go” Merlin butted his shoulder “I’ll just sit here and watch the show.”</p><p> </p><p>It had taken several occasions of being dragged off to Merlin’s bedroom after a football game for Arthur to appreciate exactly how much Merlin liked watching him play football. Today though, as his eyes gleamed darkly, it was beyond obvious what he was thinking.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur bit his lip and snickered when Merlin’s gaze darted to it. Merlin tensed dangerously and he ran a hand over Arthur’s abdominals. Arthur suppressed a shiver.</p><p> </p><p>“I knew you only wanted me for my body.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin tugged him closer.</p><p> </p><p>“Please, I’d still like you if you had the physique of melted ice cream.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur was about to respond when Merlin leant forward and <em>licked</em> his slick skin, his tongue running up slowly and deliberately from his collarbone to his jaw, completely heedless of any onlookers.</p><p> </p><p>“Hmm, delicious,” Merlin purred, right by his ear.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur couldn’t stop the full body shudder that time, leaning his head back and closing his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck.”</p><p> </p><p>“You coming, Princess?” Gwaine called. Merlin sniggered.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur peeked one accusing eye at him.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t stand now.”</p><p> </p><p>“What a shame.” Merlin grinned cheekily, but let Arthur calm down enough to be able to get up without any more trouble. Arthur played like shit the rest of the day.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>As the summer sun made its slow way across the sky, it felt like the light would never fade. They found their way to a grimy looking pond a hundred meters from the campsite and Gwaine tried to push Percy in, but only succeeded in hitting the man’s elbow with his head. Mithian and Elyan scrapped over who had control over the speakers until it was unanimously decided that Elyan couldn’t be trusted. Leon accidentally stepped on an ant’s nest and they jeered while he hopped around swearing.</p><p> </p><p>Arthur lay in the warm grass, a hand behind his head and Merlin resting against his stomach. He stroked through Merlin’s hair, the voices of the others blurring dozily around him.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When the shadows eventually started to lengthen, Mithian and Leon took charge of boiling the water for pasta, Merlin offering an unhelpful commentary as they struggled with the little cooker. Arthur spotted a weather-pummelled picnic table at the end of the campsite and dragged Gwaine along to carry it. It was a harder operation than he had expected, the table unwieldy and heavy, splinters breaking off and jabbing at them truculently.</p><p> </p><p>“Lift your side higher. Ow, fuck!” He cursed as the rough wood scraped along his hands.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re the one not pulling your weight,” Gwaine gritted back “put your back into it.”</p><p> </p><p>“I fucking am.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t get snappy with me, channel that aggression towards this damn thing.”</p><p> </p><p>“Shut up,” Arthur barked, “I don’t have any aggression.”</p><p> </p><p>“Exactly, let the rage flow through you” Gwaine switched hands “let me help. Think about low thread count sheets and the coffee in the cafeteria. Remember that time Merlin called my name in bed.”</p><p> </p><p>“That’s never happened.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yet.”</p><p> </p><p>Gwaine yelped when Arthur tried to drop the table on his foot.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Much to Arthur’s irritation, the group opted to sit on the ground rather than make use of the seating he had so laboriously provided for them. He had resentfully sat up there by himself, leaning against the table and watching the others with an injured expression. Merlin laughed at him but sat at his feet and leant against Arthur’s legs, his face inverted and grinning when he looked up. Arthur was somewhat placated.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>They didn’t have a fire, the night was warm enough anyway, but they roasted marshmallows over the cooker and chatted softly. They talked about plans for the summer and memories from the past year, first impressions and odd moments. Everyone had laughed when Merlin described the Frisbee Incident and Arthur had grumbled that he had apologised to Morris since. He still ran away from Arthur on sight, but it wasn’t his fault the kid scared easily.</p><p> </p><p>As dark fell in earnest conversations started to fracture off, Gwaine murmuring with Elena while Lance and Gwen sidled quietly off holding hands, ostensibly to walk around the pond. Arthur looked over at Merlin, who was covering his mouth with a hand to hide his grin as Mithian tipsily rambled at him. His heart clenched. He noiselessly got to his feet and circled around the group, crouching behind Merlin and waiting until Mithian turned her attention to Leon to touch his back. Merlin glanced back at him, his lips curling upwards.</p><p> </p><p>“Feel like going on a walk?</p><p> </p><p>Merlin’s eyes glittered “I hear the pond is occupied.”</p><p> </p><p>“There are other places to walk.” Arthur inclined his head in the opposite direction and raised his eyebrows.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin nodded and stood, dusting the seat of his shorts before following Arthur towards the shadowy grove of trees. No one looked up as they left except Leon, who caught Arthur’s eye and shook his head, smiling. Arthur winked at him and pulled Merlin into the night.</p><p> </p><p>They stopped when they reached a copse of trees. Arthur leant back against an oak and drew Merlin to him by the hips, their lips meeting languorously as leaves rustled around them. The inside of Merlin’s mouth was warm and wet, his tongue tracing lightly along the back of Arthur’s teeth.</p><p> </p><p>“One day we should go camping just the two of us” Arthur half-whispered, biting down gently on Merlin’s bottom lip.</p><p> </p><p>Merlin hummed his agreement “there are some good spots around Ealdor.”</p><p> </p><p>“We can go when I come to visit.” Arthur slipped his hands into the back pockets of Merlin’s shorts and made a pleased sound.</p><p> </p><p>They didn’t talk for a while, the only sounds the smack of lips and the voices of the others drifting across to them on the breeze.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re coming to visit me too, right?”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin nodded, his eyes closed as he leant into Arthur.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s the plan. Two weeks and you come up to mine for a week, then I’ll come down to yours after that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Two weeks seems like a long time.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin sighed, his breath gusting against Arthur’s mouth “not as long as six weeks.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good maths.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin pinched him. Arthur knew what he meant of course, he and Leon were going travelling during the summer, starting in China and making their way South. It was going to be a great trip and Arthur was looking forward to it, but the thought of leaving Merlin put a pit in his stomach.</p><p> </p><p>“You could always come with us.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin was already shaking his head “I have the internship at the publisher’s Gaius set up. Besides, I don’t think Leon would want to third wheel for over a month.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sure he wouldn’t mind” Arthur grumbled, but Merlin just kissed him again.</p><p> </p><p>“We’ll go travelling” Arthur decided once his brain reconfigured itself “after university.”</p><p> </p><p>Merlin paused.</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t think you’ll be sick of me by then?” He asked mildly.</p><p> </p><p>“Idiot” Arthur whispered, hauling him closer so Merlin could feel just how much he wasn’t sick of him.</p><p> </p><p>They hadn’t said “I love you” yet, but Arthur knew he would soon. He had already announced it to Morgana and Uther after all – it was weird not to tell Merlin. He thought Merlin already knew and it seemed, Arthur reflected with a thrill, that the pronouncement would not go unreciprocated. He wouldn’t do it now though; he wanted to be able to see Merlin’s face properly.</p><p> </p><p>“This year didn’t turn out how I was expecting” Merlin mumbled, his hands curling into Arthur’s hair.</p><p> </p><p>“No?” they were basically pressing the words into each other’s mouths.</p><p> </p><p>“No, I couldn’t have expected you.”</p><p> </p><p>His chest felt tight and he slipped his hands under Merlin’s layers until they reached the heat of his skin.</p><p> </p><p>“I couldn’t have expected you either.”</p><p> </p><p>Arthur knew better now though, and damned if he was ever going to let him go.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Huge thank you to anyone who has actually read this far! I had this all done and was driving myself mad fiddling with it, so I thought I would just post it all at once. I hope you liked it, it was my first time writing Merthur and I really enjoyed it.</p><p>I might write a couple fluffy extra scenes, but this is basically it so well done for getting through it. </p><p>All comments and kudos are really appreciated, even if I forget to say!</p><p>Thanks again :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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